Sarah's Song

And lord knows she's beautiful... lord knows she's a person that's seeked.
A lovely creature, who etched her butina's stem in the earth that was deep...
A freshman of College, who loved expressing her knowledge to professors, yet modest..
Every question was honest. Nose in her textbooks, in her quest to accomplish
That yearning. And that burning sensation in her grew, I could see it.
But none of that mattered. I was in love with her desire to learn of such secrets
Hidden beneath the surface.. and we may of had our quarrels
but a long stride in the evening Sun appeased the disagreement runs
I loved her. Her beautiful smile could light up a room from a crowd...
Who paid homage to the black arts and followed the darkness that was looming around..
Her childlike nature to see it all for the best was acknowledged, a crest
reflected from the 20/20 experience, given me depth perception.
May have had memories I regretted and buried deep, but it was a ressurection
a rock, banned from sight - a light beyond Evanescence.
But once I hit the front seat, and her the back, I heard a crack...
Rubber burning, swirving, smack the dashboard - there's no turning back...



And Lord know she's beautiful; no one could ever leave her alone.
Life would keep her company, even if she wanted to be on her own.
No one could teach her a lesson, the very sight of her resting
was like a confession through the night too see the life she was destined.
An orchid would grow from her luminous blow, a kiss
echoing from the walls of love, reigning in on the window pane of pain within...
A chameleon mentality for joy, void changed again.
Projecting such innocence I have lusted, in exchange for sin.
She would always be so care free, which scared me, I understood...
Her worth couldn't be measured, a drug I took for my heartache have come for good...
The good and the bad, because I had no priorities then... so I'd pretend.
The theatre of my mind was open again... every roll at its end...
The completion of a Saint, the unfinished works of a sadist...
The apple of my eye until I say my last Goodbye
But once I hit that front seat, and cock the ignition?
She's peeling off the drive way... another car, roaring off in the distance...



And Lord knows she's beautiful, didn't say it enough...
Especially for that Angel in my life I gave up...
the consequence is a burden, for such a wonderful person...
absolute in the conquest of a love so uncertain
In reality? The pedestal you set was hard to reach for me...
Maybe I didn't exactly evaluate what other people could see...
when my conscious was speaking to me, the faith in which other people believe..
Your tireless efforts, I beseached to achieve, even we we....
Grew further apart... you were teary, I was having tremors, shaking..
That porcelain smile, I remember breaking.
Forever making that trench in my soul deeper; head is aching.
Started abusing medication for peurile preservation..
But that won't take me back to the achiever I knew...
Lord knows there was no cure for the disease that I grew...
But once I hit the back seat, I understand whole heartedly...
That you won't be up there in the front to start the car for me...

This is slept on...

I'm at work right now, but I've bookmarked this thread so I can come back to it in more detail.

Nice post, ...Celph Taut.

not gonna lie, I haven't even glanced through it lol

I'll come back to it shortly bro, after I've had a spliff to get me in the zone lol

u chose a topic then wrote bout it, try writing without a topic

LOL @ these rain-checks and pseudo critics.


And at the guy above, I write without topics ALL the time. They're called Key styles. I'm like the top guy that does em, lol.

Lol sayin not to use a topic to write about is like tellin someone not to use 4x4 driving in snow.

Really well spoken. Vividly captured the emotion tone and story.

good job.

LOL sorry for the drop-in earlier, I was at work.

My promise was sincere, though.

I liked the repetition in the start o each stanza, some might not, but I can dig it. It was cool how you opened wit an almost afterthought, bringing the reader right into the action from the get-go.

Butinas was a dope choice of word.

I also enjoy how you let the sentences run, not always looking to make it a couplet, but letting the piece progress naturally. It might not be so rated around here as it should be, but that's a lost art, and I respect that.

Solid verse.

Ha ^ I appreciate the words, Baron :)


Thanks for the critique, Ideal!


Keep em' coming!

@Celph taut it was beautiful, especially considering it was coming from a guy... the one sad scenario I saw I had to flip perspectives and write it from the guys point of view so I guess what struck me from this is that even it was way dif scenarios, I was kinda right on how guys see it but yet won't usually express it. http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre....html?t=449441

BTW, what happened to her? Did she die or just say goodbye?????