LLL Week 5: Sinning (0-3) vs. Hello There (1-3) - OPEN FOR VOTES

verses due: Thursday 11:59PST
Minimum Lines = 12 Lines
Maximum Lines = 20 Lines



Extension: Up to opponent IF verse completed & posted/sent. Otherwise at the Moderators discretion.

VOTING CLOSES SUNDAY NIGHT/MONDAY MORNING
BATTLES SET SHORTLY AFTER!


2 No-Shows = Season Ban

NO BITING OR RECYCLING!!!!
Biting results in a SEASON BAN
Recycle Once = DQ
RECYCLE TWICE = BANNED FOR SEASON

Edits:
First Person can't edit after second person posts their verse
Second person can't edit after first vote


CHECKS,VERSES VOTES ONLY IN BATTLE THREADS!!!!!

Check! Good luck!

I have sonnet onyx, I'm a rapper with correspondence
When do I even have to write a diss? If I hear 'Hello' from this ugly bitch - I'm not responding...
You're a coward death! I'm a demon that'll devour plagues
With this wack rapper, this is my 'first W' like replacing A in the Alphabet...
I have burn quotes; my style is so complex; you can't discern notes
Learn oaths, you may be cute..but I'm using the white fur in your avatar as my fur coat...
I sever scenes, I have the sharp sword made of Byzantine
When you try to throw a bar, you'll 'mystic'..when I is something you'll never be...
This pekingese is barking up the wrong tree; I'm a sistine king
I'm a mystic king..you have such a 'nervous tic' I thought you were a bitch with fleas...
I'm a rain kitten, I hit the ball out the court like badminton
I have dope sptting, and I'll 'send your soul to hell' with flame writtens...

12 bars...

First bar -- Dis Own Son, till guy's ruled an orphan..
And this quick key buries Sin like high school abortions..
When's this scum been liked? When's this bum been nice?
Your next bar'll be trash, like everything that you Dumb Pen right..
It's all dead space with this head case. Pass me a hot tea..
And I'll come back when this Pro's Actually bodied..
When I cross swords? Knock hinges off doors; struggle..
Dunno whether your bars seppuku or a crossword puzzle..
Every word that's made to your mouth is depraved and uncouth..
You say "Non Cents" like Barc getting paid in the south..
That's an eye rhyme, faggots. I rhyme magic..
While Sinning could benefit from "I rhyme" classes..




.. Only had half an hour folks. Hope you enjoy!

I have sonnet onyx, I'm a rapper with correspondence
When do I even have to write a diss? If I hear 'Hello' from this ugly bitch - I'm not responding...

vs

First bar -- Dis Own Son, till guy's ruled an orphan..
And this quick key buries Sin like high school abortions..

was very generous with quoting each bar, hello there had less horrific misses so he gets the dub

v/ hello there

I have sonnet onyx, I'm a rapper with correspondence
When do I even have to write a diss? If I hear 'Hello' from this ugly bitch - I'm not responding...
Why would you care if he’s an ugly bitch that said hello to you or not? I think this would have been more impactful and an actual bar if you would have tied in his girl and made her the ugly bitch… not feeling.

You're a coward death! I'm a demon that'll devour plagues
With this wack rapper, this is my 'first W' like replacing A in the Alphabet...
No.

I have burn quotes; my style is so complex; you can't discern notes
Learn oaths, you may be cute..but I'm using the white fur in your avatar as my fur coat...
No… and I hate the repeat words in a line and avatar bars.

I sever scenes, I have the sharp sword made of Byzantine
When you try to throw a bar, you'll 'mystic'..when I is something you'll never be...
First off, I do not like this concept… But (and I did not google this but I am pretty sure) for this to make ANY sense… it would be the sword made IN Byzantine… Byzantine is not raw material… Again I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure.

