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Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Last edited by 143; August 10th, 2011 at 04:39 AM
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Best Topical Writer: 143
http://i51.tinypic.com/oiroqw.png
The Gift
My eyes closed, diodes beep, signs of my grip still holding
Suspended with reanimation, cellular damming of the eroding
The room share time with the sterility of redemption
Situation critical from the misconceptions of nano infections
Reeking savage conquests to live the life that man was born from
Terra Forma, so the pain invade grounding my face in contortion
Then unraveling to cries of aborting, leaving the body to the hording
Ignorant doctors consorting still on how they miss the early warning
In darkness, the brightest day is still a sililoquy of rabid dreams
Vilifying habitual schemes inducing senility's screams
Illicit it seems at times, the fight of bio chemicals raging
The beeping diodes quicken, death's seminal fluids encasing
Purging through the birth of fire, the feverish attack senselessly
Beeping transform to tones, blurred gibberish increase immensely
Fencing the last hope of being, conveying testaments of deceasing
Omnipotent will instill a cold wave slaying, insurgent's decreasing
Releasing the hold on the tone, body convulses with new birth
Through hurt and pain, reclaimed life sustained, given a new worth
Doctors still confused because man didn't give a miracle
Cynically renaming process, stating recovery was eventual
What has happened was that faith was late on it's shift
In time to evict, marrying my heart and soul to it's new gift....
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Best Topical Writer: 143
Buying Time.
yo,
We're on a short, almost miniscule road to perdition,
but we've been gifted with intelligence, hope, and a vision
to wear out our welcome in this lonely existence
and there's only so much our bodies owe to nutrition.
science and humanity -- a potent collision,
even if atoms in a test tube is your only religion.
listen - each passing years another ode to physicians,
who remastered nature's order when they wrote the prescription.
ibuprofen, omission of reality's pain,
another capsule to pop for every calorie gained.
no limits to the fantasies these tablets contain,
powder-white ropes that keep our cancer restrained.
sat on the plane, anxious, champagne poured in a cup
as if the tension in this shuttle wasn't horrid enough..
the door to our cores is nailed, forcibly shut,
bleeding through the hinges, we're ignoring the cut.
horrible stuff, we can't pronounce the chemical titles
once a race of hunter-gatherers, all bred for survival
then intellectual pursuit began to enter the cycle,
now medicine and destiny will forever be rivals.
synthetic revival - death is evolution's means to an end,
time is off the essence, meds - a means to extend
lives that should be over, folks, read it again.
it's only natural for these diseases to spread.
while we lengthen average lifespan, we're depleting the trend
of rejuvenation, freedom that's decreed for the dead.
i don't need to pretend. i welcome coffins and wakes,
cause overpopulation is the biggest problem we face.
resources, food and energy, the water in lakes,
not enough to sustain these people dodging their fates.
wallets and safes, opened in hopes of staying afloat,
buying time - in exchange for the human race as a whole..
each passing years another ode to physicians,
who remastered nature's order when they wrote the prescription.
http://i54.tinypic.com/n19su8.png
- Black
Last edited by Mr. Black; August 9th, 2011 at 05:06 PM
I'm here to break my own ball and chain..
editing in NAOW
I'm here to break my own ball and chain..
143: This piece has a good vibe to it, lots of multis and internals assisting in a decent flow. Word choice and vocabulary really stands out, my favorite things about the piece, actually. Cool imagery and emotion, overal nice verse.
Cognition: This piece was awesome, I'd have to say the best "preachy" verse of the season. Lots of multis creating a nice flow, I saw internals but I would prefer to see more. Word choice was spot on and there was strong emotion... Great imagery in this piece. I really enjoyed the concept, it didn't stay on one point but evolved through the piece to make a solid point, or moral of the story.
Vote: For the verse I enjoyed more as a concept:
The Black Attack
*looks around, wondering how many people are staring at him for that, also curious if the name catches on*
Last edited by trajik; August 9th, 2011 at 11:24 PM
infektedpenz
Double post.
Vote for The Black Attack
Last edited by trajik; August 9th, 2011 at 11:30 PM
infektedpenz
143.. you had a nice verse, good vocab (even though sometimes over used), solid flow, and nice imagery, overall was a nice piece, you just happened to get outshined by Black's verse in this case.. Black, really was diggin this verse, wording was well done for the most part, had the better spin on this pic that I've read so far, not really how you spun it but how you delivered it I guess, it just fit the picture really well and came together for a interesting read, I'm gonna give it to Black, just got into his verse more, from the content to wording, but 143 still had a nice verse, just not on the same level imo..
VOTE: MR. BLACK
Great work here 143, I liked your piece it had a nice flow, rhyme scheme and you incorporated some nice images throughout. I also liked the concept that you went with. Black, you also produced a good piece which I liked and I thought it was really polished tbh. I kind of liked the concept and approach that you went with more than I liked 143's...but only slightly. I think 143 was unlucky to get matched up with Black this week as I thought Black produced a really well written piece.
v/ Black
Both came pretty good, but Mr. Black seemed to have a better developed piece. 143 did very well with his flow, imagery and use of vocabulary. The vocabulary at times though did seem to be overbearing and in a small sense damaged the overall piece.
Mr. Black was on his game with this piece as he took a different concept compared to everyone else who used this photo. Creatively his piece was solid, and his execution was just as good.
v. Mr Black / Cognition
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Hate to say this was one sided, but it was in black's direction. 143, your piece was good and i was pleasantly surprised to be honest, but black 1 upped you in every category. Black was a tad bit more creative with his topic and that's what won his piece over for me. 143, u had a good flow and a cohesive story but like i said, it just wasnt up to par with blacks. i enjoyed both reads though.
v/ black
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
143: Watching you develop each week has been pretty cool, because you seem to always get a notch better in some aspects. I felt like your structure was better than usual. I wanna make sure I word this right... I really dig your vocab most of the time, but I feel like sometimes you overdo it with words that don't quite flow off the tongue enough to make it a natural feel. Even though your word choices make sense and ARE natural, they come off as the opposite in some cases. Please don't stop using unique vocab, maybe just be sure it flows right.
Black: Damn. Absolutely brilliant. Loved your wording, it was smooth to a T and I was captivated from the beginning all the way to the end. Your concept was spot on, and I loved the content. Nothing to complain about here, I'm impressed. Oveall, just another level here. 143 came good, but black's verse was top notch this week.
Vote: Black
vote = Black
why???
- this portion alone won it for him in my opinionWe're on a short, almost miniscule road to perdition,
but we've been gifted with intelligence, hope, and a vision
to wear out our welcome in this lonely existence
and there's only so much our bodies owe to nutrition.
science and humanity -- a potent collision,
even if atoms in a test tube is your only religion.
listen - each passing years another ode to physicians,
who remastered nature's order when they wrote the prescription.
great fucking wordplay and imagery...nice flow, creative...very creative....what more can i say...in awe...
143's was good...nice vocab in there...flow skipped a few times. but aoverall good drop...i like how he slipped other people concpets and made it like a surgery type deal....i think the vocab killed your depth and imagery...but TOO many big words are never a good thing...
The Birth Of Creation
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Storyteller | Cr@$h | JMS | Meth | Celph Taut | Messiah | Bstill | Fatal
Blacketh wins (7-6)
143 (6-7)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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