Champ: Token (10-1) vs. Baron P (4-1) [VOTE]

[Brandon Cee]

Rules and Regulations

Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!

[P. Mortuus]

Well good to see you.

[Token]

likewise & good luck!

[P. Mortuus]

The Masks We Wear

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Mr. President
An Insight into the mind of a ‘confident’ orator.

My voice is currency exchanged daily against wordsmiths
when asked to describe poverty I blurt "bliss"
my words worth less than when I first spoke them-
After my last breath which left me choking;
Each year leaches my ink
each peer already quotes what I think;
I reach near but the words cost dear and I float on the brink
missing the comma makes breathing detrimental
each letter menthol;
numb gums and my teeth chattering an instrumental.
Nervousness makes my speech joined like cursive
speaking fast thirsting;
birthing a bastard in furtive
My written voice worthless
and my speech adds to the hurting
so when I ask for change, I didn’t mean your handouts
I’m a beggar for language and want my literature to stand out.

Mrs. Dependant
A Look at the life of a woman left behind.

Broken and chained- the fool’s a token to fame
black skin, black kid- gold chains binding his frame
it wasn’t about the love but the cash
designer gloves leave no marks on his stash
He dropped out of school, what’s the need o’da learnin’
when time is precious-
and pregnant pauses led to money burning.
He didn’t ever see the tears, nah he was long gone
his mama sitting on his bed, singing some old song
old tune that she used to sing to you
but you left without knowing that pain stains through
in the salt wet stains on your ma’s face,
silent and still, she fits the bill of repressed craze
she tries to be brave but Dorothy’s lost without hope
and in the clutch of her craze she can hardly start to cope
there’s vultures here son; they wait for her to fold
but she just hangs there taut-
as your death becomes the rope.

Mr. Undercover
How a Nobody affected by somebody affected many others.

Dust in my hair and my eye teary tearing up- bleary
I can’t see shit- but can hear the bullets nearing; clearly
my weapon hand stings
so I use a syringe sweet ignorance sings
my doubts cleared- till the next time sobriety hits
and my stick house meets the bricks
no kin over here- and let me tell you kid
stones hurt- and words? Just wind.
I miss him though- he’s probably never known me
His Ma was a preacher’s daughter; clever and comely
but that life wasn’t mine- no I was just an undercover
and when it was over- just another black brother
her another single black mother.
I wonder how he is though, I wonder if he’s preaching to
but that was Henry’s life- me I’m just a nobody no one knew
I believe our cause- the President’s words are so sure
I followed him, changed course and now live for war.

[Token]

The Pain Inside
by Token


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As my heart withers away, I recollect the decisions I made
reminiscing the days we'd sit in a daze under that tree sipping gin in the shade
was she worth it? she's destroyed me, but still the question beckons
how I could make her such a priority that she was never anything less than second
what's done is finished, looking back I was blinded by pride
she made me feel so alive, and now she's got me dying inside

http://i51.tinypic.com/2mi5blw.png

Depths of perception reach a peak, as I try to think and speak
breathing weak I grit my teeth 'cause i'm too meek to be critiqued
unique fears progress, buried deep from these years of stress
I disappeared to yield success only to reappear with less
every incident of pain implements a gain of depression
instruments play to the imminent rain cloud that follows my shame in regression
with raging intentions, my sanity spirals into asperity
I barely ever lose my cool I primarily only snap temporarily
remembering events prior, my stress levels ascend higher
time and time again I tend to bind and bend my might to mend fire
exercising my rights to enquire, my mind races grinding it's gears
finding it's clear that i'm cuffed to depression while i'm binded in tears
blinded for years, realization has finally been re-enabled
as I open my eyes to deceit, my life's been a vision of betrayal

Remembering...

Her soft texture on my lips plants a seed of relief
faith breathes new hope as my troubles sink in her sea of belief
honestly she's a thief the way she stole my heart in an instant
hooked from the start I was persistent as she left her mark in the distance
too scarred for resistance, I was addicted and knew it
constricted by cupid, I inhaled her love fog and drifted into it
she's got me in her palm, always there to keep my nerves calm
making the worst of curses dispersed at me feel like a church psalm
she blows me away, her seduction is such a wind of force
that as much as I love sex I desire her even more after intercourse
n' of course my friends say she's bad for me, they don't understand
how another can take me to a new dimension like alice in wonderland
she's got me sprung, her whip cracked n' found nerves
I don't have her wrapped around my finger, my finger's wrapped around her
she's got me stuck in a prison when I endure the slightest touch of friction
but it just takes a puff and that stuff turns reality into just a rush of fiction













































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[trajik]

Baron P: First I'll say the structure of this verse really throws me off because I've always been told to keep the flow tight with close syllables, so reading this, to me, seems off. That said, I liked the rhyme scheme, consistent usage of multis and internals, keeping the flow relatively intact. Decent word choices, interesting concept, it was a nice read.

Token: Nice piece here. Enjoyable rhyme scheme, lots of multis and internals, though not consistent the entire way through. Strong imagery, good emotion in this piece as I find the concept relatable. Flow seemed to be on point the entire read. Good wording and nice vocabulary choices.

Vote: More polished and enjoyable verse:

Token

[Brandon Cee]

Baron, I'm going to firmly disagree with Trajik on the structure, it reads fine to me, but perhaps this is because I understand your writing patterns as I've been around you a lot longer. Regardless, the concept is flames, you dragged me into this piece with idea and I can't stress enough how well constructed this is. I feel the stanzas were cut at the right times, though I also feel some of the lines lacked effort/detail at times as well. The length of your lines was probably my biggest gripe and it's not for the simple fact that they were short...it was because, they seemed to not carry as well as some of the other lines with detail and just felt like a minor hiccup. Overall, it seems you're back on track and I really dug this man, the metaphors for "masks" were great. Good shit man.

Token, when it comes to any type of concept like this - you do it the right way. Yes, the writing was great and the imagery is all there, but you took a concept that has been done and flipped it in a way that made it seem original. Personifying "she/her" as the actual addiction/cigarettes is a great idea and I felt it carried you a step beyond your opponent. This battle is fire conceptually, but I think you had a tad bit more in your piece, as far as detail goes - and that's where the difference is. Style-wise, dead even, concept wise...same thing, but you outwrote him. Simply.

Great matchup you guys, I enjoyed this, maybe more than most. Congrats.

v/Token

[Vinzr]

Baron - The transitions from each part was real nice and smoth and the flow was kept consistent throughout. I liked the concept you went with here, and with it you were able to shape up a very enjoyable piece that kept my attention focused throughout. There really isn't much I disliked about this verse.

Token - Very nice piece here, Token! I really liked what you did with the concepts and brought out and put in a kind of creative edge to the whole piece. Likewise I really liked your concept and there wasn't really much that I disliked.

I thought Baron really brought it here, Token also did as well. I just think Token had a slightly more appealing concept and worked with it better.

v/ Token

[Brandon Cee]

Token wins (11-1)
Baron loses (4-2)

CLOSED