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Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
check check
"Ready? go! sat where the old cardboard city folk
swap tales with heads like every other penny throw"
4-1 sounds good.
Reign of Fire
Written by Lost Cause
Grief turns to pain, while words seek the other way,
relief burns and sways like ember feeding on a Summer day.
Dreams were never great, I remember the screams vividly,
being hurt and arrayed, injured by every swing hitting me.
They swore that things would change, no more games at night,
shut the door and played it off like remorse made it alright.
Strange how kids always forgave the parents; bruises and all,
blamed the cement to save a marriage, mother's clueless at fault.
Spent most my life smitten, grown on lies and hidden demons,
didn't try to escape them, instead embraced his wicked reasons.
Right or wrong, I thought he'd try to design the man I could be,
but time had gone and robbed me of a life; that chance would seize.
Eighteen years -- buried every memory beneath the seven seas,
blaming fear for staring at a cemetary, I believe he's in Heaven's reach.
Abusive and insecure, the fluids were blackening his every choice,
I knew this and the cure, but he was too sick for fathoming any voice.
Stubborn and afraid, always just another day stripped from my dad,
but no thunderous plain could space the fact he's really all I ever had.
Forgiveness defeats sin, just gotta find it inside,
to witness free men who could've ignited in time.
No sickness beats love, once it rains with desire,
the richest feelings had sprung like a reign of fire.
Branched with half a brain, his chance held back his faith,
planned to crack and maim, he stands with the blackest daze.
Man could ask and wave his hands infront of a masked face,
but damned to that grave, he was maylaid on his last day.
The doctors didn't know that his resistance had given up,
the shocker in this show is his intentions that had lifted us.
Doomed from the start, the truth was hard to bare,
no harpoon would dart the way his spew would bark and scare.
Consumed by hardened air, he knew life's farce wasn't fair,
entombed by his own belief, he'd thrown memories into blooded ware.
Religious through and through, his decisions questioned by most,
repetitions he held onto had suspended messages he wrote.
I think what hurt the least was seeing my heart condition increase,
feeling like a bird right after hunters had ripped apart it's wings.
Unable to fly away, unstable, my mind decays with these final moments,
with nobody to cope with, I'm left alone... defiled... and broken.
Forgiven but not saved, I hold onto the lord,
to witness the lost pain through the golden door.
No demise is mistake, now I'm great and inspired,
the lives we partake only cloud his reign of fire.
Alot Like Love||evoL ekiL tolA
His eyesight was rebellious and reelin' out of focus
Cheek to ocean drift, Bells ringing out "It's Hopeless."
Woe-bent, chewin' granules of sand and salt water,
a sauntered stamina stands despite the call to falter
motor functions stall - a stunned victim drip-dries
tunnel vision takin' in the thickened tree-line at the cliffside.
Attention shift, beach clean save a cavalcade of footprints
stomped impress hints a pathway of foolish imprints
an unruly doubt evaporates unto mountainous thirst
and he ignores the tinge of red tinted in a puddling firth,
dives head first, submerged in crimson stained liquid,
the clouded dilution grew more dense until his head lifted,
let his fingertips feel out his hairline, ambling down
'til a wince hit, an apparent gash found - right side brow
affecting his memory now, the pressure of forgetfulness,
the more he tried to- "Wait..Where am I, What is this?"
Dimensia seizes him, adrenaline sings in an arrogant chorus
and his limbs explode forward into the derelict forest..
Its darkness flourished floral light pattern hatches,
contrast through an axis of thickets and rigid branches.
His struggle grew from hours of cyclical maneuvers
where moving in circles simply couldn't end sooner
at wits end, he took in a point of light and pursued
and threw his body's might forward and pummeled through
downward he flew - straight toward the ocean
and it was evident, this poor sap had fallen again..
His eyesight was rebellious and reelin' out of focus
Cheek to ocean drift, Bells ringing out "It's Hopeless."
Last edited by Malice; June 17th, 2011 at 05:06 PM
"Ready? go! sat where the old cardboard city folk
swap tales with heads like every other penny throw"
Bell - I really liked this muthafucka!!!!! The multies were colorful and the story really hit home. Forgiveness is a major hurdle and more especially if you are self-conscious. The pursuit of self interest and redemption inspires the the well being of self thus manifesting itself on the people surrounding us. The storyline was touchy and evoked alot of emotion which is always good to see in a topical piece. The concept was cool too. I don't have much to critique with this piece. Well done mate.
Malice - reality is the mirror image of delusion. Usually fallcy is a major player in that. This piece was really creative and I enjoyed some of the sarcasm in the read as things unfolded. The storyline might have been short but the message conveyed was concise and I enjoyed flow as usual. Imagery was superior to that of your opponent this time around though.
Bothe writers came with solid diction and the mechanics came to live in both reads. It's really a close battle for me but in the end it boiled down to you nipped it in creativity and for that reason my vote; Malice
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
dagel - pretty polished drop...flowed well for the most part of it. The message in this piece was deep and found this line interesting.found it hard hitting and inspired me to think into it more. felt the emotion in the whole piece.Strange how kids always forgave the parents; bruises and all
malice - This was nice, strong vocab, flowed fairly well and had nice imagery. The story line is nice and how you developed it was nice, i was thinking about using a similar one just didn't know how to execute it. i also like how it ends at the beginning makes me feel like it's just a big circle.
this was a close battle, i think both concepts were good, imagry malice edged but flow dagel edged. i re read this and i think dagels held my attention a little more on second read than malice's. good battle.His eyesight was rebellious and reelin' out of focus
Cheek to ocean drift, Bells ringing out "It's Hopeless."
v/dagel
Dagel: I thought this piece flowed well and the rhyme scheme was pretty good, though I have seen much better from you, to my liking. I liked your vocabulary usage, I felt it was pretty strong, and everything seemed to be worded quite well. Your concept on the other had, I wasn't a big fan of, your piece didn't keep my attention grasped like precious pieces. I had to push myself to read it and read it again, so I found it to be a little less interesting that I would like.
Malice: I quite enjoyed this piece, everything was worded very well. Each line peaked my interest and made me want to read more, even the second time around I had full interest reading through. I felt the vocabulary usage was strong and very well chosen. I thought it flowed quite well, I didn't find it to be choppy in any area. Though, I disliked your rhyme scheme, I only noticed a few multis at the end of the lines, I didn't see any internals or any multis throughout the lines. I felt it was a pretty basic rhyme scheme, and wished it was better. But besides that, I enjoyed te read and thought it was well done.
Vote: For the story I felt more intrigued to read, Malice.
Last edited by trajik; June 19th, 2011 at 01:08 PM
infektedpenz
Dagel- nice inners you hit the story correct and came with great diction you atuck your neck out for the message you wanted to be read across this verse man one o the cleanest pieces I've seen from you in a while man. The flow was choppy but still kept it together it was right on the edge of dragging on here and there but you broke it out and stayed focused with your content and wording.
Malice- nice job man I loved the story and the flow was illy it stayed and stuck I recited this to a beat from the fugues and it was sick clean and polished nicely big ups cause to me this verse has to get some recognition man also te inners and the story and emotion is what I dug nice shot!
For overall polished verse I have malice snaking it
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
Hmmm
Dagel this was an alright piece, although it flowed well i thought it was getting a bit repetitive which made it a little harder to read. The story was on point, you had the anger and emotion on lock down, but i dont know it just kinda lacked. Like it wasn't complete. I was kinda getting the feeling this was more of a rant piece then anything else. So ill take it for that.
Malice: You showed up ready to battle, i was vibing to your piece alot and enjoying it alot. I thought you executed well in the ending and you told a more complete enjoyable story. It wasn't that hard to follow, but also had a little complexity to it.
Vote Malice
The more enjoyable piece for me to read.
Malice wins (4-0)
Dagel loses (3-2)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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