This pekingese is barking up the wrong tree; I'm a sistine king
I'm a mystic king..you have such a 'nervous tic' I thought you were a bitch with fleas...
You just said mystic… tic/fleas… Dude, this is incredibly used… the execution was poor… and honestly
And I mean this with no disrespect… You have to get your concepts in order… I get your angles, and
What you’re trying to do but I can’t even TRULY feel them (even if I hate the concepts as whole)
Because they are just incorrect… Sistine KING? Like you’re the king of a chapel? This is just historically
incorrect.

I'm a rain kitten, I hit the ball out the court like badminton
I have dope sptting, and I'll 'send your soul to hell' with flame writtens...
I mean, this was okay I guess?


First bar -- Dis Own Son, till guy's ruled an orphan..
And this quick key buries Sin like high school abortions..
Not bad.

When's this scum been liked? When's this bum been nice?
Your next bar'll be trash, like everything that you Dumb Pen right..
Eh, I see the concept.. and what you wanted to do here but VERY loose.

It's all dead space with this head case. Pass me a hot tea..
And I'll come back when this Pro's Actually bodied..
lol… Might be slightly played… but not bad.

When I cross swords? Knock hinges off doors; struggle..
Dunno whether your bars seppuku or a crossword puzzle..
Not bad, not bad.

Every word that's made to your mouth is depraved and uncouth..
You say "Non Cents" like Barc getting paid in the south..
Eh.

That's an eye rhyme, faggots. I rhyme magic..
While Sinning could benefit from "I rhyme" classes..
Not bad.

I really think Sinnin has holes in his writing coupled with me truly not liking the historical/almost mythical/magic angles he takes… unless its spotless it’s going to be a tough read for me and this was not spotless. You had holes in your historical tie-ins, redundant words within the same line and or in bars… Hello - this was clearly rushed but I felt your bars had more impact.

v/Hello there.

I have sonnet onyx, I'm a rapper with correspondence
When do I even have to write a diss? If I hear 'Hello' from this ugly bitch - I'm not responding...
lmao I always look forward to what kind of crazy shit is gonna come out of your multis. "I have sonnet onyx" was a strong play right off the bat here. This isn't really a wordplay at all, you're just using his name in a pretty light punch that isn't helped by the wording
You're a coward death! I'm a demon that'll devour plagues
With this wack rapper, this is my 'first W' like replacing A in the Alphabet...
One of these days you'll get that first W. This concept wasn't good though. And devour plagues and alphabet don't rhyme
I have burn quotes; my style is so complex; you can't discern notes
Learn oaths, you may be cute..but I'm using the white fur in your avatar as my fur coat...
allllmost OK conceptually. Just do away with the multis that are irrelevant - 'i have burn quotes', 'learn oaths' - they don't mean anything in this bar
I sever scenes, I have the sharp sword made of Byzantine
When you try to throw a bar, you'll 'mystic'..when I is something you'll never be...
miss tick? miss stick?
This pekingese is barking up the wrong tree; I'm a sistine king
I'm a mystic king..you have such a 'nervous tic' I thought you were a bitch with fleas...
tick wp OK, wording isn't good
I'm a rain kitten, I hit the ball out the court like badminton
I have dope sptting, and I'll 'send your soul to hell' with flame writtens...
very old and simple concept. Wtf is a rain kitten.

I will say I'm seeing a slight improvement - some basic concepts are there, just ruined with wording that's too concerned with irrelevant multis, as always


First bar -- Dis Own Son, till guy's ruled an orphan..
And this quick key buries Sin like high school abortions..
Not bad. There's a 'throw the baby in the dumpster'/high school abortion thing that goes around in pop culture.. haven't seen a 'bury the baby' one but not sure if you meant this to be literally burying anyway. Disown son was a cool tie in
When's this scum been liked? When's this bum been nice?
Your next bar'll be trash, like everything that you Dumb Pen right..
dumb pen/dumpin was a cool concept. "everything that you dumb pen right" is an awkward phrase though. Maybe "get that dumb pen right"?
It's all dead space with this head case. Pass me a hot tea..
And I'll come back when this Pro's Actually bodied..
Prozac? but you gotta do something with the "-tually"... and avoid calling him/(her?) a pro. Prose/writing maybe?
When I cross swords? Knock hinges off doors; struggle..
Dunno whether your bars seppuku or a crossword puzzle..
lol kinda funny
Every word that's made to your mouth is depraved and uncouth..
You say "Non Cents" like Barc getting paid in the south..
I think uncouth is 'un-cooth' not 'un-cowth'... or else I've been saying it wrong lmao... non cents is an old wp... there was even a guy that called himself that I think
That's an eye rhyme, faggots. I rhyme magic..
While Sinning could benefit from "I rhyme" classes..
I think you're mocking his style here and that's kinda funny


