Re: ps verse - U.S elections
sup Em,
You obviously have a flare for poetry, and i mean, its an expected touch to anything you post.
"And after a bloodied moonlight, a stoning for the Sun"
"They crawled on pebbled paths and stumbled to the steeples"
"their unfiltered lust and their desolate heart"
great examples of those doses of dope metaphors you trickle in, but every single line has a deeper underlying meaning. I gather this is a dig at America by the title, which i dont get because there are much more tyrannical governments out there like Cuba, South Korea, Iran etc. . but i guess America is just a popular target for other countries these days. But, ill shut off my politics and reflect on just how well this all was written and came together. . great to see a verse in here from you Emily, hope to see more. .
just dont pick on America next time or i might have to pull out my weapon of mass destruction (for a good time)
@Emily
Re: ps verse - U.S elections
I agree with Enoch you certainly are more on the "poet" side of the equation when it comes to these drops which so often turn into someone laying down 10 bars of them just describing who they're gonna shoot and steal their girl.
The descriptive nature of your work is whats rewarding as a reader. The sentences don't always feed directly into each other perfectly but they're so descriptive and vivid they leave me (or the reader) with a sense of exactly what you're saying as well as the image you're portraying!
Good shit Em!
Re: ps verse - U.S elections
@Enoch Light
, get cha guns ready baby and come at me lol.
lol @weapon of mass passion.
Were were given a pic of Clinton and Trump and had to write about that pic.
That was the topic that week. I wrote this the night before the elections
and since I don't know that much about your state of affairs over there, bar what the
bs media put out, I kind of went down the adam and eve trail instead.
Thanks so much for your feed. I appreciate it Enoch.
@Metrics
, thank you for taking the time to read and also to feed.
And for that perfect line of '......10 bars of them just describing who they're gonna shoot and steal their girl...'
lol loved that. I appreciate the time you took, so thanks again metrics.
Re: ps verse - U.S elections
Quote:
I sleep with the promise of tomorrow, deep within my heart
Though we have doomed the touch of truth in the garden cart
Vexing voices of a nation, blowing in the wind
Fixing fearful forests where we, the evil, sinned
With wicked ways, our foul, corrupt, egregious, crooked lies
Mask majestic authority and valor in our stride
And after a bloodied moonlight, a stoning for the Sun
We’ve stolen breath from babies. The fall of man has come
Got damn, Em ... that was hard and politically charged. I'm thoroughly impressed -- not only by your superb use of poetic language and abstract imagery (which was incredible) -- but more so by how strong you content was and the conviction in your message. Also, from a mechanical p.o.v. you really got busy with your pen game. I'm digging the majority of your wording and all the clever techniques you used to construct your rhyme scheme -- which was truly liquid from top-to-bottom (give maybe a bump or two).
[quote]They crawled on pebbled paths and stumbled to the steeples
Asking God for guidance to pick between two evils[quote]
The wording here is fantastic.
Quote:
Hiding in hope’s shelter, the noble and the tall
Honest above all. This is their honour call
Declaring waves of truth: All men created equal
Let this man or woman feel the suffering of their people
That last line is powerful.
Quote:
For their wholesome appetite, a fountain not of knowledge
But deleterious greed…acknowledge and demolish
their unfiltered lust and their desolate heart
If a serpent is to serve us let it crawl from the start
Hmmm ...I'm loving the rebelliousness, it's intriguing to me and very well thought out and presented.
Quote:
To be a soldier for this country, their pursuit: absolute
They know the lessons well. They’ve both consumed the fruit
Again, interesting perspective.
I'm sure by now you of all people are quite familiar with my brand of politics. Needless to say I don't have to tell you just how much I'm feeling this piece, right? In any case, for the sake of proper feedback I will say that I thought it was current, socially relevant, and hard hitting commentary wrapped within a sheet of brilliant lingo and poetic devices.
Top knotch homie
Peace...
