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Thread: Ode to the Pacific

  1. #1
    Soule
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    Ode to the Pacific

    Ode to the Pacific
    A Tale by Johnny Irish


    "I remember a period in time; a life setting decision was made, to move along the coast. From the humid summers of Illinois, to the drenching winters of Oregon. Away from green grass and fresh air, smack into the middle of the sea. Digging my toes for the first time beneath sand; eyes gazing across open water. From a distance, it reflected the sky, like God put a mirror on Earth's surface. Gray clouds and rain that resembled static, as if the scenery was of classic venue."




    Spent days in and nights out,
    amazed by that ocean breeze.
    Buried myself in graves on the beach,
    skipped rocks across the sea.
    Too afraid of the waves,
    or the creatures hiding beneath.
    Five years too young
    to swim in such dangers alone.
    Warned of the tides,
    and temperatures that freeze one's bones.
    Tip-toe about ankle high;
    before I realise it's as cold as ice,
    and best to head home.
    Someday I'll be strong enough,
    I'll sit in Trident's throne...
    and rule that Pacific ocean.



    I've read tales of beasts,
    ferocious and a hundred feet.
    Some with tentacles,
    others with rows of razor-sharp teeth.
    Sharks, squids, whales and more,
    unknown titans along the ocean floor.
    Fish with light, seahorses that dance,
    breathing jelly stranded on the shore.
    I've heard of monsters,
    that attack ships and swimmers.
    Eat children like a side meal for dinner.
    Lurking in the darkness,
    waiting for that right time to strike.
    A surfer rides a wave,
    and finds himself engulfed in a single bite.
    I'm old enough to understand,
    the difference between truth and myth.
    Even if those stories I've heard,
    gave me the imagination of a poet.
    I'd swim late at night,
    and pretend to ride a dolphin.
    Dive down with the fish,
    and come up without a problem.
    A mermaid of sorts in the marine life,
    a place so perfect, just the pacific and I.



    Now I sit here, a guardian of the sea,
    knowing my ocean will be there in the morning.
    Last edited by Soule; July 25th, 2011 at 01:42 AM

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    Bump.

  3. #3
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    This was straight. I liked your rhyming, it added a little flavor. Your wording was off, quite a bit however... It seemed like you didn't revise this at all. From what I read, it was a straight-forward poem; at firrst I thought there may have been a hidden metaphor but in the end there wasn't one.. That clicked, at least.

    But, I will say I liked it. It was easy to read, and enjoyable. The begining was fresh, and the pictures were great. Overall this was pretty good. I hope to see you dropping more.
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  4. #4
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    I think it's dope man!

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  5. #5
    Soule
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    I figured Ode poems were meant to be straight from the heart, so I didn't see much reason to revise. But I appreciate the love Jon.

    And thanks bud.

  6. #6
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    This was entertaining! Perfect word for it. The pictures were a great choice and it left me captivated by preference. The rhyme scheme would have been cool, if it was worded slightly better, but I feel that the rhyme scheme actually held back the potential of this piece. Could have used even more in depth description and imagery, but I think the rhyming sort of hindered that from happening. Not saying it was bad, but I think it would have been better. Had mad potential. Still a great read, i'm glad I clicked the thread.

  7. #7
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    ok ryming an flow. Could of used better words but stil ok.Keep writing

  8. #8
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    so between the words and the pictures i thought of james and the giant peach. or even the movie big fish. just a grand imagination. simple and sweet. i liked this alot and the pictures made me happy.

  9. #9
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    Mate are you Pisces, Scorpio or Cancer? I've noticed how you like to write about the sea. This was actually a cool topic. Mixed a bit of reality and fiction as fart as I'm concerned. I really liked how it came out in it's rareness. Very simplistic and straightforward which is always overlooked. The ending was subtle just like the rest of it. An ode indeed. It's time we appreciate poems for what they are rather than wanting to see more abstractness etc. I mean this isn't a league but just a drop.

    Well done mate. Keep coming, we need to do a whole collaboration with maybe III parts on some sort of mythology. What do yo think, Jon or HSB to be the third member?
    Last edited by Soul Slayer; August 4th, 2011 at 08:08 AM

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  10. #10
    Soule
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    Re: Ode to the Pacific

    jon for sure and greek/roman mythology is my specialty. also, i`m an aquerius lad. i grew up on the beach. thanks a lot for the feed. just pm us for the collab.

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