hummingbirds

[Neruda II]

there is a gesture of love
that i cannot deny for you.


i want to build you a church.


to find god for you-
in the bare bricks
and black sands of El Salvador.


there is sweat imprisoned
in the ocean you moved for me-
there is sweat boiling in my chest,
back and arms,
begging to bathe through the flash of daylight
that hums in your halo.
there is sweat in the bloodstream
you rumble against-
sweetest hummingbird.
there is sweat-
waiting to show you sincerity
in it's escape.


my smile is a promise of effort-
one day, i want to fill your eyes with pride.
that's one day far away, but for now
i am poor in everything but letters
and desires. oh and of course,
there is a mango.
the mango in my mouth
that swells with the flavor
of your thighs and pantings,
your lulled storms of laughter and
storied scars,
the bells of your chest
and the faith-filled bass in your conviction.
a mango,
rolling in my voice-
humming to melody of your daylight halo.


also,
there are walls
we haven't pushed ourselves against yet.
ceilings we havent jumped
high enough to sweep with the cliffs
of our fingers.
kisses we haven't dug deep enough
to lose ourselves in
like far reaching caves.


there is a church
i am building for you-
a church near the ocean you moved
where one day
i will be waiting for you to return
and overtake the sky
like a hundred thousand hummingbirds.

[Spoken Deity]

I'm on my phone, so excuse spelling, grammar and the length.

I loved the theological language, haha. It's my thing. This poem seemed less 'realist' than other things I've read from you recently. That said, the metaphors weren't abstract, but rang true as meaningful with everyone.
Despite how personal the language is, and even personal the concepts are, the reader could either 'understand' or at least feel them.
I'll be honest and say there were stanzas I didn't understand, but felt.... But i can still interpret them intellectually and pick up on the imagination of the writing, consistency of style, and the intricacies of the narrative voice.

Fun stuff. Thanks much

[Jon]

THis is more or less my favorite type of poetry.

I liked your repetition as it tied into the ending, as well as the down-to-earth tone I recieved. the language was incredible, and probably your biggest strong point - the words you used just seemed to fall right into place and it read very smooth. nice poem here, i enjoyed it.

[Madbeats]

Beautiful

[Nika Subin]

This is just mad insane. I'm pretty sure if you walked up to a woman at a bar, and just started spouting this, you'd get sucked off by every woman in the establishment. And some men.

I like it's no BS style. Every word carries weight, and all that weight a matter of love. And all that love a clear image. An image you've painted that, if not for your painting, I would never have had in my psyche. I don't spend time thinking about Salvadorian churches, this is something you've introduced to me.

Everything else, what can be said? You illicit emotions and senses by the buttload. You're mango metaphor, for example. Incredibley sweet, sexy, and executed in a manner that left no room for error. Then there are the ideas you add further... things that have YET to be done. It's that verse there that, if women's pants are dropped off yet, they should be by then.

You roll it all together, you bring it back to the church. You make it something... more than just sweet, more than sexy, more than anything... beautiful. Won't lie, that's a wonderful way to phrase it. Perhaps though... pure, would be another word.

Ending it with the hummbingbird line was like, an poetical orgasmic release to the whole thing. At just the right pace with just the right words. This is a piece others aspire towards.

[abiona]

my smile is a promise of effort-
one day, i want to fill your eyes with pride.
that's one day far away, but for now
i am poor in everything but letters
and desires.

Gorgeous. Humble, honest, and beautiful in its' simplicity. You don't write bullshit poetry and that makes your work such a treasure.

Glad to read you again.