Infekted Penz - Detox Unit (143, Trajik, YD, Emily, Enoch Light)

https://tse4.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.M...=0&w=282&h=177

DETOX UNIT


143

Supplying the fire, fortifying the hot box
Untying the wire, tired of life's frequent cock blocks
Bellowing from the gallows, I'm reaching from the bottom
Only then my finger's shadow shallow, reality's a problem
I can hear the sobs of a sister, she walks alone in this desert
The crescent moon of a deathwatch serves her husband a present
I'm shocked cause the world like sporting blindfolds and blind eyes
The time folds the right ties to reverse removal of bright skies
Being told to stay peaceful, don't joust with these jesters
But my festering soul armed with pain to settle interjection
Is it an infektion that change the paleness of their congestion
Coughing offerings nesting the pesters from being sequestered
I guess testing the texture will only ruffle the few left
Still letting a brewed death resonate, penetrate like lewd sex....

Now I'm restocking prudence, my life, re-cocking newness
Re-lock fluent ties to truth, re-spotted union in this detox unit


Trajik


ah so what, i need to grow up
twenty eight, plenty of waiting, the grown up still needs to show up
act so tough like i know stuff, but you know what? i'm simply so dumb
conniptions fitting as my restrictions 'cause anger makes bad decisions
listen, i envision myself on a mission and fixing my nutrition
with the energy of fission, i'm driven to glisten all the friction
i feel like the bucket of nails left out in the rain... rusty
try but i'm subject to fail - something needs to adjust me
finally i think i'm venison, game to attempt a bit of medicine
i don't want to stress again, on this same level of aggression
call myself a writer proudly, but my writing lately is lousy
can't write in silence when all my distractions think so loudly
thought i was smart, but why does my head seem so cloudy?
this rhyme scheme is a metaphor for my twenties
it started strong but became a mediocre ending
i want to rage against the machine and put my Reebok through it
feeling like bulls on parade, it's why i need the detox unit


YD


I'm sick of always feeling like a failure or second best,
I'm 2 seconds away from not catchin my breath
On the brink of death less than a step away
Been depressed for days but I'm obsessed with the daze
I keep pressin play to this music
To express the way I'm feelin before I lose it
I'm just an abscess stickin out in the crowd
I never expected the silence to get so fuckin loud
Just look at me now
Look at how I'm feelin with a perc in my mouth
Listen to the sound of me tryin to work it out
My mind be doing donuts while depression circles around.
I just be smiling like a clown without the fuckin circus in town.
So if you think you really know me then you can blow me,
Cuz you don't know shit except for the shit that I talk about homie.
I'm sick of all this awkward dog shit conversation cuz when I'm walkin;
I'm just fantasizing bout how often I could fill up a coffin
Doused in self hatred and set ablaze so if it's my thoughts that I'm lost in,
You gonna be the first victim on the second page if you even start talkin.
I drop bombs on myself daily like Russians in Syria
You think you can hurt me but you ain't me so you don't meet the criteria.
I live life like an angry rap song so I just beatbox through it,
And the only place I find my peace is inside the detox unit.


Emily


Uninfekted, I was sweet and serene
Not much about me was rude or obscene
A little shy maybe, and a lot more clean
But then 143 became the wine to my brie
Unlocking shackles and setting me free
And it was so worth my while
If only just for my smile
I've got you lot…RB on chrome
so when I get here it's like, ‘Honey I’m home’
Family don’t understand me the way that you do
I hate half of them but I love all of you
Emilyinthepool, you poets harpoon it
Straight through my heart in this detox unit


Enoch Light


Check it. . .
I’m in a class alone multi-faceted to crack a dome
These raps we own are heavy enough to collapse ya zone
Perhaps I’m known for the poetic craft I’ve shown
Fuck a throne, I’m sewn into RB’s fabric & bones
This fact is known, my flows like packing chrome
I blow wigs back every track I spit crack and own
Honed in attacking with hands wrapped in stone
Spits so sick it’ll leave ya folded in half ‘n prone
Clone emcees get blown out and left un-known
Put the cone of silence on crews like a muted phone
I puke tones more musically moving then those
Who think they even compete on the level I rose
From Blood and bone, I compose deadly prose
I made it home. . Detox until death, or until I over dose

(Drops the mic)

bumping

damn yall should of tagged me. I would of fed this. @Emily I will drop feed when I get time Friday.

Ip still doing it major!

