Killers wrath

Psychopathic thoughts
Erratic core
A battered corpse
Smash a faggots jaw
Blood splattered whores
Death at ya door
Feeding my habit raw
Gettin savage with a jagged saw
Four-fours, attackin y'all
Can't fuck with the path I walk
Step in my way...
Be surrounded in a body bag with chalk
Stalk addicts for four bags or more
Slaughter all
That's my only protocol
Ordered to make sure you fall
You fall in brawls
Brain splattered all on the wall
Takin out the rich or the poor
Still standin tall
A sneaky ass hitman
All in your hall
While you're havin a ball
Sadistic the way i'm twistin your balls
Kill before you drawl
Or try to quick draw
I'm takin you out like your bitch to the mall.

- - - Updated - - -

Just a little freestyle.

Though this would probably be more suitable in the OM section, it started out pretty strong! I mean, gangsta rap is somewhat antiquated these days, but you help flow nicely and grammatically you were on point, so it read nicely and I thought your line spacing was for the most part very easy to follow. I felt in the latter half of the freestyle it started to fall off, like from 'ordered to make sure you fall' on wards it felt forced and the word choices felt sloppy and concepts became cliched and awkward. Keep writing, you have talent. Look forward to seeing you around the forums

Yeah thanks man, i thought the same thing (about falling off) but i didn't care because i was just freestyling. And sorry for posting it here, i'm new to the forums. Thanks for the feedback.

I liked this.
You've obviously got a good flow happening and knack for stringing the written word together.
I think you do that grungy atmosphere well. There's certain flavouring of the words and a consistency in that
department for it to follow through from a to z without it feeling like different pieces attached to each other.
I think you were able to join the dots quite well.
I'd love to hear an audio drop of yours. I can imagine this rapped over a beat.
I think what we need to be careful of are words that are expected. Predictable wording used because they rhyme,
not so much because of the essence they leave. If they leave you with an essence of predictability, know that we'll feel it too.
So maybe when lines come a little bit too easily for you (as I feel you're a good writer with a good lot of words flowing out of you)
maybe think at times about taking the road less traveled. Sometimes wording the same words in too close proximity of each other
leaves a slightly sinking feeling where a floating feeling would have been....ie)

"...While you're havin a ball
Sadistic the way i'm twistin your balls
Kill before you drawl
Or try to quick draw..."


Know what I mean?
Anyway, just my opinion and nothing more than that.

Good stuff though.
I like your pace. Nice and fast.
You've got an obvious talent and it'd be cool to hear more of your work.

Looking forward to it.

Thanks for dropping InK1.

Cool freestyle.


Thank you.