WK16: Hello There (3-5) vs Cleverwords (0-1) Hello There wins

http://i.imgur.com/GtJT262.png


LLL SEASON XXII RULES!

verses due: FRIDAY 11:59PST
Minimum Lines = 10 Lines
Maximum Lines = 20 Lines

CHAMP MATCH IS MIN 14 Lines

Extension: Up to opponent IF verse completed & posted/sent. Otherwise at the Moderators discretion.
If an EXT is needed, you MUST inquire 24 hours prior to deadline, otherwise it will be DECLINED!
VOTING CLOSES SUNDAY
BATTLES SET SHORTLY AFTER!
EVERYONE IS REQUIRED TO VOTE ON LLL champ,FL CHAMP (if OFV) and LLL Contender matches
EVERYONE IS ALSO REQUIRED TO PROVIDE 3 OTHER VOTING LINKS FROM LEAGUE
Failure to provide these links will result in vote deduction THIS WEEK
ur 5 voting links are due Sunday 6 pm central, 7 eastern, etc etc.
Failure to meet these requirements two weeks in a row will Earn yourself an L on your record & 3 weeks till Title contention
3 Week Failure = Season Ban

1 no shows you out for the fallowing week.
3 no shows you out for season.

Since everyone MUST Vote on Champ/Contenders
Those battles will be Majority Votes WIN!!

NO BITING OR RECYCLING!!!!
Biting results in a SEASON BAN
Recycle Once = DQ
RECYCLE TWICE = BANNED FOR SEASON

Contender match loses result in 2 weeks till contention

CHECKS,VERSES VOTES ONLY IN BATTLE THREADS!!!!!

Pic Battles MUST BE AGREED ON! IF NOT THAN NO PICS!!


@hello there @Clever words

Check.. 10 lines are cool?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CleverWordz

Check.. 10 lines are cool?

---

Sure. Check.

Your avatar practically screams "I'm fat and live with my parents"...

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..

Hello Neighbor..

... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,
A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,
Nigga I'll fold deez Arms wit da legs, an Indian stance da clip Whole,
Til bullets carve an Eagle at ur Top, it'll remake his Totem Pole,
So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...

Hello:
Opener- decent. U def cleaned up ur wording, and dummy proofed ur shit. Ppl still may not get this tho.
Trafficking- decent again. I def liked the word association. Dont think I've seen trafficking done in a "ur girls a slut" way before. So props. But i hated ur set up
Papa- the set up was clean af. Didnt like how u executed this idea tho.
Casket- i liked the concept. Execution was decent. Only real critique here, is that ur set up was too wordy, semingly for the sake of multis.
Closer- didnt care for the setup. Target lines are played also.

Vs

Cleverwordz:
Opener- this was pretty good. Didnt like the set up, but the nameplay was good.
Colonoscopy- this angle doesnt work for. Ass lines are done to death. If you had a dif angle w the colonoscopy angle this could have worked. As is, this is a miss
Totem pole- this is a miss, but theres bits i liked. There was def some good tie ins, w the whole indian angle. But this fell flat.
Pinball- the both sides/pinball angle was decent. But overall this is a miss
Closer- sharper wording could havr really saved this bar. The concept was pretty good.

Vote hello.
H/T- pretty consistent. Just work on tying ur setup to the punch a liiiiiiil bit better n u might pull off an upset here n there.
Clever- u also had some decent ideas. Just clean up the wording, and get fresher material. Ur opener and closer was good tho

HT
Your avatar practically screams "I'm fat and live with my parents"... lol this dude

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..


vs


CW
Hello Neighbor..

... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,
A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,
ussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...



CW i believe this is the first battle i have read of yours and it was good. i enjoyed your concepts but you have some wording issues. your last line. the one i highlighted blue could have been a rebuttal to HT's verse last week i believe and also could have been fire but i wording took away from the impact dramatically. HT you wording is coming along. you have improved a bit imo. i didnt feel all over your bars but i thought overall you were more consistent than cleverwordz here. good job guys

v/Hello There

Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..

vs

So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone''

So yea, this batle was equal in concepts that were well formulated and nearly as equal in misses..
It came down to each competitors atempt at a nameplay bar with:

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
versus
... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,

of which the latter came more direct and to the point wit cleaner wording and a better flip. Shakes dont 'usually' come in a bag.. unless its raining or something so, the connection wasn't there.

V/Clever

Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..

Vs.

So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...



V/ hello there

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hello there

Your avatar practically screams "I'm fat and live with my parents"...

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
...not following
Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!
...this funny i like this
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
...no sir
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..
...could have been better
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..
...like the idea, not the finish

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CleverWordz

Hello Neighbor..

... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,
...nice
A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,
...eh
Nigga I'll fold deez Arms wit da legs, an Indian stance da clip Whole,
Til bullets carve an Eagle at ur Top, it'll remake his Totem Pole,
...idea good, execution nah
So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
...yes indeed
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...
...same as bar 3

---

v. clever...i liked hello's concepts more but they just didnt connect for me. clever had 2 punches i really liked though.

Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,
nah
A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,
lol nah gay
Nigga I'll fold deez Arms wit da legs, an Indian stance da clip Whole,
Til bullets carve an Eagle at ur Top, it'll remake his Totem Pole,
itll remain his totem pole..:wow sick diss....not
So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
first line was corny but second line ended up decent
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...
your grammar is trash foh

Vs


Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
.....
Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!
i mean why’d you end both lines in her? Na
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
lol wack ripoff on my papa line, are you just trolling us with this verse?
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..
horrible, doesn’t even make sense tbh
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..
no


Ok so I guess these other voters aren’t going to be straight up with you with rating your bars so I’ll have to do it, but it’s expected for people on this site to tell you your shits fire even when it’s not. Clever, you need to work on grammar and wording big time. Also your concepts are a bit weak and id like to see you think more outside of the box, get creative. h.t. idk man I honestly consider this a troll type verse, like there’s no way you could be forreal with this. Your bars are childish and you try to incorporate weak humor with basic concepts and its really just a recipe for disaster tbh man. You still need to figure out the basic mechanics on how to form a solid punchline, toss all the unfunny kiddy jokes out the window and aim for the neck. You aren’t going to win battles with 3 bars in a row about fucking someone’s mom in a casket. It’s gonna be a helluva task for you to grow on RB especially since you have that dia type troll personality which is straight up cancerous. You wanna get better? Here are your two options: Find someone good to take you under their wing and coach and train you (plethora, Greedy, Barcotic, Blue Bayou, Bash, For Battling, Aero). OR, you’ll have to test your hand battling on the dark side, which is Netcees. The text scene is a bit slow right now but I’ll get better soon again, it always does. Regardless of the mods here who talk shit about Netcees, its the truth, you won’t get better until you start battling better competition, and there’s only a handful of good people here. Before I knew about Netcees, I only battled here and I was only mid tier at best, sure I got better over time on here but I was never able to pass that threshold of extreme elevation. After a year or so of battling on Netcees and getting beat by dope heads, testing out different styles, experimenting, and finally developing my own style of text, I was finally able to become top tier. You won’t achieve that by staying here and battling joe Boston 100 times, you need to venture outside of your safe zone and run with the big dogs. If you wanna stay here forever and just talk shit to people in the triple L chat thread then by all means go ahead, but you’re never going to improve. Heed my advice man, and good luck.


Vote CleverWordz

@hello there -

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..

lmao, pretty funny bar. Not too bad, nice.

Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!

This was pretty decent, nice.

Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..

This was actually, pretty good. Sounds like something I would write. Nice.

Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..

This was nice, good.

Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back..

This was one of your weaker bars, but it was okay.
@CleverWordz -

Hello Neighbor..

... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,

Your idea was there, but the wording was not that good; only decent. Not too bad, though.

A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,

This was okay, but not too good.

Nigga I'll fold deez Arms wit da legs, an Indian stance da clip Whole,
Til bullets carve an Eagle at ur Top, it'll remake his Totem Pole,

Lmao, this was decent. Nice.

So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,

This was okay, cool.

Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone...

This was okay, another decent bar.

Overall -

This was a pretty close compatible battle. But in the end, I just think hello there had the better bars this time around. He was a bit more decent in his craft. Nice one, guys. Kudos'.

V/ Hello There

4-3

...

Clever words? Heard there's debate. So watch me murder this fake..
When I hand you the body bag? That's a burger and shake..
decent flip with the intro
Dead the gun talk, loser. I'll find your boo and let the whole crew screw her..
You ain't trafficking. :/ YOUR HOE LETS DUDES RUN THROUGH HER!
this is ok, i think it needed a lil more to it
Your bitch calls me Daddy. And them tatas silky soft..
So when I see you, PA! PA! *screamin*... like your father pissed me off..
i like the creativity. not a huge of where u went with it
Bury you deep in the grass, bet. Then feed your girl dick -- see how thick can the ass get..
When I hammer the walls of a brick house, that's your bitch and your casket..
cool jab
Trust. This tard will get attacked. Ask Tess Holiday, it ain't hard to get the clap..
When my shooters dressed to kill, and you got Target on your back.
i like the angle u took but the target shit is done to death.

vs

... Look fuck ya name or whomever it changed, catch a bleak shiv,
I'll have HELLO plastered on the ground.. Till it worn out its Adhesive,
cool
A troll at best, post irrelevant to set hype whom gassing Who?
Shit ur better off booking a Colonoscopy just to see da ASS in you,
nah played
Nigga I'll fold deez Arms wit da legs, an Indian stance da clip Whole,
Til bullets carve an Eagle at ur Top, it'll remake his Totem Pole,
i liked the idea but the execution missed.
So talk is cheap, ya mom draws my antenna streaming no static,
With this bitch getting hit from Both sides, she's a pinball fanatic,
ok
Pussy! The gun splits personality, everywhere hello ya Mind Blown,
With multiple shots hittin, They're, their and THERE, I just targeted a Homophone..
really liked the concept.



i got hello taking this with more consistency. clever got hurt by some played concepts but his wording is decent and he did have a couple dope ideas. hello has improved a ton, no haymakers but a still a good verse. good shit to both

vote hello