Poetry Low

[Smooth JT]

My minds off, set in another land,

can't think straight or even concentrate,

clouded mind fog rolling in deep

navagating slowly well I don't sink,

education seems pointless so I stop trying,

maybe losing my spark, or my flames just dieng,

this is what we call a poetry low,

writers block is cutting up my flow,

my babys on my mind, won't let it leave,

my other worlds dieing and won't let me leave,

life is "frozen" in time and so are my words,

sitting here as my vision starts to blure,

drifting off as my world adhers,

this simple life filled with complexity,

stuck here like I have full mentle immortallity,

day after day it's the same old thing,

day to night night to cold day,

at times I wish it would all go away,

lost my will to work, but not my will to love,

love has it's ways to keep this boy sane,

me and my baby stay outta this pain,

getting back up nice and slow,

this is a way out of a poetry low..

[Smooth JT]

don't sleep ppl, any comentary?

[DthsMissingAngel]

Sounds like somethin we're both goin through together baby. Nice job on this. I liked it. U got ur feelings and emotions out, i could tell that. Good imagery as well. Overall, great job. Just member, in the end, everything works out. Much love and respect.

[Neruda II]

I dont think i understood it right but this (to me) seemed like a poem about writers block. Not so much about other issues. If it is, then ive been there, lost of inspiration, feel like writing but dont know what to really write about....i getcha....

Now for the technical stuff...Some imagery was in the piece, but not much, i dont think it was very needed in this type of poem though. The structure was strange, kinda confused me but i was still interested and it wasnt too long. Rhyme scheme was off beat but not annoying or bad in anyway i could think of. I kinda liked the rhyme scheme. Feelings were mixed between boredom, lonliness, sadness, frustration, and confusion. Thats what feelings i got out of it. Vocab was simple, not very new words, nothing that i'd be surprised to see in a poem. pretty good poem, everything was good, nothing seemed to be particularely bad....alright pieace, enjoyable and a good read. I think you need more elavation to really become an elite writer. Consider broadening you vocab and gettin the technical stuff down, write with more emotion. For some reason i dont think that creating concepts to write about would be a problem since you have an original piece here. aight, keep elavating man.