Yo this was an excellent read rite here. All of you came in with a nice detailed drop, The imagery was well placed on all ends IMO I was abit confused with one of the lines but where this was due, You definitely made a good delivery even with some minor confusion on my end lol. Break down for all writers are as follows:

143

Supplying the fire, fortifying the hot box
Untying the wire, tired of life's frequent cock blocks
Bellowing from the gallows, I'm reaching from the bottom
Only then my finger's shadow shallow, reality's a problem
I can hear the sobs of a sister, she walks alone in this desert
The crescent moon of a deathwatch serves her husband a present
I'm shocked cause the world like sporting blindfolds and blind eyes
The time folds the right ties to reverse removal of bright skies
Being told to stay peaceful, don't joust with these jesters
But my festering soul armed with pain to settle interjection
Is it an infektion that change the paleness of their congestion
Coughing offerings nesting the pesters from being sequestered
I guess testing the texture will only ruffle the few left
Still letting a brewed death resonate, penetrate like lewd sex....

Now I'm restocking prudence, my life, re-cocking newness
Re-lock fluent ties to truth, re-spotted union in this detox unit

I see you passionate at what you do homie and I like that. This was an excellent write from beginning to end fam Good Looks 100. Not much of a breakdown I can do with what you gave me homie Good shit!!!

Trajik


ah so what, i need to grow up
twenty eight, plenty of waiting, the grown up still needs to show up
act so tough like i know stuff, but you know what? i'm simply so dumb
conniptions fitting as my restrictions 'cause anger makes bad decisions
listen, i envision myself on a mission and fixing my nutrition
with the energy of fission, i'm driven to glisten all the friction
i feel like the bucket of nails left out in the rain... rusty
try but i'm subject to fail - something needs to adjust me
finally i think i'm venison, game to attempt a bit of medicine
i don't want to stress again, on this same level of aggression
call myself a writer proudly, but my writing lately is lousy
can't write in silence when all my distractions think so loudly
thought i was smart, but why does my head seem so cloudy?
this rhyme scheme is a metaphor for my twenties
it started strong but became a mediocre ending
i want to rage against the machine and put my Reebok through it
feeling like bulls on parade, it's why i need the detox unit

The build started very nice homie no doubt, but as the read went on I found myself abit lost in some of the lines you were trying to get across.
The "Finally I think Im Venison, Game to attempt abit of medicine" Line was abit confusing IMO lol. Other than that you had a solid read as well homie, very well done. 100

YD


I'm sick of always feeling like a failure or second best,
I'm 2 seconds away from not catchin my breath
On the brink of death less than a step away
Been depressed for days but I'm obsessed with the daze
I keep pressin play to this music
To express the way I'm feelin before I lose it
I'm just an abscess stickin out in the crowd
I never expected the silence to get so fuckin loud
Just look at me now
Look at how I'm feelin with a perc in my mouth
Listen to the sound of me tryin to work it out
My mind be doing donuts while depression circles around.
I just be smiling like a clown without the fuckin circus in town.
So if you think you really know me then you can blow me,
Cuz you don't know shit except for the shit that I talk about homie.
I'm sick of all this awkward dog shit conversation cuz when I'm walkin;
I'm just fantasizing bout how often I could fill up a coffin
Doused in self hatred and set ablaze so if it's my thoughts that I'm lost in,
You gonna be the first victim on the second page if you even start talkin.
I drop bombs on myself daily like Russians in Syria
You think you can hurt me but you ain't me so you don't meet the criteria.
I live life like an angry rap song so I just beatbox through it,
And the only place I find my peace is inside the detox unit.

This was a fresh read homie, exactly what I was looking for...Well written with a lot of passion "Deep though". Overall very nice homie and very well executed. 100

Emily


Uninfekted, I was sweet and serene
Not much about me was rude or obscene
A little shy maybe, and a lot more clean
But then 143 became the wine to my brie
Unlocking shackles and setting me free
And it was so worth my while
If only just for my smile
I've got you lot…RB on chrome
so when I get here it's like, ‘Honey I’m home’
Family don’t understand me the way that you do
I hate half of them but I love all of you
Emilyinthepool, you poets harpoon it
Straight through my heart in this detox unit

Nice write Gurl, Nice structure, build and imagery for what you had to say. "Not much I can Breakdown with you either so goody shit. Excellent lil read no doubt Keep it up and look forward to hearing more. 100

