Thirty lines max.
Due in 48 hours.
You pick the topic.
@late bloomer since you're a lazy, blind cunt.
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Thirty lines max.
Due in 48 hours.
You pick the topic.
@late bloomer since you're a lazy, blind cunt.
right no checkins or nothing?? and the battle closes 48 hours right i want you to allow until thusrday or friday for peeps to vote and the winner will be decided either when the votes end therefore the battle can be closed properly....... so again no checkins and blind drops or how you want to play it... i think house rules would be 3 votes - 0 viotes = Kncockout victory.... and first to 5 votes if three votes is not determined by way of knockout......in other words first to five is TKO or technical knockout.. okay cool.. anyways will have battle for wednesday night if i understand you correctly...
hmmm topic.... ill give you three and just let mek now which one you decide to use when you post your verse..... and up to 30 lines yeah sounds good to me.....
ideas/topics:
1. I think its important to get things done as quickly as possibe... please try to write a verse of some quality.. instead of just doing shit for the heck of it....
2, A gram of coke costs 80 dollars but what if the price went up/down what.. would happen?
3. If jordan left the bulls would everyone still remeber who jordan was that supported the bulls? what would happen if jordan was int he league? and now while he isnt apart of the league...
I'll do Topic one, can't relate to the other two.
okay i think ill go with number one if thats okay....... sit jordan on the sidelines...... yeah number one for me.......
Ohh whoops u went with the first one... i'll do the second one instead... my fault...
You can use the same topic, it's up to you. I don't care like most people as long as we both show up and kill it.
Yeah ill be there,... 30 lines yeah also two link rule please... let keep rb alive..
This is due by midnight tonight so make sure to show, i'll write soon.
okay i seen this sorry i was sleeping on the boards before...... ill start writing now if thats okay with you..... 30 lines yeah??
right no checkins or nothing??
like some poker players yall stay bluffing
so if it aint broken no reason to get it fixed
you wonder why they cant read text letter is print
and the battle closes in 48 hours?? right
but im giving you some wings you still aint fly
and you already talking shit before the fight
you think you ill and you know your archives
had to smoke you but i aint playing no pipes
i want you to allow until thusrday or friday
keep it real quiet like this was a library
for peeps to vote and the winner
somehow the meaning i had trouble trying to picture
decided to float a boat down the river
but you already forgot about all the scriptures
i aint know when to stop im like a good friend
will be decided either when the votes end
but i aint think you can contain the depth
its like someone heard from someone else
get it its all about money for the family
therefore the battle can be closed properly.......
im like a lease except it aint the statue of liberty
so again no checkins and blind drops
please keep the forum real watch for cliffs and shit like a lighthouse
or how you want to play it...
in other words
like the holy grail yo i gotta a forum to search
if you get it but like a god im spitting at this church
you aint ill but you forgot how to connect with a verse
or technical knockout..
because ya so whack if you had a ball it wouldnt bounce
gimme two seconds mod delete this im going to edit it a bit more if thats cool.... i can make this better... please delete it mods and i will edit due tomorrow yeah.... so some time tonight.....
No. I'm about halfway done. You've had 48 hours. You have until I drop my piece to edit yours but I'm not giving an extension. Sorry bud.
Topic Number 3: If Jordan left the bulls what would happen?
"right so no checkins or nothing??
i mean this the kid right this the we using....
see i know this kid who was constantly losing
but like some deep shit yo this kid wasnt bluffing
cause he was living off a credit that was still fixed
its why i cant produce the picture im trying to print
and now theres only 48 hours left?? right
before this kid got picked up for some college that was nice
but he was still only nineteen
and awaiting his entrance into he league
one drop and he was off on a flight
and already signed and in the championship fight
you think you ill and you know your archives
i mean you got start smoking before you can hit some pipes
all of this happening overnight
he was fresh for the picking like something ripe
and then got drafted for the bulls on thusrday or friday
before he joined the team and silenced the competition quitely
and its hard to keep it real when your fighting ya friends for popularity
the outcome depends on him spending his loot for the work he put into society
anyways he won the game and then was crowned the champ
he then entered the nba and started to pay off all his grants
somehow the meaning i had trouble trying to picture
all of a sudden i had tons of money like a boat floating down a river
but his name had already started to spread throughout all the leagues scriptures
so after years of playing in college with no checks
i finally had some loose ends and a family to protect
but i aint think you can contain the depth
to anybody else i mean this guy was all by himself
for years trying to make money for his family
therefore the way he had to handle himself properly.......
by turning 22 or whatever and now having control of all his liberties
...
