Young Dillinger

Ain’t fazin J, sedated & trippy sipping crazy taking days away
Sprites a wavy shade, if it gets any darker I’ma mistake it for Grape Gatorade
My shotty’s riding shotty, but it’s not my shawty its the pump
Main bitch smokin skunk in the back while spittin raps & doin bumps
The strap don’t touch my money, barrel’s hot & burning thru
An hour in, I’ve counted so many New Hundo’s that my hands are turning Blue

Sometimes she call me papi, JD’s a monster but not her father
Black silhouette, you can tell I’m a mobster jus by my posture
Should be in Iraq w/ the straps, u don't get time to call ppl
All lethal - Pistol w/ the serial scratched, that's a Bald Eagle
I stand up for the squad, we w/ the static like bad channels
U’ll catch me ‘boxin w/ some blood’ like I was packagin lab samples
Clip long as a Pan Handle, y’all kno the FL is where I stay
Double cup w/ so much mud it’s like I’m sippin the Everglades
Not w/ goofy shit & for my time its like a bidding war
Known to keep it low-key... Thor poster on a midgets door

White tee w/ bright chains, ya wifey in a nice Range, I light flames & it’s over
We’re not on Mars, but she on another planet smoking hybrid strains in the Rover
Now I’m zonin’ out at a homies house & fell asleep w/ a 40 ounce
At younger ages the floor was lava but I jus straight up melted into shortys couch



OJ don't taste the same w/out Peyote in it
Shorty sippin, limits 15 but we doin 40 whippin
I got ya bitch off the txt drops, one bar
Smokin Backwoods til we coughin up tar
Wake at the crack of dawn wondering what's up
Til I blackout at the brunch slumpin off rum punch
Cups so purple that I can't describe em
Got the shawty Bodey w/ me & we sippin Aunt Jemima
Holdin blunts like they drown me w/ me power
Leanin harder than a bike parked by an Italian Tower
I'm just lookin for some brain... Sigmund Freud
White tee & 2 Chainz but i don't fuck w/ Tity Boi
Askin what the mouth do like gimme verbal
Only like me while she smokin green & sippin purple
Packin mils at the pad w/ thrills
She ain't comin up for air like she had the gills
Flag in my pocket aint no hand rag
Glazed over, my eyes lower than my pants sag
We share bongs & make beats so the snare strong
Ain't from my Neighborhood but we noddin off to their songs
Fresh w/ the mic like I'm payin the bills
Only time I come generic is when I'm savin on pills
Asked for a date & I'm like hol up, bitch what
Fuckin loner, all I do is roll blunts & sip mud

Nice mumble rap lyrics you worthless halfwitted troglodyte cretin.

Word these bars are so 10x better

Quote:

---

I keep to myself and have a beard
so people think that I'm weird

I'm a loner
I'm a stoner
but I will take your bitch and just bone her

"Trump is great, man he's so legit"
No he's a boastful twit

---

Ima take a page out of your book next time homie

@Lenox HMU for the collab young blood

Uppin over all this homo shit in here

This is why I have to become Open Mic mod but the mods think I'm a troll.

So for stuff like this; I like internal rhymes a lot when I'm doing pieces outside of battles. And so I resonate with a lot of what you're doing. I also resonate with the challenge of bringing meaning to a verse where you're trying to show off your skills.

You obviously have a command on the craft. But I'd like to see more, from this.

I get the vibe. I get the energy. But I don't feel like it goes anywhere. I don't feel like it says anything. I think it's clever and it's good and that's cool; but you don't take the extra time to really say something about something.

I'd love to see what you would do if you took this ability you have to narrate and at the same time make punches and applied it to something that meant a lot to you. Like focus it in time - - pick a moment or a series of moments and describe it.

This + constraints could be really nice.

That's my feedback.

Uppin

OM HOF material in my humble opinion

HoF? Not quite, but it was a good brag piece with some nice compound, internals and punclines. The Loki line made me chuckle; definitely a stand out metaphor. I liked the switch up in style and flow throughout the piece. it showed real flexibility. Nothing original topic wise but what you did you did well. Up the vocab a little and maybe try a fresher topic. I like to see how creative writers can get and this is the place to do it.

Keep on posting. God knows the forum needs it if you're uppin something from 18 months ago. I'll keep replying.

Rtf please.

-6

Nominating this for OM HOF

Once again nominating this work of art for OM HoF