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Thread: "Humaliens"

  1. #1
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    "Humaliens"

    Humaliens
    Written by your Father





    A crowd, from a planet..






    round, from which they lived in.. found us in the distance
    profound of our existence.. now thousands were enlisted
    to touch down was the mission.. hearing sounds of demolition
    jumped out of the collision.. so astounded of our livin
    they've made inventions to search.. our complexion since birth
    leaving a ever-lasting ripple effect, on their reflection of Earth
    the lessons were worth.. the value of a different knowledge
    convinced the instant they visioned no gimmiks n trick robotics
    yet kids in college.. had book smarts from kindles
    so when faced with a problem? they just look off n whistle
    noticed our communications were becoming extinct
    unless money, deceit.. weapons sellin drugs in the streets
    it was a hungry disease.. so abrubtly, some were obese
    heart strung out, when others played too much wit their strings
    these "Aliens" had enough of these things.. now were committed
    to use our powers in their power to devour the sinnin'..
    now cowards were timid.. but limits were now their decision
    so reached out and found the power to come out n admit it
    their presence was felt.. through the news, seven to twelve..
    mourning, leading.. to stories reading,
    "is the origin of these extra terrestrials, heaven or hell?"..
    so humans and aliens, joined forces in hand
    equal, as their extra tall frames were nothin short of a man





    broke down the language barrier through audibled talks
    as their minds worked as one.. but had multiple thoughts
    children soon forgot about the man on the cross bleeding
    started cross-breeding, n seemingly everything lost meaning
    that ecstasy is.. now this new species, genetically mixed
    unaware of their memory, tendecies.. mentally n medically risked
    they had dark roots, but skin tone was opposite in comparison
    unaware of their indentity.. so they got to visit therapists
    some humans were moven, like "Houston? we have a problem"
    searchin for spacecrafts, it'd take more then a map to stop em
    knew they'd be tempted by the apple,
    the question was unraveled.. the ship was stashed in Gotham!
    they packed it up and blasted.. faster then a match stick
    askin how they'd land it.. asses draggin on the granite
    as they landed on their planet.. like they were off to be deported
    scared of the new species that was too strong to be aborted
    for most it was hard to understand it.. some demanded
    paniced, over-reacted.. so the earth, some abandoned
    some thought it was out-landish.. n were the ones the maddest
    aliens only alienated, becuase they came from another planet
    soon sides would form.. which would align, to confine a war
    riots of tyrants wit knives n swords.. that strike with force


    would this slight divorce.. turn into a cried remorse?...


    the first clan, had the blackest knight on the whitest horse
    they fought for Humalien Rights.. and their life of course
    the second reppin of three, were known as homosapiens
    who own no alias.. and anxiously hope to ghost those aliens
    leading us to the last crew, who looked bred from some incest
    with egos to match the size of the heads on their slim necks
    Aliens were smarter, but fighting on the home field of the humans
    while the appeal of humaliens were used to be conceled in illusion
    these fronts only lasted so long.. cuz as the seasons changed
    these family trees have aged.. leaves contained
    fallin tear drops that hit the beatin graves.. that've seen the rains
    claiming bad blood will be silenced.. for those who speak in vein
    so after summers and winters.. each species' numbers have withered
    as they were hungry for war, tasted victory.. n still hunted for dinner





    on this once lovely planet, beauty explored the horizons
    til the sources of violence, accordin to science.. formed an alliance
    openin the door for these giants.. wit hearts, born for a lion..
    ruling the world as king of the hill that was fortressed in Zion
    so once the smoke cleared, and the dust settled in the ashes
    these alien rebels got a meddle.. and the devil gets his mansion
    these last two extra terrestrials, were the new Adam n Eve
    n the first thing they went grabbin to eat.. was crispy black in the tree
    famished n weak.. they have to rise from the ashes in Phoenix
    startin from A-Z.. wit no tellin what they might manage to bring it





    meanwhile, the part of man-kind who found the only spaceship
    roamed as the only known, so noticed their new home seemed spacious
    yet hard to make any sense of it.. as their eyes n ears aren't from here
    forcing them to become even more then just pioneers n frontiers
    what once used to rule this land.. are past as dead policies
    so their fighting for a chance to advance as far as the technology
    n those that didnt have connections.. isn't livin past progression
    humaliens had the best of both worlds, but didn't have a heaven




    0001 A.D/B.C

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Trajik Viewz Str8 JackIt's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    RTTF nikkuh:
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...632/index.html

    round, from which they lived in.. found us in the distance
    profound of our existence.. now thousands were enlisted
    to touch down was the mission.. hearing sounds of demolition
    jumped out of the collision.. so astounded of our livin
    -really good, well worded opener, the bold should've been replaced with a comma.... the ".." hold a longer pause IMO

    now cowards were timid.. but limits were now their decision
    so reached out and found the power to come out n admit it
    their presence was felt.. through the news, seven to twelve..
    mourning, leading.. to stories reading,
    "is the origin of these extra terrestrials, heaven or hell?"..
    good flow....emotion, imagery....so far the piece has been consistenet with all 3

