Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
check. good luck friend.
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Last edited by 143; May 15th, 2011 at 04:41 PM Reason: placed the links in the wrong place
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Best Topical Writer: 143
http://i51.tinypic.com/n15xr5.png
Dusk reversed, rise of the fall, sanctity of life dispersed
Strife rehearsed, cries of the mauled, anxiously wiped this earth
Great expectations still left with hobbled ambitions
So fighting nations stay buried under toppled munitions
Then come to fruition, crafted desolation that's tasteless
Bibles that are pageless tell tales of the faithless faceless
Days of wasteless prayers, on hold to let roam the demonology
Ratifying the correlation of blackened skies of commonality
Simple vitality of mindless critters feeding on husks of souls
Rendering timeless jitters, enable fluster's controls
Boldly attack and attain sacred vows, undermining futile comebacks
I stand in the mist wondering where's the sun at....
In the jist of once was populated, manifesto propergated
I've travel over lands of gravel, the "Savior Nominated"
Brought to this juncture to puncture through the devil's skin
With this infected pen rewriting, inviting an unherald win
I bask within the darkness, stalking the second nature
As if this bent reality born from a diabolical maker
Facing choices to evade or dissipate pain through lethal magic
I crawl to intuition's apex through a slew of fecal maggots.....
Experimental wildlife play within the confines
Somehow Mother Earth and Father Forge have combined
Situation's bleak, mankind will never rule this pleasantly
My inner creed bleed for an integrated solution, aggressively....
Danger arose and became a new environment, I'm cautious
Distilled vents spews polluted gastric cryogenics, I'm nauseous
Arms for twisted metal with shards of metallic human remains
Maimed ideas of the powerful, ethnological infusion refrains
Calling Hades to perform her purgatorious rhythmic chants
Inglorious hazards bond me, mimic rhetorical recants
Am I lost the the hope that I was armed for success
Pawned from regress, mind loses focus from cranial incest
Neolithic nanites runs rampant, flesh wither from poison
Revising my infrastructure, new prime directives I'm avoiding
To the point that sudden shut down blankets the scene
Containing the lean chance of revolting, reclaiming redeemed
But I fall victim to the superior campaign, lost the bid for righteousness
The "Nominated Saviors" journey was at best a deathwish at all likeliness....
Last edited by 143; May 12th, 2011 at 10:15 PM
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Best Topical Writer: 143
http://i51.tinypic.com/n15xr5.png
Dust In The Wind
by Brandon Cee
I close my eyes
Only for a moment and the moment's gone
All my dreams
Pass before my eyes with curiosity
Destiny created my path, I think the whirlwind wasn't fair to me
Cause the cure was bittersweet as my lungs limited the air I breathe
For those of you who care to see, what I'm finding embarassing
I'm different which makes a difference when others try and compare to me
But I'm scared to bleed, darkness has this stare and it buries deep
Until my soul becomes an epitaph where death begins impaling sleep
I could barely weep, this prison became a lacquered moment
And that atonement hit as I stood face-to-face with a masked opponent
Retracted notion, I never second guess cause I have to know it
So if tomorrow finds forever, I've been living in an absent motion
Every laugh is dormant, my hollow body puts the demons to bed
But FEAR is a 4-letter word like HELL; both of which I equally dread
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
If this is normal, I'd prefer alternate courses on the same route
Cause shame clouds my heart from everything that explains doubt
And I got to find the answers, it's not a test to exchange clout
I need to find my ground before my balance gives and it wears out
Grinding gears at the expense of wrath can collapse buildings
Work for no progress - that's why heaven is capped by a glass ceiling
It's a feeling and I put too much time in a bruised reflection
I can handle a rough road, but fate would have me lose direction
Skewed connections, broken promises, used impressions
These are my life stories - I'm sorry if any of you have read them
See, that's how it goes, the cons always follow the prose
But if truth is relative, it's wrong to think that God only knows
Now don't hang on
Nothing lasts forever, but the Earth and Sky
It slips away
And all your money won't another minute buy
This is a fight with myself in a form that I've tried to despise
But I can't take my vision unless the dream resides in my eyes
Let's divide - a church and a state...a birth and a date
And turn this hate into a trial where I'll be burned at the stake
I'm determined to make amends without further debate
So watch me murder the jury who put these words on my plate
Cause if this is food for thought, then I'm hungry again
Flesh torn, my pallete's worn out from all the crunching I did
See, the aftermath that I found out became the justice for sin
Just formed a new question, so I'm asking why...
....ALL we are is dust in the wind
*Italics from the song "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas*
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Brandon, new favorite. This was quite honestly your best written up to date. The wording wasn't choppy or over thought like your older pieces and the flow was clean cur and worked flawlessly. Really enjoyed the topic choice and the song stanzas were placed perfectly. Some people do shit like that and epic fail. But you and i are pretty good at it. This was a dope read. Keep posting on this calibur or higher.
Area code, two major flaws imo. Too wordy. And that being said, it fuckec up the flow. The basic rhyme scheme only helped in that error. You obviodly have potential. Seem like a storyteller. Just gotta get your content cleaned up now.
Vote BC. Better read.
143- you really surprised me with this verse man and all I can say is keep it up dude your getting places if you keep you mindset at standstill with that creative drive dude you could do wonders man.. Ok nuff with the soaking of talent your verse was specific what you wanted to portray your story well was kind up and down but your emotion was consistent now for the breakdown of what u felt went wrong... You extenuated your content pretty much dude it felt sorta forced and everywhere. You had ideas that were just sick but finished with a filler some sort of a receptive state nah mean aswell as I felt you using the vocabulary stunts far too drastic man a writer can write with or without the display of excellent understanding with vocabulary but with what you did it sorta took away from the story like if I read this off the bat then I would himself have to read again which u did thrice man. Solid drop though none the less dude and a promising future man you got all jokes asideDusk reversed, rise of the fall, sanctity of life dispersed
Strife rehearsed, cries of the mauled, anxiously wiped this earth
Great expectations still left with hobbled ambitions
So fighting nations stay buried under toppled munitions
Then come to fruition, crafted desolation that's tasteless
Bibles that are pageless tell tales of the faithless faceless
Days of wasteless prayers, on hold to let roam the demonology
Ratifying the correlation of blackened skies of commonality
Simple vitality of mindless critters feeding on husks of souls
Rendering timeless jitters, enable fluster's controls
Boldly attack and attain sacred vows, undermining futile comebacks
I stand in the mist wondering where's the sun at....
In the jist of once was populated, manifesto propergated
I've travel over lands of gravel, the "Savior Nominated"
Brought to this juncture to puncture through the devil's skin
With this infected pen rewriting, inviting an unherald win
I bask within the darkness, stalking the second nature
As if this bent reality born from a diabolical maker
Facing choices to evade or dissipate pain through lethal magic
I crawl to intuition's apex through a slew of fecal maggots
You have definitely change from the last time I read something from you which is the HW champ match about two seasons back lmfao I have been gone long but anyways you executes a nice flow which I have always adored from you... Your content was well done and emotion was spilled all over the piece dude nice string of metaphors man the inner flow was sick dude ok like 143 back to the business your drop was only one thing I was... It fell of a tad bit from what you started with n the middle verse man like the content shifted with the inners changing um... The story was something I sorta predicted you would execute but you still refined it nicely everything else was splendid though nice drop manDestiny created my path, I think the whirlwind wasn't fair to me
Cause the cure was bittersweet as my lungs limited the air I breathe
For those of you who care to see, what I'm finding embarassing
I'm different which makes a difference when others try and compare to me
But I'm scared to bleed, darkness has this stare and it buries deep
Until my soul becomes an epitaph where death begins impaling sleep
I could barely weep, this prison became a lacquered moment
And that atonement hit as I stood face-to-face with a masked opponent
Retracted notion, I never second guess cause I have to know it
So if tomorrow finds forever, I've been living in an absent motion
Every laugh is dormant, my hollow body puts the demons to bed
But FEAR is a 4-letter word like HELL; both of which I equally dread
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
If this is normal, I'd prefer alternate courses on the same route
Cause shame clouds my heart from everything that explains doubt
And I got to find the answers, it's not a test to exchange clout
I need to find my ground before my balance gives and it wears out
Grinding gears at the expense of wrath can collapse buildings
Work for no progress - that's why heaven is capped by a glass ceiling
Ok my vote is very very hard to make man I stared and read the verses a couple times before I even starting writing this breakdown man it is bugging me out cause I know it sounds not fitted but I feel this has to be battle of the week man and this is hard to judge dudes.... Dammit or the only reason "I liked it JUST a tad bit more like a fucking cunt hair dudes"
