Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-m5T_Kh2qGe...illing+bag.jpg
Punching Through the Bag
(lyrics)
i'll more than match up a solid status and beast brawls
Thoughts of bad luck, before the bag busts and beads fall..
poaring pools it had trapped, knuckles fueling fast jabs.
done my dues, I'm past that, punching through a black bag.
dumped a few i'm back at, yeah it's swinging time
readiness, emptied quick like there's some green inside
the reason you heard whats struck in tune
when i think what this world is coming to, I seemed to have hurled another through..
fists that blast, inter-lap bits of scraps left intact,
this one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
emitting mad noise, fix a bad choice
taps poised, switching and splitting, shredding protective alloys,
no patience to hold off, cant take what I don't got
catching beatings, already leaking to the pace of a cold heart.
lost desires, dark and dire, common liars, palms on fire.
I'll be the bigger man with thicker skin than this carbon fiber
1-2 1-2
That bag get punched through
(knowp)
Sticks and stones may break my bones
Yet alone I have proven that theory wrong
Steer me on and watch force shake ceilings
The unbreakable with more broken feelings
Tylenol, Advil, depression, anxiety treatments
fail a heathen who’s legacy is shelled with demons
Paled like cement, breathing flames of frustration
Like an ancient agent faced with a dragons hatred
Pacing back n forth, moving forth yet going back
Walking wholes in the floor graffitied with this bag
Leaving me unmasked, seeded with the task
Of being free to grasp the evilness I have
Who’s seein’ all of that, visions can be fatal
Riddled man unstable, driven dim and labeled
Willing, dealing, able, able to steer a wheel
Around loving corners through buildings built of steel
Causes justified just if I could find a cause
Living with inner tyrants cascading pains and walls
All I had was this bag, representation of stillness
Now we're both broken, the true faces of brilliance
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Damn this was such a dope topic i really wanted to write for this since boxing is a passion of mine. Lyrics your creativity for this was dope af man i like how u developed visuals of the actual punching bag from its fabric what was inside, the actions of the punching bag and developed that into bars loved the conciousness of that my dude.
dumped a few i'm back at, yeah it's swinging time
readiness, emptied quick like there's some green inside
the reason you heard whats struck in tune
when i think what this world is coming to, I seemed to have hurled another through..
fists that blast, inter-lap bits of scraps left intact,
this one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
emitting mad noise, fix a bad choice
taps poised, switching and splitting, shredding protective alloys,
U used the bag as a metaphore fucking ill as fuck man
KnowP
Your verse had more emotion i got a visual u were defeating ur frustrations.
Sticks and stones may break my bones
Yet alone I have proven that theory wrong
Steer me on and watch force shake ceilings
The unbreakable with more broken feelings
Tylenol, Advil, depression, anxiety treatments
fail a heathen who’s legacy is shelled with demons
Overall good work gentlemen both of yall came with different aspects on how yall would display the topic gave me different visuals as the reader
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Joe Boston: *mmmn* "sick in my mouth"
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Wow, very well written between you two. I glanced at this earlier and never got around to give feed on it until now.
Quote:
i'll more than match up a solid status and beast brawls
Thoughts of bad luck, before the bag busts and beads fall..
.
.
.
Quote:
his one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
emitting mad noise, fix a bad choice
taps poised, switching and splitting, shredding protective alloys,
no patience to hold off, cant take what I don't got
catching beatings, already leaking to the pace of a cold heart.
lost desires, dark and dire, common liars, palms on fire.
I'll be the bigger man with thicker skin than this carbon fiber
Ok, Hi _Lyrics, I don't think i ever read anything before from you, but damn ur verse was sick. Dope ass opener and closing bars really brought in some dope imagery to me which helped me read through your verse. I didn't quote the middle of your verse only because, honestly, I didn't like it. Now, no, I am not even saying ur verse sucked, because it didn't. I just quoted what I thought was the best parts of ur verse. I suppose that everyone has different tastes to what they all like, and I really liked ur verse all together.
...
Quote:
Paled like cement, breathing flames of frustration
Like an ancient agent faced with a dragons hatred
Pacing back n forth, moving forth yet going back
Walking wholes in the floor graffitied with this bag
Leaving me unmasked, seeded with the task
Of being free to grasp the evilness I have
Who’s seein’ all of that, visions can be fatal
Riddled man unstable, driven dim and labeled
.
