LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - Ryno Wins
verses due: Thursday 11:59PST
Minimum Lines = 12 Lines
Maximum Lines = 20 Lines
Extension: Up to opponent IF verse completed & posted/sent. Otherwise at the Moderators discretion.
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Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)
Rynos verse
Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
Quote:
Blast so bright, homie the gun college prep
Cuz when I cap, it takes off your noggin next.
Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
- - - Updated - - -
JEMs verse
Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared
She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
…You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES
Accomp list is a lil forced but worded well
Pump fakes skr8
Passive niiiiiice
Rec hoops skr8 good wording
Not feeling Stafford
Good closer
Vs
He had the one biting accusation but the punch is skr8
Not really feeling the Reef ref
Rnc is a no go my friend
More of a swag bar and worded right coulda been cool. As is its aite tho.
Swingers club skr8
Laser tag was nice
Ryno had the better writing imo. JEM had some good shit tho
V. Ryno
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES
Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
decent
Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
I think I see what you were going for here.. but it should have been done as, when JEM grabs the pump, he's taking his heels off to run
Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
nice
2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
I feel like this isn't a fully developed/executed concept..
I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
I don't think that wp worked right.. nope
Blast so bright, homie the gun college prep
Cuz when I cap, it takes off your noggin next.
again, not developed fully/executed correctly. concept was there but wasn't done right
Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
nah.. these wp's just aren't being done correctly
vs
Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
ok
Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
not as effective, should have moved on rather than stick to the same angle if you aren't going to come hard on the repeat topic
Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared
She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
OK but not hard hitting, more just comedy
…You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
execution was too lighthearted.. but ok concept
Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
nah
This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
ok but not great
Both were lacking in execution.. Ryno had better concepts but trouble carrying them out correctly.. because both failed to execute I have to vote based on concepts so
v/ Ryno
I'd really like to see you both spend some time working w/ a mentor.. you both have potential
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES
Ryno:
Opener- ok. Not a fan of how this played out
Pump fake- nice. Tie ins worked for me. And i like how u executed the pump fake angle. Slightly wordy tho
Passive- the wp itself is forced. But the overall bar hit. Good personal angle
Stafford-i liked the concept. Didn't like the Stafford play tho
Vs
Jem:
Opener- heat. I fk w this
Reef/fishing- meh, this was only decent. The end rhymes were off. Its not really redundant, but it feels so, because this one was weaker than the opener.
Rearnaked choke- decent. Comes off as a filler bar tho tbh.
Nancy Kerrigan- decent again. Setup well, but the Kerrigan play couldve been a lil harsher
Swingers club- i fk w the let a cpl bang play. This had sooo much potential imo. Hated ur setup here tho
Vote ryno. Better overall read.
Ryno- u kno wat it is.
Jem- def getting better. Opener was nice, plus u had a few nice concepts
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)
Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
At first I thought forced but said aloud the t isn't too hard so it can work, pretty good - like the flip
Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
Cool concept, I found it a little tricky to catch at first
Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
Heh, good.
2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
Wp's pretty good here. The single syllable rhyme took a lot of impact from this though tbh. 'drive off' and 'wrong call' are both fragments where I'd put the emphasis on the first word, which makes it seem like it doesn't rhyme
I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
Staff forward? I'm not catching it. I like how you worded the end of the line
Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
Ehhh nah I don't really like wp that needs a full stop or comma in the middle
Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
OK, straightforward personal
Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
This is cool bc it was Reef who was accusing him
Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared
She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
Almost but nah. Needed more of a set up for choke hold
…You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
The wp concept is OK but I hate how this is delivered. It's got me thinking about that meme where the Husky dog sets up a pun and then delivers the punchline with that face lmao.
Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
dece
This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
That's kinda cool
Ryno got it with a more polished/swaggy/aggressive delivery
V/ Ryno
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)
Rynos verse
Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
Super hot fire
Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
Lite
Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
Fire
2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
Rhyme was shit but the punch was dope that’s my shit
I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
Fire
Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
I like the reference but the flip don’t work for me cause Jemele hill is a chick, both sides of the flip don’t work
- - - Updated - - -
JEMs verse
Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
Kinda like ex line about dirty handles but didn’t hit as hard as that bar
Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
Super hot fire no bias at all
Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared
She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
Funny
…You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
Lite
Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
Good 1
This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
Lite
Over all; nice battle for both. Wasn’t liking either closer but the majority of both verses was on point. Ryno had more
Impact because I get all his references shit is to my liking. Jen had that reef line which I personally loved. Close battle but I don’t think its close enough to need a tie.
Vote / Ryno
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES
Accomp list was cool
Pump fakes was meh
Passive was dope
Stanford was dope..
Vs
Opener- I did something like this. Yours was light
Reef was cool could have flipped it with more wit
Rear naked was ok
Couple bang was dope
This is closer than I thought tbh.. I think I get ryno with better quotes and better misses... let me come back in a few minutes
Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES