Lenox

War... Another phase to test the faith of man.
Opposite nations use innocent to maintain their land.
..Somewhere overseas.. where dark red stains the sands.
Fighting for an unjust cause despite our pigment.
"a man who sees death is a man who finds religion".
...Broken hearts and violent killings...
So we exchange others lives to keep our existence.


Deployment #1:

Country boys, we live where violence has never been.
They say "the fights never over till your life comes to a sudden end."
24 hours in, and all the friends I had once met were dead.
I had a wired expression, wearing a blood soaked army fatigue,
The first life I took changed mine, I soon tarnished all beliefs.
I never gave a fuck for the Purple Heart on my sleeve.
I was more concerned with all the men who are now deceased.
This isn't brothers and arms, it's the sons of families who have rotted away.
I swear I had at least 3 in my battalion that lived 1 block away.
I won't let this be my dance with death, not today.



Feedback: kingslayers California , Witt's smoke a lot

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Draft #3456: Alexander Winfield, Austin Texas. Age 19. DOB: July 3rd,1925

War... Another phase to test the faith of man.
Opposite nations use innocent to maintain their land.
..Somewhere overseas.. where dark red stains the sands.
Fighting for an unjust cause despite our pigment.
"a man who sees death is a man who finds religion".
...Broken hearts and violent killings...
So we exchange others lives to keep our existence.


Deployment #1:

Country boys, we live where violence has never been.
They say "the fights never over till your life has come to an sudden end."
24 hours in, and all the friends I had once met were dead.
I had a wired expression, wearing a blood soaked army fatigue,
The first life I took changed mine, I soon tarnished all beliefs.
I never gave a fuck for the Purple Heart on my sleeve.
I was more concerned with all the men who are now deceased.
This isn't brothers and arms, it's the sons of families who have rotted away.
I swear I had at least 3 in my battalion that lived 1 block away.
I won't let this be my dance with death, not today.

Hey caged, this was an interesting ode to soldiers in a past war piece, I may have been desensitized to some of it having read plenty of war combat pieces, though its been a while since ive seen one. The message was fluid and the imagery was pretty good, as was the flow, content wise I wasnt given very much to get me more connected with Mr. Winfield, some vague glimpses but nothing really personalized to make me feel more connected, definitely expanding on deeper descriptions and characterization will help you out in a piece like this. Thanks for the read!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by _Lyrics

Hey caged, this was an interesting ode to soldiers in a past war piece, I may have been desensitized to some of it having read plenty of war combat pieces, though its been a while since ive seen one. The message was fluid and the imagery was pretty good, as was the flow, content wise I wasnt given very much to get me more connected with Mr. Winfield, some vague glimpses but nothing really personalized to make me feel more connected, definitely expanding on deeper descriptions and characterization will help you out in a piece like this. Thanks for the read!

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Thank u sir.

Still rusty. Twas my first piece in some months