.
.
Quote:
Causes justified just if I could find a cause
Living with inner tyrants cascading pains and walls
All I had was this bag, representation of stillness
Now we're both broken, the true faces of brilliance
KP Im aware at wat you can do, and rest assured son, you delivered. I quoted those lines which i think was the best part of your piece.
Overall, this was a real dope concept. Its good to see people thinking outside of the box once in a while to get a better grasp on what should be presented here in the Open Mic section. _Lyrics really impressed me. I never seen anything from him until now, but he got his shit down for real. KP, like I says, I know what this cat can do, and he delivered his shit. Both of you heads got some real dope imagery going and flowing throughout your verses which is always a huge ass plus for any reader. Like I said, this was different - not bad, but different. I think u guys complimented each other real well in this piece, both coming fom different sides of ur verses. This was def an enjoyable piece to read. Good work fellas.
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Pretty decent read, gents.
Lyrics, this was quite the spit man. I get a bit of a more free verse vibe than an in depth storyline so that's how I'm approaching it with my feedback. The wording here was really nice. A couple grammatical and spelling errors here and there but nothing worth bringing up since a free verse is more about the technique rather than the technical, for me at least. Rhyme scheme is beast and I like how you switched it up a couple times to stay away from getting stale. Overall, a nice verse bud. KnowP, felt like you kinda drifted away from the content Lyrics had which always hurts a collaboration and it felt like you had a bit of an issue keeping up flow wise but there were some spots of beauty here and there that I caught on to. Overall, I wish the two of you would've done a more cohesive job working together because it felt like two random free verses thrown down with a picture of a boxing bag but there was some nice content in both verses. Look forward to the next piece from you both.
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
(lyrics)
Quote:
i'll more than match up a solid status and beast brawls
Thoughts of bad luck, before the bag busts and beads fall..
poaring pools it had trapped, knuckles fueling fast jabs.
done my dues, I'm past that, punching through a black bag.
Stunning intro Lyrics. Your work always flows well and has really well placed words that seem to fall into place effortlessly.
Good start to this piece I'd say. You've got descriptions down pat and a reality hitting the reader that's not always accomplished
and yet, you did it with natural talent.
Quote:
dumped a few i'm back at, yeah it's swinging time
readiness, emptied quick like there's some green inside
the reason you heard whats struck in tune
when i think what this world is coming to, I seemed to have hurled another through..
Not bad. But because I was so impressed with that intro, this bit here doesn't seem as strong as that.
Not that it's bad, it's imo, just not as strong.
Quote:
fists that blast, inter-lap bits of scraps left intact,
But that sentence was pure fire. Filled with beautiful internal rhymes.
Quote:
this one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
And those descriptions were organic and raw. I can see the boxer doing his thing.
Quote:
emitting mad noise, fix a bad choice
Nice multi.
Quote:
taps poised, switching and splitting, shredding protective alloys,
no patience to hold off, cant take what I don't got
catching beatings, already leaking to the pace of a cold heart.
lost desires, dark and dire, common liars, palms on fire.
I'll be the bigger man with thicker skin than this carbon fiber
Yes. So nice. Great outro. The pace builds here consistently which is a wonderful way to go out.
The melodical flow is a star here.
Quote:
1-2 1-2
That bag get punched through
Love this bridge into the second verse. How clever.
Good work Lyrics. Great reading your mindset again.
Always a buzz for me.
(knowp)
Quote:
Sticks and stones may break my bones
Yet alone I have proven that theory wrong
Steer me on and watch force shake ceilings
The unbreakable with more broken feelings
KnowP, clever intro into your verse. I really like the sticks and stones line,
but I think you did well backing it up with anoter clever line also.
That 'shake ceilings/broken feelings' rhyme is cool, but that last line is great.
'The unbreakable with more broken feelings' is supurb.
Quote:
Tylenol, Advil, depression, anxiety treatments
fail a heathen who’s legacy is shelled with demons
Paled like cement, breathing flames of frustration
Like an ancient agent faced with a dragons hatred
Nice lines here KnowP. Cool flow and rhymes too.
