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Thread: Why Ft Alchemy , Paranoid, Ill'usive..IJL!

  1. #1
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Why Ft Alchemy , Paranoid, Illus'Artis ..IJL!



    Alchemy™
    Why Im I here?........And people are dying?
    In New Orleans?And Bush isnt even trying.
    Bush is craccing down on free porn......But!
    Why is bush still president he shoulda been cut!
    Why do people live off Hatred and Love Angers
    Why are most youths you see all.....gang bangers
    thinkin its a game,Kids die everyday,Whens it gonna stop?
    having a wrong color,Can be a reason to make that lead pop
    Everytime you step outside,No one is safe,People carry heat
    One false move, And your body might lay on the concrete
    Why is everyone being drug tested?Why cant we live our life..?
    Men getting women pregnant,and not making them there wife.
    Why isnt Hatred something,that will go away,and not stay
    Never wish death on noone cus it just might be your day
    So now eveyone who's readin this before you reply..
    Just take a second to think...and Just tell me why?!
    .
    Illus'Artis
    Why is every time I step outside hatred fills the sky,
    feels like sometimes my mind is set to columbine.
    I define rage. Turn my page rage after rage sets the stage.
    Inclined when I arrive to this site lie after lie arise, *sighs*
    Lets rewind I’m from Brooklyn lines, no burbs, BK derived.
    Fallacies, Fat Lies clogs the air Why ?
    Because Opey leaped and got stuck in the sky.
    Why is there ignorance existent in every instance .
    It's in men, yet step to Illus you wont resist his scripts.
    Labeled Persistence bashing ignorance. Reluctance
    Why heads fear this. kats anticipated, yet never sedated
    In their shoes there quaking shaking hence steady hatin.
    F this site, everyone in Open Mic, legends no one recognized,
    in real life , you think you'll be label nice, think twice.
    99.9 percent of ya'll are all hype, RB heads wont amount to ish
    it's a risk , but play it, while my drawing are in art exhibits.
    Now ask yourself WHY I'm coming like this.
    .
    Paranoid
    Why am I lost in this world, convertin on stress?
    Nah never will I proceed, when never the less
    Contemplatin on hatred, how did I survive in this?
    My questions lie responsible of whos alive in this
    That aint my problem, my suggestion are to Christ
    Pray for hope, say more cope and it’s your light
    Quitin to relate with hate, why consider a lie?
    Even God has questions, missions pity us to die
    Given a second chance, Livin a recon I’d advance
    Carrying all of his heart, strength of a lance..
    Told me I was his guard, a forever livin peace
    Holdin honor, loyalty stole the sin in his heat
    Revealin the horrifyin reality a question should..
    Bound to complicate more then a lesson could
    Give a grear answer with a loud why…
    …………………………and live yourself a proud try
    Last edited by aSap iLL; September 29th, 2005 at 07:54 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Bone ama slap you, you got my name wrong
    edit it....it's Illus'Artis lol..

  4. #4
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Woops changed sorry about that fam

  5. #5
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    No prob but you forget to change it on the
    title as well....but flip it lol...

    *awaits for replies*

    Nice collab by the way brah.

  6. #6
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    Alchemy - Well you came okay. You were very predictable. And when making an OM you dont want to be that. You lightly touched on topics instead of digging deeper and getting controversy that no one would expect from the title of this. It has to be unique and one of a kind, this wasnt that. So work on that in your writing and you will be sure to get better. On another note work on your flow. The syllables were off in a few spots and it messed up my read. The rhyming could have been better. Work on double rhymes and internals to help it flow. Just keep writing bro.

    Illus'Artis - The flow was on point man. I was loving that. Your choice of vocab made your emotions hit. I liked your approach alot. You spoke the truth and definantly made the reader feel it. The rhyming was key in this.. and you executed it brilliantly. It seemed like you were taking shots at some heads so thats always good lol. Just a nice drop and it definantly helped this piece out as a whole.

    Paranoid
    - You really picked it up ahlf way through this. I loved the lines "Given a second chance, Livin a recon I’d advance
    Carrying all of his heart, strength of a lance..
    Told me I was his guard, a forever livin peace
    Holdin honor, loyalty stole the sin in his heat
    Revealin the horrifyin reality a question should..
    Bound to complicate more then a lesson could"
    They were definantly the most emotional and best flowing in your verse. Just work on your rhyming and get some internals. You dropped a good verse and it impressed me. The approach was real. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
    It's time to do the thing - that's word to ya wristwatch

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  7. #7
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Thankz upping for some more feedback..not my best work

  8. #8
    Legendary. aSap iLL's Avatar
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    Uppin this again..can we get some more feed

  9. #9
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Forget lazy bastids...

    Up ..

  10. #10
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    it was good i espeacially like the stuff about bush and hurricane katrina stuff

  11. #11
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    ^shitty feedback, you didnt mention my verse dick.

    uppin.

  12. #12
    . Illus''s Avatar
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    Open mic replies suck..

    spits on the ground*

  13. #13
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    this is poor.....uppin

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