I Dont Know..

Her heart is empty
Does it know what she wants
Is it unsure of her feelings
I dont know..

Her tears spin on an axis
Waiting for disappointment
Is she really happy
I dont Know..

Her emotions hang in the balance
With a sledge hammer chizzling away
Can she feel the pain
I dont know..

Her life is living on a razor
Slowly cutting every inch of flesh
Will she end everything
I dont know..


Later at school, I didnt see her
The girl that no one notices,
The creative mind behind art,
An abstract person who feels
More then what she is told to,
The smartest person I have met,
I looked and I cant see her
Maybe she is sick, She looked
Kind of uneasy just yesterday,
So where is she, I dont know..


Her mind was a wreck
From years of toment and abuse
But was she on the right track
I dont know..

Last night she looked at her self
Her strength was gone
Did she see the crude remarks
I dont know..

The razor was abandon
In the medicine cabinet next to the pills
Does she have more to live for
I dont know..


Later at school, I didnt see her
The girl that no one notices
But there she was, The creative heart
Helping her mind over come,
There was a smile on her face that
Lasted all day, She had a weight
Lifted off of her shoulders, I cant help
but love her..


Does my heart truely feel this emotion
If it does then beat a little faster
Do I feel the transition
I do know..







and..







yes..

yeah this was a dope peice... i really like the repition it madew me feel good and wrapped it all together nicely... really this peice had strong emotiong prob one of the best peices ive read from you. It hit strong and made a lasting impretion, it made you like the girl that you where talking about, all in all this was golden. Not very complex but not too simple...

dope foreshadow...

oooh that was neat... i really liked the style you used on it or well i mean how you switched styles on the italics and went from omniscient to first-person, real neat. This poem also made me feel happy. Real nice man.

Nice drop Forshadow...I was feeling the journey of the read in the poem.
The fact that after some of the stanzas came 'I don't know' really fortified the feelings you have for her when you finally 'do know' something, which is described in the final stanza.
I got some nice imagry of a girl that everyone ignores but you see something more to her, it's quite sweet :)

Good drop.

sNoopfox

Ok ,

Nice drop here. Well constructed
piece. Like the way it went with
the "I don't Know" scheme.
Watch your spelling. Torment*

Umm definitely nice imagery.
short , silent , calm , interesting
nice poem.

well done.

yo that was tight like nice flow and stucture and rhyme scheme so keep doin your thang

ayo forshadow i liked that. One of the best things ive read form you i like the whole i dont know concept i was feelin it keep droppin and ill keep lookin out

Thanks for all the feedback it really means alot to me. Thanks.

Thanks for the reply in my piece

I really enjoyed this poem, the way you wrote it was just amazing I thought. The vocab wasn't overly large, but it was big enough to make it stand out and easy to understand which I liked, and the vocab you did choose I felt fit perfectly in those places which made for a good picture but mostly for the emotion ibn the questions you were asking or wondering I guess. Deffinitly a great piece. I'll be sure to look at some of your new stuff this week.

Sweetie, this drop is to me a remarkably well written piece. This piece seems to me that it may become (to me atleast) the most memorable piece that I have ever read, because normally when a person finds imagery in poetry, they see eomeone else.... in this poem, I don't see someone else, I see myself.... in every word, its like my days have somehow come out through your poetry. You've done an amazing job with this poem. When i read the line "the blade was abandon" it was an insipartion to me, becasue in a very real way to me, the blade has been abandoned for a few months, and the poem just got to me on such a personal level.In a technical aspect this is a fulfilled piece, becasue the structure is great, and everything else just kinda falls into its place. Great job! I hope that you do continue to write like this, becasue its amazing to me, how you write so well, with such simplistic words and style.


..........fav part.........

The razor was abandon
In the medicine cabinet next to the pills
Does she have more to live for
I dont know..


Later at school, I didnt see her
The girl that no one notices
But there she was, The creative heart
Helping her mind over come,
There was a smile on her face that
Lasted all day, She had a weight
Lifted off of her shoulders, I cant help
but love her..


Does my heart truely feel this emotion
If it does then beat a little faster
Do I feel the transition
I do know..

and..

yes..


keep droppin



....bless

I'm glad that it hit you that way Ever Dream. It means alot to me that you can relate to this poem so much.

I liked it alot FOre.
I like to read good writes.
Giving you ups isnt good enuff fella...that is a BADASSED PIECE BRO!

lookin forward to more ...

Thanks.