Quote:
Pacing back n forth, moving forth yet going back
This line isn't working for me. I don't know. Just doesn't do it for me after being so impressed
with your other lines, this falls a little flat for me. Bit all over the place I'd say. I know what you want
to say but I think it looses on delivery.
Quote:
Walking wholes in the floor graffitied with this bag
Leaving me unmasked, seeded with the task
Of being free to grasp the evilness I have
Who’s seein’ all of that,
Nice KnowP. Very, very nice. Lovely flow. Great wording. A typo, no biggie. I just love all of this bit.
Especially that last line because I think it draws the reader in more by asking the question.
Quote:
visions can be fatal
Riddled man unstable, driven dim and labeled
Willing, dealing, able, able to steer a wheel
Around loving corners through buildings built of steel
And again, nice way with words. Really great lines here. Love line two and three especially because
you ramming it jam packed with internals gets me revved.
Quote:
Causes justified just if I could find a cause
Living with inner tyrants cascading pains and walls
All I had was this bag, representation of stillness
Now we're both broken, the true faces of brilliance
Is there anything much better than a strong outro? Doubt it.
What a way to go out. That last line was sheer brilliance.
Congrats on the way you went out with this. You did it justice.
Fellas, very impressive piece right here. I liked it. There were only a couple of lines
in this, one from each I think that I wasn't a big fan of, but the rest was gold.
I think you were both able to put yourselves in the situation and make the reader believe you were
coming from a place that was genuine and unique and that alone isn't an easy feat.
I really liked how the two pieces worked together, filling body and mind. The emotional aspect
was drawn out by KnowP and I think that worked well in the second stanza.
Great work as always by _Lyrics, and backed up beautifully by KnowP's verse.
The two verses imo complimented each other which made this a pleasurable piece.
Great Read.
Wonderful work here gentlemen.
Thank you.
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
word up. good looks on the feed. glad yall felt it though. Lyrics, I owe you man. I should of tagged off of your concept but I went my own direction as usual. GOod bars fam.
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
This was dope, collectively and separately
Separate part
L
Your verse came to me like Rakim was spitting this. Using the intricacy of bringing aspects of the bag and the violence it takes to see those fine details and correlating them with worldly actions was brilliant. You wrapped this monotone vision of a punching bag and given it a 3 dimensional skin so that it could breathe the imagery you bestowed on it. One of the hardest verses I seen in a long while.
K
I like how you follow up not going in the direction of L but bringing a secondary view focusing on the violence of punching a bag than the bag itself. It was almost covering where L didn't journey to you went there to give this complete verse. Not tripping on the one mistake in the verse but the representation that you brought to support your imagery was dope. It's like fighting Mike Tyson and Klitchko at the same time...
Collectively
This was a dance of views that worked well with each other. You both brought out the finer details to highlight something that could have not been attractive topic wise. The skill you laid in this pushes the envelop and thinking that if this was a battle diss done audio...fire
Good job to the both of you...
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Thought this was cool. Lyrics verse was prett y dope
fists that blast, inter-lap bits of scraps left intact,
this one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
Shit was fire.
Thought knows verse was cool some of his wording needed to be touched up but i enjoyed it.
Who’s seein’ all of that, visions can be fatal
Riddled man unstable, driven dim and labeled
Willing, dealing, able, able to steer a wheel
Around loving corners through buildings built of steel
-thought this shit was heat bro
Overall good shit fellas
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
(lyrics)
i'll more than match up a solid status and beast brawls
Thoughts of bad luck, before the bag busts and beads fall..
poaring pools it had trapped, knuckles fueling fast jabs.
done my dues, I'm past that, punching through a black bag.
Dope rhyming with the slant syllables on this, definitely added an emphasis of emotions, I liked how you opened this too with a vent bar, like you're just letting out the anger and shit...real dope bro...
dumped a few i'm back at, yeah it's swinging time
readiness, emptied quick like there's some green inside
the reason you heard whats struck in tune
when i think what this world is coming to, I seemed to have hurled another through..
The consistency of rhyme kinda fell off here, but it didn't take away much and I'm still enjoying what I'm reading, like you're delving deeper into this world of hurt you're in, showing us whatsup... diggity dope cuh
fists that blast, inter-lap bits of scraps left intact,
this one was an Everlast, I knew it would never last..
then there was the leather backs, hit and hacked
felt like every session i had to give it a different patch..