- - - Updated - - -
nah no ext. i just wanted to edit i pushed yes too fast..... look im still putting it up before you thats the rules edit til your other dude drops so get it in tonight please...
She collected seashells by the seashore, wishing each was a dream orb,
post apocalyptic means more when you're the last of a species courtesy of war.
Burying your family leaves a calamity deep inside the motion of your core,
and so she escapes through the embrace of polluted oceans and storms.
She hasn't seen the sun in over a decade and the stars died this past Winter,
she shivers alone at night and quivers when she cries 'cus she can't remember.
Was it November or December? When was her birthday? The date's just a blur,
trying to piece together the face of her mother... but the rain floods the dirt.
She used to speak German, but struggles grow worse as her words are hollow,
the roaches hiss her surmans, sitting in church without a verse to borrow.
She lives on radiated vegetables and animals filled with decay,
that's what remains -- death and pain -- fields distilled by dismay.
It's strange, through all the change, she's never once been afraid,
never felt strain... never felt like any chains held her in place.
Until one day, she gazed into the sky and was overwhelmed with surprise,
at first, there was a light followed by the embodiment of life.
Ships, the size of cities tearing through the black clouds,
she can't help but lash out, throwing rocks and glass now.
All this time, she's been alone, it's been hardening her soul,
now she has to share her burden with an army of unknowns.
Suddenly, a miracle appears and with two words, she speaks,
"FUCK YOU!!!" at the top of her lungs, she continues to scream.
Quote:
Originally Posted by late bloomer
VOTE – BehemothQuote:
Originally Posted by Behemoth
He told a story that has a beginning, middle and end, albeit an awful one that has plot flaws. Late bloomer just ranted on and on and on with like five made up facts about Michael Jordan that a simple Google search would have yielded the correct answers and dates.
Behemoth... you got to strip down the bullshit from your verses and just write forward.
Late.. I really was not a fan of how you started this piece. It didn't capture the reader it felt very very bland. I thought the topic could have been interesting but I gotta be honest I just was not feeling this at all.
Behemoth.. lol using a legendary tongue twister in your opening line. You had real nice technical/complex lines however the wording you used was very descriptive. Nice job there as it added to your verse. Story progressed nicely but I did have a feeling of wanting more at the end.
Vote-Behemoth
2-0
Late Bloomer - Terrible approach on the concept. Wording was all over the place and that did not make for a smooth read at all. There were several times your story progressed way too fast as well. One line he's in college and the next he's in the league championship. Way too many questions there. No emotion about how he got there, no imagery of it. Really you butchered Jordans story and failed to even write towards any relevancy about the topic of what would have happen if Jordan left the bulls. The word usage was horrendous. One example is referring to a basketball championship as a championship fight. All in all, I can't stress how much you need to take a break from battling and work on pretty much everything. Your craft, Your voting, Your attitude.
Behemoth - The opening of this drew me into the story. You had great descriptive detail and imagery throughout your piece (Seashells compared to dream orbs, roaches hiss, ships the size of cities). The whole verse was filled with great word usage and imagery and can go on and on writing them. As for the flow and readability it was a bit wordy in the first have and sometimes it through the rhythm off, but it got smoother in the second half of the verse. SUDDENLY.. All of a SUDDEN, I hate those transitions. On to the story, it progressed well and was pretty interesting. Feeling the characters emotions and being able to paint the picture of her misery throughout the story was the best part for me. Because of the length of the verse, I felt there was some depth to it missing but overall this was an enjoyable read.
MVGT: Behemoth - Better all around verse.
3-0
Behemoth wins.