Allergic to Bitches

So you're full was just their pull like the expression I need a fag... just like yet another teams tag? Like nah bitch sorry I'm so weak and don't speak on your trained command but your sick shit is when it goes too far especially for the demand... and I can't stand the circle and dragging me about if you wanted me to leave you should've just been honest and said get out. Like no doubt who the fuck wants a man that doesn't even love them back I prefer the straight forward only a true bitch would take or need that style of attack. Like fake or real I guess I don't even get either and nah what does it mean to burn on that anniversary to ether? Well... im still getting my ass kicked cause now I just choose to be solo can't even chill riding low me myself and dolo and that's the style I usually prefer though. I just want to be myself... don't wanna trip over bitches typing at my door or the other types that swear it wasn't them and I was the whore... just none of that no more. They brought trade to an entire new level and have the nerve to lie and say that's how I dance with the devil? I'm the type I'm gonna ask you one question and you can tell the truth or lie but after you choose remember it's still your choice if you gonna look me in the eye. Sure I really wanted that other guy say goodnite bitches I showed you my Lord lives in the sky!

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And hell no that was sarcastic I know what's real what fake and what's hate and I never lied just pull them tapes!!!!

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Link one: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...sted-Oz-Collab

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Link two: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...en-Mic-Section

hey, disc, thanks for the feed. here to return the favor.

this was very polarizing in terms of execution and concept. ON one hand its great that you were able to embed a piece of "You" into this piece. its pretty obvious this was a vent piece as there were lots of personal inflections scattered about. On the other hand its not something uncommon. I've read this type of stuff many times before.

the execution was also conflicting. YOu have a very natural way of wording (a good thing) and also a very good understanding of metric and all that; despite the paragraph format, i was able to catch the scheme fine. but much of it was end rhyme (ironically). i think with this type of format, you'd have to do a few multies to really carry the piece (and interest) along. especially if a muhfucka isn't used to the more subtle scheme. overall a nice vent piece.

Thanks @Sammy I'm still learning most of that was over my head but I appreciate the feed back and will try to work harder on flow, format, and balance... I am a kinda end liner I try to start like beginning ones too if hats what you meant. Thank you!

Dopest chick in the forums

The format was really rough. But i caught the flkw. Longwinded type shit. If you read this with as few breaths as possible it s really dope.

Try writing in bar format. This being my first read from you idk if you ever have or nkt. Maybe thjs was just a big "fuck it ,i need toget thjs shit out" type of piece. Idk. Eitherway i thought it was dope. Havntsaid tha bout a woman since hmmmm i cant remember. Not many women doing this anymore. We got silver over at ncs. Aka DG. Maybe we can set a battle between you 2 up for this intersite extravaganza thats coming. Idk. Would be dope. Honestly i got you spanking DG tho. Shesa bit goofy. Thanks for the feed. Returning the favor. Keep writing..check into my thread in discussion if your interested in joining the intersite battle card. Ill set you up against silver.

@Genocide thank you so much that means a lot to me!! I'll keep trying I love to write.

AND NO I WASNT TALKING TO YOU, ONLY AFTER THE DOTS AND IM FRUSTRATED AS ALL HELL AFTER MB2010 THEN GETTING SHOT... THE BITCH IS FUCKING CRAZY AND YOURE MAD AT ME?!?! I KNOW THAT BITCH LURKING CATCHING EVERY FUCKING DROP AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH HIM SHOULDNT BE MY PROBLEM... GO TO HELL BITCH, I MEET YOU THERE. My family has its name tagged on your old tired ratchet ass with a pitchfork I'm sure. Back up off me!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by A Disciple

@Genocide thank you so much that means a lot to me!! I'll keep trying I love to write.

AND NO I WASNT TALKING TO YOU, ONLY AFTER THE DOTS
AND IM FRUSTRATED AS ALL HELL AFTER MB2010 THEN GETTING SHOT...
THE BITCH IS FUCKING CRAZY AND YOURE MAD AT ME?!?!
I KNOW THAT BITCH LURKING CATCHING EVERY FUCKING DROP
AND YOUR OBSESSION WITH HIM SHOULDNT BE MY PROBLEM...
GO TO HELL BITCH, I MEET YOU THERE.
My family has its name tagged on your old tired ratchet ass
with a pitchfork I'm sure. Back up off me!!!

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See how it makes a difference and easier to discern how to read it. A few well placed commas and this should would read smooth as fuck. Just easier when you do it this way instead of a paragraph. I can catch the flow and syllables. Some people might not be able to as easy. Shits dope.. Try this dormat though.

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I mean ur bars are long so they dont look like it but i spaced the shit out. Idk. Hooefully u see what i did

uppin...

@Genocide I see it and you're right thank you... my English education is still on every time you pause or take a breath comma... so I'm trying LOL (you shouldve seen my grammar tests)