The Butterfly Effect (Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer)

TheButterflyEffect
By Kaotic Theory and Kingslayer

https://www.diamondvogel.com/sites/d...rfly-small.png

Japanese sensu's
Frolicking on my days bloom
Romantically

Symmetrical peace,
the hues of blue correspond.
Like two dancing leafs.

Its Tie Die blankets
Wither wild performances
Basking in sunlight

Serenity follows
behind tropical coattails.
A fruitful display.

A taste of heaven
Angels swimming gracefully
Mother natures toast

Serendipity.
Shockwaves of colorful joy
fluttering in glee.

It resembles hope
In pursuit of happiness
Civilized eye candy

Precious remedy.
If only the world could see
the butterfly's wings.

This is really really nice fellas! the cohesion between the two of you is extremely strong whilst stylistically remaining undisturbed by one another. It felt as though there was only one writer, so I think that's a poignant accolade you've achieved. I would have perhaps preferred a little more engagement with the senses as I feel the times when you did engage it worked really well, for instance; the taste of heaven/toast line and the visual references you make. So yeah, a little more of that would ice the cake nicely! I think the for the most part your respective word choices were perfect. ' frolicking on my days bloom' and 'the hues of blue correspond' are probably my favorite lines of the piece as they paint a vivid image as well as just sounding very smooth and authentic. Overall really nice work! Wish I wasn't such a lazy cunt and got involved :P Next time faggots.

There's a lot to like about this piece of work. Not only do both writers mesh well and camouflage the fact that there are two of you
but the flow works like a charm. Sometimes when people write collabs it's a little obvious when a new writer takes over, but with this
I'm actually having trouble trying to find that kind of slip up. You both did well balancing your writing style to come out with a whole stack
of haiku that work as one. I also adore the colourful language. There's original quotes in this and that's refreshing to see.

Quote:

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Its Tie Die blankets
Wither wild performances
Basking in sunlight

Serenity follows
behind tropical coattails.
A fruitful display.

---

Colours pop in my imagination. Wording is crisp and comes alive.
Tie die (should be 'dye') blankets is sensational. As is 'tropical coattails' and 'fruitful display'.

Quote:

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A taste of heaven
Angels swimming gracefully
Mother natures toast

---

lol Love that. I love all of that. All three lines. That's great.

Quote:

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Civilized eye candy

---

Never heard it put like that before.
That's clever.

Quote:

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Precious remedy.
If only the world could see
the butterfly's wings.

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I'm a bit confused by the outro. The world 'can see' a butterfly's wings so I'm a bit confused by the'...if only the world could see...' bit.
I understand you mean if only the world could see and appreciate its beauty, but that screws with syllables lol.
I like the way it goes out, don't get me wrong. It's just that it's so literal in meaning and that shakes me awake a bit.
But you know I'm nit picking here so, no biggie.
The fact that you guys have so much description packed into this, and a smooth ass flow makes it a great collaboration.
Like I said, colours that touch the sky. That burst out of the scene and land right in front of my eyes.
This piece came alive for me.
Yeah, there's a lot here to like.

Well done to both of you for following the leader so well.

Great read.


Thank you.

Thankyou Both.

Y'all have big hearts. Thank you for the amazingly long feedback.

This was dope.

No line outshines the other. It was a full force of poetic emotion and imagery.
You both did an excellent job with the diction you chose. Flow and symmetry
Was what really shined here. You is managed to write something that is seem less
In style and tone.. this reads like one person wrote it, which is a hard thing to do
In collabs . Indeed this was an outstanding showcase of good writing. I thought KT
WASNT GOOD AT HAIKUS? Lol

Bump :)