A Brand New Year.?

They like to call it a resolution. Like losing weight
by eating low-fat cupcakes or trying not to masturbate
Why not call for less hate, allow freedom of speech to demonstrate
that our police officers do NOT racially discriminate?
We're uneducated in the social aspects of our lives
but send mass texts trying to get laid to everyone but our wives
Fun is a past tense we hope survives while we sustain
by self gain. Spread love? How? I DO NOT COMPLY!
"How does one attain freedom?" People like to ask
whilst appointing false prophets to lead them
and yeah it was kind of funny at the prelim.
But now the majority says we need him?
These thoughts are not our own we're not inside our own dome
each generation is a commercially built clone
Think for yourself not for another
You are you not just another "brother"

- - - Updated - - -

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...-U-S-elections
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...ca-Great-Again

They like to call it a resolution. Like losing weight
by eating low-fat cupcakes or trying not to masturbate
What a couple of top lines, especially that second one. Really good.
Why not call for less hate, allow freedom of speech to demonstrate
that our police officers do NOT racially discriminate?
and again here. great bar. Really good flow. Great msg.
We're uneducated in the social aspects of our lives
but send mass texts trying to get laid to everyone but our wives
lol. I like it. The flow is still oozing grace and your words are witty
but cut to the chase. No mucking around.
Fun is a past tense we hope survives while we sustain
by self gain. Spread love? How? I DO NOT COMPLY!
"How does one attain freedom?" People like to ask
whilst appointing false prophets to lead them
Ok, but I lost the strong rhyme flow in these four lines
in the middle of the piece - I found it a shame because you were
on a roll and then it sort of dissipated where the melody was concerned.
Don't get me wrong, I 'heard' the rhymes, they just weren't as strong as before.
Probably because they've been shuffled around and the direction changed. Not a
bad thing imo, just, it wasn't as strong as before.
and yeah it was kind of funny at the prelim.
But now the majority says we need him?
These thoughts are not our own we're not inside our own dome
each generation is a commercially built clone Nice. I like the stripping of the
generational gap.
Think for yourself not for another
You are you not just another "brother"
Great outro Metrics.


Metrics, you've got the gift of the gab it seems. You know what you want to say and you say it well.
You've got that flow happening, the rhymes, not overloaded but present and obvious.
And a msg that's loud and clear. I like your style.
Great writing Metrics.
Keep bringing it.

Cool read.
Thank you.

I thought tle message in dis was prestige and thought provoking.
Writing wise I wasn't too impressed, not surprised tho being that ur one of the worse battles
In recent memory.
Let's get to the stuff I liked. Ur wording was pretty good , word choices were questionable and awkward at times
I loved ur closer. That's tle only thing I really loved about dis piece. Decent read thanks for ur time

They like to call it a resolution. Like losing weight
by eating low-fat cupcakes or trying not to masturbate
^^I really think you got down how to "open" for a piece, and the creativity definitely shows.
what I like about it, and I would agree, is that it reflects what satisfies the norm for modern "resolutions", as they say.
what I feel you could work on is the syllable count and mixing in some internals.
not everyone writes something big to demonstrate all skills at once,
so making something short like this to work on one particular aspect can work for you,
but I just get the impression that you didn't mean for this to be a piece to show one aspect of the art, as it comes across to me.
Why not call for less hate, allow freedom of speech to demonstrate
that our police officers do NOT racially discriminate?
^^^^you set the bar a little low in my opinion in how you followed your opener, and personally I disagree with police and discrimination as there is evidence of it and saying it's non-existent doesn't make it disappear.
We're uneducated in the social aspects of our lives
but send mass texts trying to get laid to everyone but our wives
^^good message, typical conscious stuff though. also the second line could've been a tighter fit.
Fun is a past tense we hope survives while we sustain
by self gain. Spread love? How? I DO NOT COMPLY!
^^what flow you had going was lost here, it seems quite forced and ending in 'caps' really gives that impression you're trying too much here and not letting things happen organically.
"How does one attain freedom?" People like to ask
whilst appointing false prophets to lead them
and yeah it was kind of funny at the prelim.
^^first line had nothing to rhyme with, I would suggest working on structure first and foremost and abiding what you set for yourself. "prelim" was different, try throwing in more words that add color but of course not just because they have color but to paint a picture so to speak.
But now the majority says we need him?
These thoughts are not our own we're not inside our own dome
each generation is a commercially built clone
Think for yourself not for another
You are you not just another "brother"
this ended really quick and seemed like you were fading out. you had a stronger start than your finish. also try not to repeat things you've been told because you can be just as much a clone repeating the same conscious shit you've heard if it's not uniquely your own.

I feel you really have the ability to tap into more of your own creativity if you don't get in your own way by trying to force something. I feel you started strong because you felt the love for the artform while you were writing. I literally think that if the entire piece was like the first two lines you opened with, you would have delivered something with substance. Let things happen organically. Really think about what sounds "dope" to you, personally. I know that you have potential to be something. My advice would be to not get so hung up on trying to make one particular piece any longer than you can hold the dopeness so to speak. Keep writing, I look forward to seeing what you bring next.