Elements of Desire (Lyric and XNottyxBabeX)

Water = Brittany
Fire = Ben

Elements of Desire

You run up to me, like a quiet river of love
Sweet words flowing, saying things you should of
Captivating me with those dark pools you call your eyes
It’s more than you realize how you leave me hypnotized
Your love so divine as you begin to part my sea
Sending waves of sensation as you touch and enter me
Holding my body as we engage in rhythmic motions
You are my safety net, drowning in orgasmic oceans
Exploring the depths of my deep, sweet abyss
Letting the liquids flow with one single kiss
We float up like buoys, down like sunken ships
Tasting the salts as they linger on my tender lips
You roll my hips east to west like the soft flowing wind
Your anchor sinking deeper, causing the very best of sin
Juices trickle down us and romance fills the air
Soaking my body with you, especially ‘right there’
Our bodies mix together into a solution of passion
Icy chills run up my spine as I fulfill my obsession
Lust seeping through, I scratch down your chest
Rubbing softly over your heart and all of the rest
Moving so swiftly on these rapids of desire
Decide to change pace and allow you to light my fire

Sweat winds down my skin, I’m dripping with our love
Droplets collect on my chin, licked off by your tongue
Our flames lick the sky, stretching up to the heavens
Worries evaporate, from the heat in our possession
The windows are steamed, concealing our desire
Your warmth calls to me, only one log in your fire
Bodies rubbing together, the friction is shocking
Our chemistry is electric, no signs of sparks stopping
Your face is flushed and waiting, hips gently swaying
Blush with anticipation, from the rush of copulation
The air is hot and humid, your curly hair flys
Boiling together fluids, I’m stirring your insides
We reach a feverish pace, prod the coals to ignite
Explore every devious place, every hole grips me tight
Your moans echo off me, burning impressions in the sheets
An orchestra of sounds, gasping screams and bed squeaks
One last final thrust, we both shudder in unison
You squeeze out every last ounce, as we reach the conclusion
Our bodies glimmer shadows flicker, innocence surrendered
The blaze allowed to simmer, down to glowing embers

Damn this is pretty good guys. I liked the read, very descriptive and personnel on many levels I expect. I won't get into technical details, but for the most part this was a solid collab here. Props on a very artisitc drop, keep it up.

Eh, there's one or two errors with this that I can see. This needs some proof reading. It is a good pleasing piece though, with some nice emotional content, and some intriguing imagery. I definately think that your styles fuse well with one another, you both are very direct and forthright with your writing. I liked the concept, but I wasn't sure you dug deep enough with the whole fire/water thing. But yeah, nice job, on the whole. Keep writing, you both have so much talent.

thanks you guys .. can we please get some more ?

Damn this collab was amazing this will definently be in the poetic scriptures hall of fame.... I think that you both meshed well together on this collab, It was very crazt because both of your styles seemed more then identical but I could tell you apart because of what notti was saying.... But Notti you did a great job with your piece of the collab you had a very vivid description which I drew alot of imagery from.... Your flow was real nicce I liked how it was smooth and you couldnt really tell when it transitioned.... Nice Job.... Lyric your part was nice aswell.... I loved your details they were done amazingly and you deserve props on that.... I like the imagery that you gave because this piece was just plugged into my imagination and I love this collab.... Overall I thought that this coillab was done very well and it should be rewarded in some way.... I love the imagery throughout the whole piece nice work....
Lyric hit me up on aim about are collab....

Some more what? Can you please give me some more ;)
Tehehe...I liked this...I had a smile on my face the whole way through...Lyrics is a hot writer and you did well nottybabe to collaborate with him.

NottyXbabe - You were trying to capture the element of water in love making and I liked how you kept makeing symbolic references to water such as 'drowning in orgasmic oceans', 'depths of my deep', 'down like sunken ships'

Quote:

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Your love so divine as you begin to part my sea

---

This line I just got on the second read through, very graphic missy! and keeping to the water theme still. I like it.
The flow was pretty good, the ryhme scheme worked well. Vocab quite simple but overall this definatly worked for me.

Lyrcs - To start with the play on words was pretty hot, your flow is always dazzling to read.

Quote:

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The windows are steamed, concealing our desire
Your warmth calls to me, only one log in your fire

---

^Keeping to your version of love making 'Fire' using slightly different imagry and words painted an alternate picture. That quote above; I liked the last especially, simply for what it refers to..haha.

Quote:

---

Your moans echo off me, burning impressions in the sheets
An orchestra of sounds, gasping screams and bed squeaks

---

^I like how you've illustrated also the sound of passion
I definatly felt this, the flow was sweet with graphic imagry and a solid choice of words to which illustrated your element of Desire.

Overall

A great collaboration. I've read a few sensually graphic pieces recently on here, but this approached it slightly differently.
I liked how there were 2 overall perspectives, one given by the women and one the guy, both projecting different imagry.
Good drop peeps.

sNoopfox

"imagery" was intense... so many mental pictures formed in my mind, i think you both used great expression. Both of your verses meshed so well that you couldt really tell them apart, i think the first verse however was a little more basic than lyrics. But you used so much imagery that it didnt really matter. All i can say is that you both had alot of unity in this peice.... also both flows seemed very smooth, making this an easy read. But for the most part i liked both verses and give props to this peice...

neways keep droppin str8 heat...