Enoch Light


Check it. . .
I’m in a class alone multi-faceted to crack a dome
These raps we own are heavy enough to collapse ya zone
Perhaps I’m known for the poetic craft I’ve shown
Fuck a throne, I’m sewn into RB’s fabric & bones
This fact is known, my flows like packing chrome
I blow wigs back every track I spit crack and own
Honed in attacking with hands wrapped in stone
Spits so sick it’ll leave ya folded in half ‘n prone
Clone emcees get blown out and left un-known
Put the cone of silence on crews like a muted phone
I puke tones more musically moving then those
Who think they even compete on the level I rose
From Blood and bone, I compose deadly prose
I made it home. . Detox until death, or until I over dose

(Drops the mic)

This was a Dope read my dude, Liked the play with the Multies, PU's and Deliveries. Ill definitely be paying attention to your drops homie keep it real. 100

EXCELLENT JOB FROM ALL THESE EMCEES AND WRITERS^^^^^^

hey infekted pens, thought id drop in for some feedback and share my thoughts. this was a great collaboration, and everyone definitely threw down some dope verses, First off 123 came in with some interesting wordchoices and flow and kept more of an abstract poetic sense of style in the verse, though i do have to say some of the wordchoices did seem to sacrifice for flow and ive been victim to doing this before, there is a really cool fluid flow going on in there though and i liked the little hints at infekted and ending it strong. The verse came off kind of distorted and had paths that could have been executed well, almost like a few untold stories. thought some elements were dope though kind of going through the rounds, with some imagery surrounding what could be inhabitants of this detox unit, like some of the metaphors toward the end maybe symbolizing heroin. moving on to trajik, I thought had way less cryptic writing, and thus made for an easier read, i kind of breezed right through which is a plus, easy going flow that i was moving on, definitely had a smoother visual, my only criticism would be that for saying your writing lately is lousy in your verse, your even kind of taking away from it here. mechanics were definitely there and had pretty dope potentiality, just need to delve deeper in your creative flow. YD, haha kudos for having the only verse so far that referenced using drugs clearly lol things got a bit more on point here with the topic and emotions, I guess for you id only say to keep at the flow because it's very close to being pretty precise, the only things really stopping it are a few syllables here and there which is an easy fix and just takes some slight tweaking of how your going to go about the bar. onto Emily, Emily this might be my favorite verse so far, short, to the point, the 143 line had me smiling, this was a little piece written specifically for crew and i do have to say it showed, it was very personable for you guys, a bit of pure fun writing, dope. Lastly we have enoch light, this was a creative little flex piece, the tightest flow of the bunch definitely, only thing is it kind of tapered off towards the end slightly. The rhythm made for one of the easiest reads. By technicality the writing was the best, there was a couple cool shouts to crew in there too.

overall again this was a cool read, enjoyed the verses infekted pens!

Well I'm one for 3 yes very nice vocabulary I mean I like the rhyme scheme the emotion was there my favorite line from him was the Crescent in the desert I'm serving the husband like a present tragic had very nice vocabulary good rhyme scheme I like from the beginning to where he said the nails Rusty need to adjust me I thought that rhyme scheme was pretty dope yd his flow is pretty original is pretty basic as far as rhyme scheme as far as vocabulary but overall the emotion was there Emily she was more on the spoken word but delivered it well you know I like how she expressed that RB was her Rock now my man Encoch Light he brought bars. Overall good similes good creativity nice impact good delivery aggressive that should be all overall good read from everybody and I'm sorry if this sounds like a f****** run-on vote but I am using voice command so I hope you can understand what I'm saying thank you

This was terrific guys and girl

Digits, you've always had a unique style that's an acquired taste. To me, you sacrifice the heart of the verse for flow and diction and in my opinion that's always held you back from your full potential. With that being said, it's the same here. I loved your wording and the flow was solid from start to finish. Couple spots here and there that felt pretty awkward to me. Like you gave up proper english for the sake of a multi lol. Overall, from a technical aspect, it was solid. Just wish there was more depth and detail bro. Trajik, not as in depth as I'm used to seeing from you but you had spots of beauty in here. Really liked the 'distractions talk so loudly" bit and that last bar was fire too. Your wording and flow was solid, good bit. YD, solid bit as well. Felt like there was a couple lines where you could've taken out a word or two to fix up the syllable count and the flow would've been better but from start to finish I have very few complaints. Solid jaunt. Don't know why but I laughed a couple times reading this. Imagining a small Australian woman rapping in a high pitch voice. Please forgive me. I'd say lengthen your lines some and work on getting more multies in each line. The more the merrier. Y'know? Good job though. Kayge, best verse of the collab bruv. From start to finish, your wording and rhyme scheme was spot on. No complaints here. Enjoyed it entirely.

Overall, solid collab. Y'all came in, stayed on topic and did your thing. Good job.