Cries of a Heretic

I've prayed at altars, craving departure,
begging God to take me, 'cause maybe it's my fault
your truth wasn't heard, though I learned every word,
even practiced the principles of this that and the third.
just light me with roses, and knight me like Moses,
for I'll show you lightning that rivals the Norse's,
formerly known as, a gold gleam of topaz,
I walk alongside the lone road of a Nomad.

my purpose is in servicin' persons indefinite,
ask me, what do I represent? everything heaven-sent,
fire, water, air, earth elements. watchin' me fall is a requisite
I been droppin' off a cliff, freefallin'
drawing attention like I've withdrawn investment
of the heart.... just to spark up the tension,
get you thinkin' I'm here and then I'm gone in a second.


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alright you don't gotta leave a comment for feedback (as I didn't get any on my last thread) but any encouragement to keep this going would be warmly welcomed.

shoot..
was supposed to read "my purpose is in servicin' persons derservin' indefinite".

doesn't seem to give me a edit option, ahwell

rap battles ain't what it used to be. where's the feedback y'all?

This was pretty good, I actually prefer this to your other piece which did flow nice but felt a bit drawn out, this was short and juicy. Loved the daoist comparisons and real world depictions you offered here. Could have offered more personally situational events in-rhyme to sculpt the heretic(s) you want to make the connection with. Sorry for the lack of feedback.
The problem with these dying forums is rappers like yourself come back and drop a couple gems and expect it to flourish with new views and feedback like it was early 2000 or something. You need to get active with reading others work and offering your honest critiques in order to see more replies for yourself.

I'm sensing a northerners accent here, I like the use of rhyme/creative language in this fammo...structure is aiite, could be better.... keep writing. Work on a scheme for the next joint, it'll come out smoother.

This was smooth fam. Short but the flow was easy to pickup.


my purpose is in servicin' persons indefinite,
ask me, what do I represent? everything heaven-sent,

Not liking the first two lines though

of a Heretic
I've prayed at altars, craving departure,
begging God to take me, 'cause maybe it's my fault

It was a short and coo little piece. I will check for some of your other drops.