Peace...

Goodness! you two are amazing when you write... not only poetry to the eye, but amazing poetry to the mind! I love how the two of you have such styles of writing that you can be so similar, yet so different at the very same time.... Its just one of those things that absolutley blows my mind! Brittany, hunny you're constantly building not only in emotion but the images that pass through my head were so indefinatley clear! The way that you hold yourself through your words is almost as though a lost art in the human mind... wonderful sweetie, great job!
Ben, hun.... you've always been a wonderous writer, so simplistic in your ways of writing, yet so detailed in how you actually let other percieve you! How you have aquired such a magnificent talent one may never know.... you are indeed a wonderful poet sweetie.... and this piece is just more proof to the facts... great job!
....the both of you work well together... i mean it...


.......fav part........

You run up to me, like a quiet river of love
Sweet words flowing, saying things you should of
Captivating me with those dark pools you call your eyes
It’s more than you realize how you leave me hypnotized

We reach a feverish pace, prod the coals to ignite
Explore every devious place, every hole grips me tight
Your moans echo off me, burning impressions in the sheets
An orchestra of sounds, gasping screams and bed squeaks


keep droppin




....bless

Thanks babe

thanks so much denise :) that made me smile..

This was wonderful Great us of imagery. There was also alot of unity. Keep up your writing both of you because it was great!

You run up to me, like a quiet river of love
Sweet words flowing, saying things you should of

i like the river metaphor herem and its connnection to words, very much romanticism. (sort of0

Captivating me with those dark pools you call your eyes
It’s more than you realize how you leave me hypnotized

the first line is very nice imagerym the second line i dont like so much

Your love so divine as you begin to part my sea
Sending waves of sensation as you touch and enter me

..defintally like very much the connection of water with emotion, did that very well./

Holding my body as we engage in rhythmic motions
You are my safety net, drowning in orgasmic oceans

ok..nice flow here...which is very good considering the meaning of the lines

Exploring the depths of my deep, sweet abyss
Letting the liquids flow with one single kiss
We float up like buoys, down like sunken ships
Tasting the salts as they linger on my tender lips

this is just plain nice stuff

You roll my hips east to west like the soft flowing wind
Your anchor sinking deeper, causing the very best of sin

i link "very best of sin" intresting idea. (paradox even?)

Juices trickle down us and romance fills the air
Soaking my body with you, especially ‘right there’

haha, i think you need to change this a bit, it doesnt fit well with the passage,,its to bland. sorry

Our bodies mix together into a solution of passion
Icy chills run up my spine as I fulfill my obsession

icy chills yet heated emotiong,..nice contrast

Lust seeping through, I scratch down your chest
Rubbing softly over your heart and all of the rest

okay imagery, personally i dont like these lines to much. seems uneeded, repetitive.

Moving so swiftly on these rapids of desire
Decide to change pace and allow you to light my fire

...haha, ok. the last line is kinda some bathos..and im not sure if you intended that.

aight, i very much could capture the movement and imagery, the only thing possibly missing from the poem is a meaning of it all, some may say thats not needed, maybe its jus a personal thing...i dont know.



Sweat winds down my skin, I’m dripping with our love
Droplets collect on my chin, licked off by your tongue

nice imagery right here, and flow to.

Our flames lick the sky, stretching up to the heavens
Worries evaporate, from the heat in our possession

this is great, it connects very well with the preceding sentences. a fluidity many poets seem to lack

The windows are steamed, concealing our desire
Your warmth calls to me, only one log in your fire

..i dont like.. "only one log in you fire" i mean, its good caus you have to think about it, by it just seems annoying outstandish. sorry.

Bodies rubbing together, the friction is shocking
Our chemistry is electric, no signs of sparks stopping

..k

Your face is flushed and waiting, hips gently swaying
Blush with anticipation, from the rush of copulation

this is a good build up

The air is hot and humid, your curly hair flys
Boiling together fluids, I’m stirring your insides

this is nice flow, i think bettween these two sentences and the previous two you should add something, because you had this nice build up, but it didnt lead twoards a climax

We reach a feverish pace, prod the coals to ignite
Explore every devious place, every hole grips me tight

...this is ok

Your moans echo off me, burning impressions in the sheets
An orchestra of sounds, gasping screams and bed squeaks

adding in sounds from different opbjects/people is nice techqnique u used here.

One last final thrust, we both shudder in unison
You squeeze out every last ounce, as we reach the conclusion

.. ithink you coul do better imagery then just saying "reaching our conclusion"

Our bodies glimmer shadows flicker, innocence surrendered
The blaze allowed to simmer, down to glowing embers

aight, besides the nice imagery in the ending, the best part is "innocence surrender" because it makes create an element besides just nice imagery. suggesting possible that sex took innocence, i think a countinous flowing idea like that needs to be right aside the imagery which is very nice in some places.

Thanks very much for an in depth break down .. much appreciated .. :)

yea, and plese drop some comments on dark councious, thankx

i'll get to it as soon as i can.. ;)

a really good piece

Fucker, don't re-up shit this damn old!



Please.