Stars and Gripes

Da NFamous
Stars and Gripes

I pledge allegiance to the legion of doom
A nation that fights paraplegic countries
Calling to arms the limb less
In this cold world forever ready to fight
We try to cleanse the flag
while in the process red and blue bled on the white
i steady my procession of thought
the lessons of this nation
where adolescents are swelling their stomachs
adept at the art of procreation
I stand tall and march to the bars of life
hardened by the fall from grace
this tainted halo placed above my wounded heart
our commander in chief panders your intelligence
and wins praise from the amber waves of mass ignorance
flags flown at half mast and our pastimes are beautiful
Juiced giants stand defiant singing America the usual
Rather than start, on the madness of march
it saddens me, that we are bound by laws other then that of gravity
God's grip has slipped, no longer grabbing the free
Now its average to see illicit activity on a reel
Prisoners of warfare tortured while we're eating a meal
Stripped of our stars i need a solution
disillusioned my state of mind has decided
to suceed from the union
and bleed red white and nuetral, giving up our father's fight
These colors do run, all that remains in my eyes
..are stars and gripes
1luv.

Elevation is key...1luv.

i read this in the battle you had...definately enjoyed it...it was funny because when i read the topic i thought of exactly the same thing...and i was glad you didnt kill the concept...i thought everything was solid and consistent, no weak points, nothing brought it down...if you did this as a slam it would be a hit, as long as you delivered it right...nice piece...you should look at mine
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180322
...LRP...

^Thanks for the positivity man, i'll check you poem out soon, elevation is the key, 1luv.

This was a nice piece. I completely disagree. I don't want to debate, but the fact that the piece made me think, and even with it conflicting with my personal beliefs drew me in more. I love to read oposite oppinions of my own and the fact that this was a poem was a bonus. Good job.

well... you know what I think as far as structure gos, you also know i like this a lot.
I think you need to touch it up by making some words bigger in the shorter sentences or making them compound or take some words out in the longer ones, maybe a little of both methods. Great poem though, really clever.

Twas' Dope.
Real opinionated contradicting stuff.

Hit me up on aim bro,if you want me to discuss this with you.

^Thanks chem my man you know im loving the support

Wicked-Im glad you could enjoy it even though our opinions differ, that says a lot about your open mindedness and my poem i think, thanks for that

Luke-Thanks the most for your aim comments, means a lot that you found it so enjoyable

elevation remains key...1luv.

This is really hot Nfamous, strong images in this here poem, i really liked how you were able to make me feel your words, good wording too. One of my new favorite poems lol and good luck with your IE battle as well nice work
-Fiasco

Nice Fav Parts:.

flags flown at half mast and our pastimes are beautiful
Juiced giants stand defiant singing America the usual

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