Liars Are Honest Too

Liars Are Honest Too

If ever it were a favor to deceive you,
I’d call myself the nicest man on
Earth and tattoo it to my heart,
Then leave my scent to linger upon
Your neck and the entire world
To torture your feelings dry;
So that when the drought came,
It’d be my basin of deceit playing
The lead role of the gentleman.

I’d open entrances for you that
Led to places you never wanted to go,
Watching as you stumble between
The corridors of where you
Thought you were and the hell
That you’ve always actually been in.
By then you couldn’t stand to
Let go of my all too familiar hand,
The kindest escort to our Eden.

I’d pull-up chairs for you that
Resembled thrones to your liking,
Wired with an option to eject
Tied to my kind wrist that
Out of courtesy I could never
Allow your eyes to notice.
You’d sit down aiming to please,
Unaware that it would be my arrow
To miss the apple on your head.

By the time our date were over,
I would manage to have convinced
Your father for his blessings and
What’s left of your heart as
The topping for our wedding cake.
Believe me, I’d lick my lips
At the thought, but in efforts
To become the kindest of them all,
With my back turned...
I'd cough the ashes of you.

Links:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-350470.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-350752.html

first off, i want to say im not that poetically inclined...therefor, ill try my best to critique this piece, and give it the props it deserves. ok

Quote:

---

If ever it were a favor to deceive you,
I’d call myself the nicest man on
Earth and tattoo it to my heart,
Then leave my scent to linger upon
Your neck and the entire world
To torture your feelings dry;
So that when the drought came,
It’d be my basin of deceit playing
The lead role of the gentleman.

---

despite my experience in the poetic game, i can tell you one thing, this shit was fire. its actually really complex, but i get the jist of the stanza. good shit.

Quote:

---

I’d open entrances for you that
Led to places you never wanted to go,
Watching as you stumble between
The corridors of where you
Thought you were and the hell
That you’ve always actually been in.

---

that part has alot of meaning, i like corridors as the word of choice in that line...

overall, i think it was real good. the flow was constant, i know you didnt rhyme but still, its poetry, do what ever the fuck floats your boat. also good concept on this topic... lookin' forward to a good SS season witchu'. Pz

thanks i appreciate it. drop links.

Wow. This was definitely the best piece I've read since I've been to this site. Which isn't very long but still...this was hot. Very metaphorical which is a type of writing that I love. This was just a well put together piece. Flow was pretty good and I even felt the sort of sneaky feeling of it due to the awesome wording. Honestly, I tip my hat to you... great piece... Nomy

This was a pretty dope write man. I have to admit that. The metaphorical language you used portrayed great vivid imagery that spawned very emotional stanzas. I always enjoy reading your poetry/ Open mics etc.

This was Nice!. I loved the concept, very original and metaphorically. Like Obie Twice said, you did create a vivid imagery in your words along with emotions. The thing that really impressed me in your verse was the Wording you've done, it was excellent. After every line I wanted to read more and more. The ending was brilliant, you left a mark that had me thinking. I love the topic and the concept. Thanks for the read, I enjoyed it. 1luv.

thanks homie. drop links.

vivid imagery here which made it enjoying to me atleast,the flow of the entire piece also was well put together I,everything seemed to flow and not be forced, also I loved the originality and metaphorically appoarch.......It made things seem more creative, This was like any of your other pieces good job here Ace my man some feed on my of my pieces would be nice I will link you in a min.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...as-349920.html

Sick. Oh man, I loved the ending lines! Such ease in your words. This felt really natural to me, as if you didn't force any emotion or had to fake anything. It all seemed genuine and I bet if I knew you, this poem wouldn't surprise me in the least bit. The tone was impressive, you managed to keep your own distinct voice and yet keep the mood at the point where we knew how to feel when reading your words. I love the emotion! It resembles the emotion in a lot of my poetry actually, which is strange for me since I rarely see anyone write like I do. It's dope though, really interesting poem with enough depth to stimulate one's thoughts and accessible enough to let one into your realm. I think it's a really good piece but I believe with a bit of revision it could be exponentially greater. Hope to see more from you in the (near)future. Bless.

thanks my friend I"m actually in the process of editing and getting an improved version because its being considered for publishing. i'm pretty excited about that. thanks again man.

peACe

Just make sure its not that poetry.com scam!

I fell in Love with this! I loved it like i have no words it was so good.

By the time our date were over,
I would manage to have convinced
Your father for his blessings and
What’s left of your heart as
The topping for our wedding cake.
Believe me, I’d lick my lips
At the thought, but in efforts
To become the kindest of them all,
With my back turned...
I'd cough the ashes of you.

i really loved how it ended...good work my dude

lol yea its not poetry.com