Day 22

I assume they shred you and break you down and steal any shred of dignity left in you
Because they think they are going to build you back up only how they want to
I went high low left and right
And now that I know it’s taken all of my fight
Only for the strong - maybe if I listened I wouldn’t have been kicked so weak
Screaming and crying I want to go home to a man who never even speak
The day I got beat into mental asking if my ex boyfriend was trying to blow me up
I had hundred of pennies in my ash tray to remind me my wishes ain’t enough
Who? Who? I just want to know who
And suicide ain’t never been so hard to conquer - you really don’t even have a clue
To be thought of as so dumb or petty
So easy to forgive or to make her happy
The split they used to torture
Yet the knife wouldn’t even cut the Mortar
“After your darkest day comes the light”
Nah cause every time it’s just another fight
But yet still I’m here
As they go in year after year
Anything to get me comfort in my own skin
Even if it means they’re laughing again
Why do they get what they want of me instead
Now I’m just this sad pathetic story spinning in my head
You have no clue how much I hate them
Even funnier they don’t believe i even do
You are so mother fucking lucky it happened to me and not you

I have to go to work tomorrow... I can’t sleep feeling like the people who hurt me and with that bitch poking needles in my eye �� then you sit there and take my only comfort cause you don’t want me there and I’m sitting here like this instead �� and I can’t even sit there and tell you I wish I died when they shot me cause then I have to go back to mental and get locked up again ��

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I rather be fucking dead then forced to sit here with them feeling like this instead ��

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How do you kill ghosts ��

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They fucking sleep me... I don’t know how they do it they just black me out ������

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I can’t fucking do this ��

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I could care less about a friend or a like - I just need someone to protect me. I can’t send it back. I can’t pray without hearing them interrupt me asking for forgiveness... I burned out 3 stars wishing and god still lets them and won’t make them stop. You’d be fucking crazy too... I don’t know how to make them stop. Why do they get away with anything they do to me? You? Are you like them too?

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Sign off mother fuckers I don’t care but SOMEBODY is going to hear me and my baby daddy is finally going to get the TRUTH

I never had ammo to begin with but believe me if I knew how to shoot in the dark a lot of people would be hit. I remember calling out numbers for like 6-8hrs one nite.

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The feet when I was in North Carolina - no way I would let them in - must’ve been their ghosts like they were hitting a bag in my room before like how they hit that girls ass in French Montana only for a nite video. Idk who or how and the cop knew I only knew 3 people in the entire state that wasn’t fam soo - but I DIDNT lie and there are 365 days in a year - going on 3 I think at the time - shit could be.

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If you think I’m going to sit here, shut up, and let them... you’re crazier then me

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Playing a game? The only reference I ever thought was game was hustling - so if you can please get it back and run it a second that would be great

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When I find out who did this to me. Who the sponsor was my boy was referring to... I swear stay out my way cause I have s temper and don’t wanna SNAP - I’m waiting on my freedom

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Funny 117 logged on down to 1 - must be my toy phone (do you really sit there and watch?)

Did you see where someone peed on my bed?

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I'll calm down - I know I am crazy and a lot extra lately but that's half the reason why. You get sick when someone hurts and threatens you especially when you don't know who and they been in your home. You never feel safe again.

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That's why I was freaking out and said come get me, after I already ran from CT and New York.

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I have drs but writing helped me deal with Myrtle Beach 2010 in a way that I didn't snap and lose it. That's what I meant and why when I said for once I didn't go crazy facing or talking about it. But them peeing on my bed was only last year so I don't know what to do or who it is. And when you're crazy you become the perfect victim because the police mostly dismiss the reports and dismiss me. Especially when I'm freaking out and can't even spit the words out. So next time someone wants to make fun of someone crazy - check your facts - something made them that way.

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I think it's the same person/people.

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I guess 2 years ago because I been back home a year. I put it on my IG the exact date and called the police.

‪They keep saying once I leave my family alone and move on it will be fine - but I don’t want anything to do with them, I want them to leave me alone and stop hurting me once and for all and I have every right to know what happened - I’m not letting it go. ‬