V/ HT

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sinning

I have sonnet onyx, I'm a rapper with correspondence
When do I even have to write a diss? If I hear 'Hello' from this ugly bitch - I'm not responding...
nice wording, rhymes in the set up were cool. punch is not the freshest concept but executed well
You're a coward death! I'm a demon that'll devour plagues
With this wack rapper, this is my 'first W' like replacing A in the Alphabet...
not sure if u meant to rhyme the way u did and the concept is creative but it's also a bit abstract if u will.
I have burn quotes; my style is so complex; you can't discern notes
Learn oaths, you may be cute..but I'm using the white fur in your avatar as my fur coat...
ok bar actually. work on wording as to maybe not repeat the word "fur". calling him cute isn't the harshest way to go but imo still can be directed as a diss.
I sever scenes, I have the sharp sword made of Byzantine
When you try to throw a bar, you'll 'mystic'..when I is something you'll never be...
damn that opener was a tight line sin "byzantine is an empire if u meant to say made by the byzentines".. shit. the punch didn't make sense to me and i wouldn't mind if u explained it to me, but yes the set up was fire
This pekingese is barking up the wrong tree; I'm a sistine king
I'm a mystic king..you have such a 'nervous tic' I thought you were a bitch with fleas...
funny punch
I'm a rain kitten, I hit the ball out the court like badminton
I have dope sptting, and I'll 'send your soul to hell' with flame writtens...
i liked the wording of the punch, straight forward and basic but it sounds good out loud, the set up was odd, calling ur self a rain kitten isnt exactly hard core loool

12 bars...

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hello there

First bar -- Dis Own Son, till guy's ruled an orphan..
And this quick key buries Sin like high school abortions..
good punch
When's this scum been liked? When's this bum been nice?
Your next bar'll be trash, like everything that you Dumb Pen right..
punch wasn't hard hitting, rhymes were on point tho
It's all dead space with this head case. Pass me a hot tea..
And I'll come back when this Pro's Actually bodied..
cool concept here, wording was lacking
When I cross swords? Knock hinges off doors; struggle..
Dunno whether your bars seppuku or a crossword puzzle..
this is cool
Every word that's made to your mouth is depraved and uncouth..
You say "Non Cents" like Barc getting paid in the south..
i don't like this
That's an eye rhyme, faggots. I rhyme magic..
While Sinning could benefit from "I rhyme" classes..
boring






.. Only had half an hour folks. Hope you enjoy!

---

sinning; i like how u keep making progress. wording for the most part is good. the rhymes and set up are cool, just work on harder concepts and harder punchlines. even if coming with harsh material isnt your cup of tee, u can still muster better ideas, and i think ur gonna surprise people in later weeks if u stick with it. only a matter of time.

hello; i wasn't impressed with ur verse compared to past work. ik u said u only had 30 minutes but that's not an excuse to drop less than par again some 1 who took the time to craft his bars. u almost lost this actually based on how much i liked sinnings set ups.. i look forward to seeing what u got next week, ik u got a fire verse in u if u take the time

over all; close battle. and no theres no hate here. i just respect what sin was trying to do and even tho some of his bars were very lite, a couple of them were actually decent. hello, had some cool concepts but didnt execute them. probably this will be a win for hello but u gotta give me something to show u really earned the win here


v/ TIE

3-1-1 HT wins