You could definitely benefit from expanding more than limiting your metaphor descriptions on what you're feeling, don't be afraid of long bar and shit... you can experience a great deal of relief when you start to get your points across in full.... First line to these four is kinda hard to interpret fully because of the inter-lap bit, but I ain't complaining, after reading for so many years I kind of get any and all bars that come my way... You got a good head on your shoulders to write like this, I'd like to see more, honestly.
a simple type of raw, a rip of violence force
another feels broken, steel woven and bled of iron ore..
emitting mad noise, fix a bad choice
taps poised, switching and splitting, shredding protective alloys,
Good use of vocabulary, slant rhyme on the first line is dope as fuck, I can tell you might have a northerners accent just by how you wrote this haha ... using inner rhyme too is always a benefit to the overall message of things, so I gotta say nice job on that bruz....
no patience to hold off, cant take what I don't got
catching beatings, already leaking to the pace of a cold heart.
lost desires, dark and dire, common liars, palms on fire.
I'll be the bigger man with thicker skin than this carbon fiber
1-2 1-2
That bag get punched through
Overall this was jam packed with emotions and was hitting the note of your mind feeling, like I honestly digged the shit out of this, so much in so little, just an easy read and got the whole message across.... That pace of a cold heart line really hit me, made me think of my brother.. fuck.. .Really good work dude.
(knowp)
Sticks and stones may break my bones
Yet alone I have proven that theory wrong
Steer me on and watch force shake ceilings
The unbreakable with more broken feelings
Damn dude, killin it with these bars right now, got me vibing to this beat I'm listening to, I can hear this on a beat fluidly...That broken feelings line is fire
Tylenol, Advil, depression, anxiety treatments
fail a heathen who’s legacy is shelled with demons
Paled like cement, breathing flames of frustration
Like an ancient agent faced with a dragons hatred
you could've added 'his' to shelled with demons like 'shelled with-his-demons' ...sounds like butter fam... but still dope, I wont knock on your style, I'm loving these open bars tho, shits all over the place with imagination but it makes sense so it's like extremely good. Nice writing...you could've emphasized so much more on the anxiety treatments set up too, like holy fuck... If I could rewrite to that It'd be like 'Tylenol, Advil, depression and anxiety treatments// eyes on fire, choir to my life and these demons!' on some tech n9ne shit bruh ... fire bars tho... fire...
Pacing back n forth, moving forth yet going back
Walking wholes in the floor graffitied with this bag
Leaving me unmasked, seeded with the task
Of being free to grasp the evilness I have
First line is wobbly with flow, it's not really flowing off the tongue properly, I'm gonna be blunt because I know you got talent to exceed the bar you set here, for yourself, and I hope you focus more on this before rushing a bar out.... Hope this helped a little...all good vibes fam.
Who’s seein’ all of that, visions can be fatal
Riddled man unstable, driven dim and labeled
Willing, dealing, able, able to steer a wheel
Around loving corners through buildings built of steel
Oh fuck that first bar, the metaphor and bridging here paved the way, really digging this whole message you laid out and I can get multiple meanings from the last bit, shits dope buddy... good writing here.
Causes justified just if I could find a cause
Living with inner tyrants cascading pains and walls
All I had was this bag, representation of stillness
Now we're both broken, the true faces of brilliance
Overall all of this verse was crazy to me, you really went in with how you felt in an abstract yet real way of how you feel, a perfect yin and yang balance to the chaotic minds we all have when we write, only through the chaos can we learn to tame the fires inside and learn to express ourselves and you my friend obviously figured it out. You both did a wonderful job here... I'm thoroughly impressed and I don't say that fuckin' shit often... Good work my n words (ayyyy)
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
word thanks for all feedback.
@_Lyrics
thanks for the opportunity to get in on this man. dope shyt.
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Haha no doubt know p glad you were on it!
Big ups for the feedback everyone thank you all, will return the favors
Re: Punching through the bag - KnowP & Lyrics
Quote:
Originally Posted by
_Lyrics
Haha no doubt know p glad you were on it!
Big ups for the feedback everyone thank you all, will return the favors
this song I just posted in Open Mic will be recorded here in a week or two, would love any feedback