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waves rush in washing clean any memory off the canvas.
new hues blossom across a sky creating a new atlas.
a serene sonnet of blues & yellows play in blooming cues.
while the wind, brimming with hope plays a soothing tune.
light as a feather floating among the countless clouds
as far as the eye can see, as much as boundless allows.
the sun warm, gleaming across the landscape aimless.
those waves once violent now somber in a tame dance.
light as a feather floating helpless in a trance.
under normal circumstances i'd say great imagery, but in this case it was provided (via pic) so i'll preface by saying great dictation of topic. i like the thematic string that ran through this stanza. the musical theme was notable.
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now those waves flooded with memories cover the canvas entirely
swimming through the past, each key moment plays in its entirety.
a fathers lessons on how good enough isn't good enough!
a mothers obsession with the oceans and white doves.
a fifth grade crush with a smile across the the classroom.
as a feeling of " oh my good she just smiled at me" consumes.
a bully's fearful gloom pierces into the view, and joy swoons.
and a dreadful feeling of fists' comes into queue.
those would always end with a mothers touch and a "you ok?"
and a warmth settled in this metaphysical play.
this was my favorite stanza. the words were still as flowery but you were able to inject pathos into the pretty picture. little bite size image of youth's moments made it an easily task to connect with. also from this line, i wanna say that the character is dying? i based that soley on the whole life flash before my eye trope.
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a river once shallow, now knee deep as each step gets heavy
as the flood of memories serge through my minds levy.
finding comfort in the divine light of the suns gaze
drifting towards the center almost begging for the flames.
a dove breaks the skyline, changing the focal point of my view.
and that warmth once again brings out loyalties truth
"you've always had wings, flying' always been in you"
wasn't so thrilled with the "flying always been you" phrasing but this stanza had some great metaphors. i felt it was crucial to the exposition of the narrative. the aquatic theme is still prevalent but the addition of dove as a symbol of freedom was well implemented.
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taking a leap towards the dove my grasp falls to the wind
diving deeper into this river of memory & past life whims.
and suddenly feeling weightless i can feel the ripples
under each finger tip as the water consumes my visuals.
like the dove i flap my arms back and forth
trying to reach the surface with the pure pray of hope.
and as all the memories fade away, only one stays.
"hey! my little dove, you ok?"
i really dig the juxtaposing of drowning and memory, in this last stanza. i thought u sewn the two concepts together well. from this segment i can draw out two things, one, my initial assessment of him dying held true, two, he is simply an adult now who romanticizes the carefree days of youth. i've touched on those themes many times myself so maybe thats why this piece registered with me so much.
overall, a solid showing, fatso. keep writing, sir!