    broke down the language barrier through audibled talks
    as their minds worked as one.. but had multiple thoughts
    children soon forgot about the man on the cross bleeding
    started cross-breeding, n seemingly everything lost meaning
    that ecstasy is.. now this new species, genetically mixed
    unaware of their memory, tendecies.. mentally n medically risked
    -BAM like the fat dude on the cooking show

    the first clan, had the blackest knight on the whitest horse
    they fought for Humalien Rights.. and their life of course
    the second reppin of three, were known as homosapiens
    who own no alias.. and anxiously hope to ghost those aliens
    - now this IS a topical

    n this once lovely planet, beauty explored the horizons
    til the sources of violence, accordin to science.. formed an alliance
    openin the door for these giants.. wit hearts, born for a lion..
    ruling the world as king of the hill that was fortressed in Zion
    damn bruh.......lol.....shit hot man

    HOF worthy IMO indeed....the story alone is compelling, the grammar involved is astounding in all the quoted and the areas i didn't as well....overall...

    "Two Thumbs Up"
    Eubert & Ropert

    The Birth Of Creation

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    Storyteller | Cr@$h | JMS | Meth | Celph Taut | Messiah | Bstill | Fatal

  4. #4
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    ^Good lookin out Beta..

  5. #5
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    lookin for some more feedback, gonna hit some pieces up later, no one seems to return feed around here though smh aha.. leave links and I'll rtf, lets gooooo..

  6. #6
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    I'm not sleeping On you gwapenheimer, I'll edit in feed tonight or tomorrow. I look forward to reading it!



    Wow Gwap!
    The story telling in this was phenomenal, I'm confused on a few points, or a major point, but I blame my ADD, so that's my short coming not yours. Now since it's me I will start with... The rhyme scheme of these piece was very impressive for you Gwap, tons of multis and internals without sacrificing your details. A nice flow to the piece allowed for a smooth read, also, your word choices are very well done, vocabulary strength is very good for what I've read in your past pieces. The imagery in this piece was dandy. Okay so I only used that word because you made fun of me for using it in one of my pieces. Seriously though, imagery here was quite vivid, like reading a picture book! The concept was very creative and as far as I know, very unique and original. Oh right, the word play. There was a plethora of word play in this piece and it was stellar. This piece hooked me from the get go and was compelling the entire way through, and I mean that.. Because if it wasn't, there's no way in he'll would I be able to finish reading it, soo long. But it flowed right through, interesting read and it didn't read slow. Phenomenal job here Gwap! I too think this should be nominated.
    Last edited by trajik; October 1st, 2011 at 06:42 PM
    infektedpenz


  7. #7
    Newbie MIBS1313's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    shit hot bra

  8. #8

    Re: "Humaliens"

    dope rhyme scheme the opener was sickkkk .. this is the exact rhyme scheme i use for my audio songs i like the multiple rhyming too , sick stuff man .. Nice topic too .. 8/10.



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  9. #9
    Express'on is EVERYTHING Express'on's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    This was def. up and down for me I think in each one of your stanzas you really lose focus near the middle, not necessarily of the storyline, just some of ur description gets rushed in an attempt to push the storyline along. Its not bad or anything the down Im talking about isnt terrible but for lack of a better word...not as great as the other section...My favorite was really how u started the second stanza..I mean the first like 4-5 bars were ridiculous...some absolute gems, imagery, rhyme scheme, mechanics, shit everything...lol I will give if I have time a line for line later but this is def. a nice piece and also the pictures were spot on and the wording especially the "ripple" line was dope...good stuff man...
    "the ink of a scholar, is worth a thousand times more, than the blood of a martyr"--lupe fiasco
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  10. #10

    Re: "Humaliens"

    I don't know, Gwap, I think this is one of my favorite rhymes that I've seen from you thus far. You came in with a purpose, had a goal set in mind, and illustrated exactly what you wanted to present here, with pictures and words that actually made me feel like I was there when this all happened. The flow was incredible, truly amazing vocabulary. I think you did a really good job with this peice. Very nice read. Keep rappin.

  11. #11
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    Thanks guys, I've hit up a few of your guys' stuff, I'll get at the others through out the day..

  12. #12
    Cosa Nostra The Gwapfather's Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    Quit being lazy rb! haha.. I'm gonna get at some more shit later tonight..

  13. #13
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    This was dope man,i was really feeling the imagery and that was great flow,.great scenery in the aswell and nice metophors happening.. overall 9/10 man i liked it

  14. #14
    You've Earned a Custom Title! .Nell.'s Avatar
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    took me awhile to read, long as fuck lol, good multis, think you put to much into one drop tbh, with all the verse for each picture, i think you should of put all you effort in to one picture and pushed yourself to make one super drop instead of a long one, but this was aight for what it was though.

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    help a fellow rapper out? and make his day by clicking the 'Like' button on his page. Thanks - Nell

  15. #15
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    Re: "Humaliens"

    Quote Originally Posted by .Nell. View Post
    took me awhile to read, long as fuck lol, good multis, think you put to much into one drop tbh, with all the verse for each picture, i think you should of put all you effort in to one picture and pushed yourself to make one super drop instead of a long one, but this was aight for what it was though.
    Hmm If You Reckon LMFAO

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