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Dead Language
“I respect your identity”
isn’t romantic
it isn’t dramatic, or inspiring
“I love you”
is beyond a cliché
but I mean them when I say them
I mean well
the things that words are not
can be powerful
and words themselves
are not complete without absence
or ubiquitous in scope
I wouldn’t ask them to be
and if I could talk to words
with words
I’d truly be onto something
now figure that one
tell me something new
while you affirm
everything
I already know
every stray thought
and every muzzled rabid thought
unleashed
everything unsaid
the syllabic crescendo
that punctuates the gap between
each spoken utterance
the silence in the decibels
deafening and terrible
“Am I over-analyzing?”
isn’t a closed question
or intended as one
articulate your musings
or execute your muse
a pragmatist to the end
and not every ending
achieves understanding
if I could translate
my body language
it would be pig latin
smeared in mud and shit
sacred to a few
bacon to some
and wild to others
some say my words might fly
“I respect your will”
“I love your willingness”
exercise caution
when spreading your wings
or otherwise
your gentle legs
this isn’t nihilism, but
these thoughts I think
have the overbearing relevance
of a dead language
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Re: Dead Language
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Re: Dead Language
LOL this was pretty nice man i enjoyed this, definately an original concept for me man when reading this, i loved the little hidden metaphors in this, like this one
some say my words might fly
“I respect your will”
“I love your willingness”
i mean the fly ads in cool metaphor and then decribing the 2 different pronounciations were dope to me man, blah if im not mak9ng sense right now lol 3am and im sleepy but word. this had some really cool imagery and the pig latin line was dope with the ones followed. i like the idea also of '' if i could talk to word's, using words i would'' tyype shit awesome man. props NOM'D
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Re: Dead Language
hmmm..
different take, and a different style than i'm used to seeing. i liked it, yet i think the lines broke a little too soon to entirely finish the thought. you started a new thought as soon as i thought you were finishing the one previous to it. not a long piece, but i think towards the end i could somewhat understand what you were meaning by dead language. you mentioned pig latin which i though was pretty cool. i like to see some familiar ideas to spice up the piece and speed my reading. not the best i've read lately but definitely cool, decent shit - keep it up.
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Re: Dead Language
Uhhh... this is my first take on interpreting this. the worst thing about feedback is this - I read a poem, a GOOD poem, one that activates my emotions and mind - and I understand the concept, but when I try to articulate what the concept is, the perfect words elude me, which I guess is why the concept requires a poem to be brought to the surface and shared in the first place. i dont really write like that, but you did here. Anyways, i wouldn't waste my time blabbing on about that unless it had a point, and I think that my explanation is a good segue into the actual concept of the poem - that some words cant be said with words, some things you just feel, like "I love you" - such a term is thrown around and has somewhat lost its meaning, or at elast the amount of meaning your trying to convey when you say it.
and words themselves
are not complete without absence
or ubiquitous in scope
Here, i think your saying that the innate flaw in simple words and language is that they do not cover every aspect of expression
I wouldn’t ask them to be
and if I could talk to words
with words
I’d truly be onto something
Here my explaining gets a little fuzzy - sort of like the concept of ... how can I put this, expressing yourself to a fellow human via humanity. the double meaning here is something too.. if you could talk with words and sort out any lost in translation ussues, or talking to them with them, relates to the aforementioned concept or something else that I can't put my damn finger on. Enough dwelling on it though.
the silence in the decibels
deafening and terrible
I don't want to quote everything but this part and the bits before accentuates the concept brewing in my head.
articulate your musings
or execute your muse
a pragmatist to the end
and not every ending
achieves understanding
Not everything you say can ultimately bring the listener to the point you want to bring them to. I love the use of pragmatist, and nihilism in there, because they put so much more focus on the piece, not because theyre poetic words or anything, they just helped explain to the reader excellently. the ultimatum at the beginning is nice - speak and explain thoroughly, or your inspiration to speak is nothing at all; dead; because the idea was not portrayed effeciently.
this isn’t nihilism, but
these thoughts I think
have the overbearing relevance
of a dead language
and bang- the belief in nothing; that nothing can be communicated. Not precisely your feelings on this subject, but there exists a subtle parallel because you felt the need to put it in there to differentiate your ideology from nihilism.
interesting. dead language seems to represent body language, maybe some sexual overtones in there (otherwise your gentle legs, some other love arcs) - communication with emotion, facial and body keys, and inferred concepts beause of chared experience, ecetera. kinda funny i struggle explaining the concept of the poem because of the concept of the poem. One last thing though - ultimately, explaining an abstract concept is deemed a dead language. What better tool to explain such a slippery topic than poetry? That was my final eureka moment; all those concepts spliced with "poetry is dead".
mechanics wise: cool double-takes here and there, not TONS of actual devices, though, I'm a whore for wordplay and imagery myself, and I think line breaks shouldve been used more judiciously.
there also seemed to be some decent love/girflfriend arcs that i won't get into, but I felt em a bit, not nearly as much as the encompassing concept though.
of course, I could be entirely wrong. pzlata
do a solid and hit my piece up
