Why they always win?

I used to pause and think and put my hands like that in a triangle
Now it’s different like a fake pose as they hit me from every angel
Darkness... nah - but in mental he chased me around with a bible saying I come from sin
The dr told my mom to kick me out and I ain’t even do nothing
It’s like God punishing me too, I’m so confused
But I love him to death like the stand that keeps them amused
But it was for my family I chose to give my last breath
I mean it - give me self peace or give me death
is god just warning me? But it really feel like he scorning me
and I’m confused cause I lived my best to answer to him
Always getting hit or worse after I’m hit... a sick vision
Clear like glass - nah evidentially it wasn’t me
And I need to be myself cause like this I can’t even see
I’m not just set up for their tragedy
It’s MY life why I don’t even get a say how it’s gonna be
and like
Yo... am I really for rent
ITS NOT ME asking in repent
And IM spent like
Do you hate me too
Cause I hate myself right now cause how they do
I need to be myself so I can handle this
And nah it really isn’t how it’s been ever since - as I’m typing (tapping) so
NO I refuse to share my body with ANYTHING or ANYONE but no matter what I do they just won’t go
NO!
I rather die then let someone less then me demand where I go
But they win, they win everytime against my no
and they even cursed my birthday
How? They don’t even have a reason and every day now is like my worst day
I just need ONE person not to leave me like this
Cause I really can’t stand it and nah i won’t dismiss
And they just playing as I say what ever walking along
And like I really didn’t do anything wrong
I watched EVERY move I made and did it in best
How the fuck I don’t even have a vest
NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME
they ALL traded me in or think they better then as they be
But it really is a living hell for me
Why? How can they sit there and do this to me?
How can they sit there and demand at the expense of me
I’m tired of everyone telling or demAnding what I do
I’m 41... when they gonna realize it’s cause they keep me from you
If it’s too far wrong I don’t even wanna take the loss
Fate, you can’t change fate no matter the cost
So How did I earn this instead
MOTHER FUCKER THEY PISSED ON MY BED
and I was home - that picture confirms it’s not in my head
As they still hit every hash tag or wrong key to remind me they own my body instead
I used to scream at the echelon talking mad shit
I guess somewhere I knew this is it

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When I got beat down and didn’t know how or even know... I placed my head against the shower wall in pain as I got my forehead kissed somehow - I’m ready to go - just wanted you to know... I DIDNT DO A THING WRONG TO DESERVE THIS I JUST can’t believe it ever came to this... I just can’t believe it ever came to this - I just cAnt believe everyone is so selfish

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My heart doesn’t even growl the same and why do they keep tapping my nephews name - god saved me
For this instead?

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I would’ve been happy if only for the night especially cause they keep tapping thru me - I rather be dead then have to

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5 years of straight hell and my worst nightmare since they shot me... why? Why would god send ME to hell and not them

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Until I OD - I refuse to be forced to live like this instead. Every night I pray for
Death instead

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Nah my kids need to know why “if only
For the night” as it should’ve been

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My entire life I lived for my knife. I didn’t need to know he didn’t care for me either and left me tApping and tracing instead