You cant do it your not good enough

I cant wait right to straight up text some stupid shit
Just straight up sign online get on my tbalet to write some stupid shit
And then laugh at you afterwards like ha that wasnt good enough
Like sorry man you dont get it your not cool youll never be good enough
And thats it what i aint have no piece yeah right stupid
That wasnt even funny you dont get it no one cares ypur just straight up stupid
Fuck a rhyme i have no life im the stupidest fuck alive
This isnt what ypu want to do no you get no love from the shorties
Whatever they color they all hate you and you aint have no stories
I dont care your not going to do it right your whack ya life is over
You aint a good lover you aint even loved by your mother
Sorry man you might have started something and it was alright
But you didnt last twice as long the other night
Sorry man i dont get it what is this a open mic stage
I can already tell that you dont get why this place is so fake
Dont learn nothing from me just go away im a selfish fuck
I sit in my bed by myself making loads of mistakes and dont give a fuck
I dont know how to rhyme im a total retard sorry man
I dont get it im not going to impress you i dont know how to rap
I guess im not ill at this shit or i pretend to be black
I didnt get it my life went by so fast and now its all gone up the ass
So fuck you especially if you made it
Im fucking you like two bitches that were naked
But you dont get it cause i probably wont
But you suck cock and dont lie and say you dont
You love sucking me off you love it all day long
Thats what botches do all day they suck the dong
Whatever i cant take bitches seriously if they wont give me a chance
I dont think i want one i hate my life everyone looking like man that guys a fag
He aint nice to nobody he aint even paint me no picture
What a stupid waste you suck and im no good with scriptures
You almost did another stint for the stupidest shit ever
So fuck you for letting me have a day to do it man you the best ever
Just remember i told you you couldnt do it right
And get ready for me to laugh like ha see i told you i was right....

Next time try rhyming instead of repeating the same words. Maybe then I'll actually read more than 4 lines.

Real funny man dont care im probably going end up in prison fuck your stupid rhyme shit...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Messiah

Real funny man dont care im probably going end up in prison fuck your stupid rhyme shit...

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I've got problems too buddy. The key is channeling your anger and misery into motivation to do something constructive rather than losing control, giving up and throwing your life away. Rhymes aren't stupid, they are a way of putting more emphasis on what you express and making it stick in someones mind. Rhymes are a tool of expression. Find a tool to sharpen if rhymes aren't your thing, instead of using the kind of tool that will fuck your life up worse just because you are depressed and angry.

At least i dropped a piece right??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Messiah

At least i dropped a piece right??

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Yes, now drop 5 more. Then drop down and give me 4000 one armed push ups on your knuckles.

Yeah, can tell no real effort was put into this. Not gonna really put an effort in the critique, but I'm sure you know what's up. Keep practicing.

I personally hate using double words on my shit but honestly the writers in lyrics these days do it a lot and that can be a style or a call sign type too... to bang off the same word 10 times... you know. I liked the piece it was descriptive and told some of the things you were mad about only one time I was like I wonder what he’s referring to. You seemed to be a skilled writer - looking forward to reading and seeing more from you.

Word thanks man im trying to keep to the subject but i dont know if i really pulled a story off though sorry if im just like not getting into it like as on point as i can get it ill try to work on that and as for rhymes ive got no angle at all just seems worthless im so sorry if im not the best writer i guess i can try a bit harder is all...who cares what happens in the end right??? Try my best i guess....