Another freestyle (FeedBack please)

[dUrAsTiK]

My life is full of homicide
I have no rules to obide
I am a gun slinging, human being
I have never been shot up
I have never lost a fight
Nigga my skill's
make me down right ill
Niggas that started shit, Became shit
If they didn't back down
They got shot down

My lyrical skills are explicit
My mind is intensivly implicit
To me, you put up no competition

My bullet has a sharp penetration
Shoot's intensive pain through your body
You start to feel woosy
Till i give you another shot
Your chest is what it caught
You dropped you dead
Nothing to worry - no one will remember you
No one ever cared about you

Its about time you relize
That i am all idealize
You talkin shit to me
What you tellin me - i have no punches

Nigga i will put a whole in any head
Fuck a girl in any bed
So you better watch out, your head is next
And for ya girl, she wants to be my next.

[SinfiC]

your rhyme sheme was tight but you might want to try making your lines longer, I don't really like the fact your talkin' bout shootin' and shit, we've heard it all before. Some of your lines didn't go with the rest of the piece either, but if you work on that, and keep practicing it'll come out nice. Try writtin about a different subject we could all relate to. Keep writtin....!

[dUrAsTiK]

Ight, thanx............................................. .................................................. .................................................. ............

[C_Lo]

wud up, aiight we just had a battle so i know u can rhyme, i thought this wasnt bad.... the rhyme is nice, but work on length in lines and depth,,, lil work on that and u would have a tight verse, keep writin..... mayb try another subject...... keep elevatin! hollllaaaa

[Mimesis.]

this was hella weak.........ur structure was basic..........vocab was ok............no multis..........rhyme shceme was good.........no punchlines..........overall this was a pretty basic open mic........keep postin and elevatin holmes.........

[Vis]

what can I say.. this was fucking garbage
your 14 and talk big gangsta shit, I'd fuck u up...
The only good thing about this was structure
U forced hella line when u tried to make ur vocab bigger
I dont think u know what half those words mean.

[dUrAsTiK]

Loco your so fuckin stupid. I aint no fake rapper. You's da fake ass, you more like girly poetry. ight so stfu befor you get fucked yup.