V/Brandon cee
Hope his was a good enough breakdown man
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
143- you really surprised me with this verse man and all I can say is keep it up dude your getting places if you keep you mindset at standstill with that creative drive dude you could do wonders man.. Ok nuff with the soaking of talent your verse was specific what you wanted to portray your story well was kind up and down but your emotion was consistent now for the breakdown of what u felt went wrong... You extenuated your content pretty much dude it felt sorta forced and everywhere. You had ideas that were just sick but finished with a filler some sort of a receptive state nah mean aswell as I felt you using the vocabulary stunts far too drastic man a writer can write with or without the display of excellent understanding with vocabulary but with what you did it sorta took away from the story like if I read this off the bat then I would himself have to read again which u did thrice man. Solid drop though none the less dude and a promising future man you got all jokes asideDusk reversed, rise of the fall, sanctity of life dispersed
Strife rehearsed, cries of the mauled, anxiously wiped this earth
Great expectations still left with hobbled ambitions
So fighting nations stay buried under toppled munitions
Then come to fruition, crafted desolation that's tasteless
Bibles that are pageless tell tales of the faithless faceless
Days of wasteless prayers, on hold to let roam the demonology
Ratifying the correlation of blackened skies of commonality
Simple vitality of mindless critters feeding on husks of souls
Rendering timeless jitters, enable fluster's controls
Boldly attack and attain sacred vows, undermining futile comebacks
I stand in the mist wondering where's the sun at....
In the jist of once was populated, manifesto propergated
I've travel over lands of gravel, the "Savior Nominated"
Brought to this juncture to puncture through the devil's skin
With this infected pen rewriting, inviting an unherald win
I bask within the darkness, stalking the second nature
As if this bent reality born from a diabolical maker
Facing choices to evade or dissipate pain through lethal magic
I crawl to intuition's apex through a slew of fecal maggots
You have definitely change from the last time I read something from you which is the HW champ match about two seasons back lmfao I have been gone long but anyways you executes a nice flow which I have always adored from you... Your content was well done and emotion was spilled all over the piece dude nice string of metaphors man the inner flow was sick dude ok like 143 back to the business your drop was only one thing I was... It fell of a tad bit from what you started with n the middle verse man like the content shifted with the inners changing um... The story was something I sorta predicted you would execute but you still refined it nicely everything else was splendid though nice drop manDestiny created my path, I think the whirlwind wasn't fair to me
Cause the cure was bittersweet as my lungs limited the air I breathe
For those of you who care to see, what I'm finding embarassing
I'm different which makes a difference when others try and compare to me
But I'm scared to bleed, darkness has this stare and it buries deep
Until my soul becomes an epitaph where death begins impaling sleep
I could barely weep, this prison became a lacquered moment
And that atonement hit as I stood face-to-face with a masked opponent
Retracted notion, I never second guess cause I have to know it
So if tomorrow finds forever, I've been living in an absent motion
Every laugh is dormant, my hollow body puts the demons to bed
But FEAR is a 4-letter word like HELL; both of which I equally dread
Same old song
Just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do
Crumbles to the ground though we refuse to see
If this is normal, I'd prefer alternate courses on the same route
Cause shame clouds my heart from everything that explains doubt
And I got to find the answers, it's not a test to exchange clout
I need to find my ground before my balance gives and it wears out
Grinding gears at the expense of wrath can collapse buildings
Work for no progress - that's why heaven is capped by a glass ceiling
Ok my vote is very very hard to make man I stared and read the verses a couple times before I even starting writing this breakdown man it is bugging me out cause I know it sounds not fitted but I feel this has to be battle of the week man and this is hard to judge dudes.... Dammit or the only reason "I liked it JUST a tad bit more like a fucking cunt hair dudes"
V/Brandon cee
Hope his was a good enough breakdown man
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
brandon - beautiful read, the topic it's self is a little played but i like the approach you brought with the song in and i often get into deep thought about stuff like this, im going to have to listen to that song in a minute. but yeah nice flow, almost flawless wording just all around a good drop.
