karma peach

i've always
wanted to love somebody
so much-
that i never learned to like anyone.

you are dangerously close-
like a Molotov
to a dream.
there's a crease in your smile
from when you carried it closed
or maybe
from when the one that last carried it
for you.
there's a thorn in your paw;
a crucifix in your heart that lives
harder
than the winter you saw your
father stumble through.
a laugh in your bones
that echoes awkwardly
what your mother once shone.
and i like it,
all of it.


i dream that you're in my bed-
looking sweeter
than your taste for revenge.
not wearing much at 5 pm
but you're in my bed saying
the things i want to hear.
saying anything.


i wake up.
7:15 in the morning-
everyday. the first thing i see
is Don Quixote
leaning against my wall.
and i can barely make out his voice
all i hear is that it ain't right
to fight a windmill and lose.
and then he tells me
it ain't right for me and you
to be all we've ever been.
not while you
don't exist.


i don't know how not to make mistakes
but i recognize them
when i see them.
i know there's something wrong.
you're why
i sweat when i write.
sometimes i can't blink
or
breathe through our conversations
because there are so many questions
i will never ask you.
i used to ask a lot, for someone.
not anymore.
not since i couldn't explain
what i couldn't explore.
but that thorn is still in your paw.
i wouldn't want you,
any other way.


im trying
to learn how to like you
before i say
i've always loved you.

how can i put this besides, i completely understand. this is lovely.

I will actually hit this later. Promise

suuuuuure you will.

Haven't read anything of yours in awhile, but I can tell you've gotten really good at writing poems kind of holistically. The turn around at the end, played off the first stanza, was very well done.
Only thing I didn't really like was 'i' not capitalized because I feel like usually you would capitalize it. I may be wrong.
Parts like this were gold

Quote:

---

there's a thorn in your paw;
a crucifix in your heart that lives
harder
than the winter you saw your
father stumble through.

---

Dope stuff.

thank you sir. i haven't written anything in many months. i've had the worst writers' block of my life since i last did a poetry slam in DC and lost. i had to re-evaluate a lot of aspects of writing. i couldn't decipher what was trash from what was worth keeping at all. everything i wrote pissed me off to the point of depression.

seriously tho, thank you for always replying to my stuff. it means a lot to me.

again, you have a niche on this website. It the way you use simple, intentional, meaningful words. Your imagery is so fluid, like you're telling a story verbally.

You immediately had me in your opening stanza... really brilliant take imo.

You do a great job with sentence structure, switching between long and short sentences... it really keep the read moving and fluid. I loved the repetition. It really gives the conclusion that much more punch.

I still don't get the Don Quixote bit. I don't understand how it fits at all, in fact. It seemed to take away from the metanarrative.

Overall, I enjoyed this... this will make more sense when you give me an explanation of the Quixote bit.

well i literally have a painting of don quixote on my bedroom wall. he's been like a brother to me, like an alter ego. not the painting, but the character of don quixote. he believed in being a hero, he believed it when no one else did, he believed that he was there to save even when he wasn't wanted. but in this poem he's speaking to me from his last piece of wisdom, he slayed the giants(windmills), so in that part im alluding that we may see a task worth taking, but in reality it may not be all that noble.

i hope that clears it up a bit-

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...Donquixote.JPG

that's the painting on my wall. its by picasso.

totally makes more sense... it fits much better.

Though I will say, the sudden personal, abstract bit still kind of throws me off.

totally makes more sense... it fits much better.

Though I will say, the sudden personal, abstract bit still kind of throws me off.

that's a very fair critique. i fell under the trap of momentum. i had been in a continuous cycle of writing and erasing the first line of this poem for a month straight, then one night i was able to sprint through it and it came to this. could have used some more editing for sure. appreciate the outside perspective.