143- hmm...not a fan of this, it's evident you're a good writer from the vocab you selected but i think the words were too long as it made the flow seemed stretched. basic rhyme scheme, i duno this could be good i just wasn't feeling it.
v/bc
Brandon - this piece is absolutely amazing, I think you did well and really painted vivid pictures. I also admired the way in which you tied everything together with internals and metaphors. I am finding it hard to maintain a valid story and keep multies and flow with my topical so this was really captivating for me i've read your pieces before but i like this one best. Can't really point out an flaws. I like the excecution merely because i'm going through a spiritual process so this resonates with my heart. I often find it hard to find substance when reading some of the pieces here but this was near perfection.
143 - okay, let me get right in there and dig in. Obviously you have good vocabulary and I would put you inthe higher echelon of writers in this league along the likes of Tim. Anyways, i feel that as much as this can be your strength it led to your downfall here as you seemed to try too hard just to end up with rhymes some places like ''wasteless prayers'' didn't at all come off well.
on that note, vote; Brandon
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
Brandon, loved your piece. It was clearly well though out, and the flow & was immaculate. Plus the song cameo was dope, haha loved the creativity. Can't really complain about anything in here.
143, not sure who you are but boy you can write. I liked your vocabulary alot, although I think in some instances it worked against you. Although vocabulary is nice to have, sometimes sacrificing the better vocab for the better wording is the smarter choice. With that said, loved the rest of your piece & look forward to reading more.
Vote: Brandon Cee
Well I did not expect that any verse could compete with the gold that 143 dropped, but damn Brandon. Both of your verses were sick, the multis in each were amazing, if anyone knows me, my favorite thing in writing is the rhyme scheme and I value it higher than any other device. 143 your vocabulary was fucking sick and your concept was great. Brandon your story was easier to follow than 143's and I noticed some nice word play in yours, not saying that 143 didn't, but if he did, it went Over my head. So my vote is going to be...
Brandon
Nice work you crazy bastards, from what I've read in round one I think one of you will be in the finals, possible rematch?
infektedpenz
cool reads...
143... i can tell you've written topicals before... you've got a good sense of vocbulary and how to use it to help push the verse in a certain direction... mechanically there's not much to critique, other than a couple lines that the slant rhyme was a bit of a stretch.... otherwise technically everything's fine... content-wise, this was a little too abstract for me... I don't entirely see how it all ties together...
BC... nice. Liked how you started off by carrying the multi for the first few lines, set a good tone... mechanically sound, and the story developed/unfolded nicely... had a good pace to it... though the type of story has been done before (what story hasn't?) they way you did it made it work...
overall, I've got Brandon Cee taking this with a slightly more complete verse (as I see it)...
v/ Brandon Cee
Brandon wins (1-0)
143 loses (0-1) and I personally wanna say props, dope job man.
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Posting Rules
