User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: some ol' otha shit

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ThatBoiQ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Oakland Califooya
    Age
    39
    Posts
    58

    some ol' otha shit

    Muthafuckas be talkin shit runnin they mouths
    Until a nigga like me put a gun in they mouths
    run up in my enemies crib, pull that thang out
    and show these amateur ass wanksta's what shit is about
    I got a chick named beretta, known for gettin sweaters wetter than pussy
    and trust me she can be pushy
    Got one named nina that can come between ya, lean ya like pisa max out ya visa, please ya with her lips tantalize ya with her hips, crunch you up like chips and then she spits.
    Hot shit, hotter than lava make ya body feel like ice and heavy like logs have you sleepin with the frogs, sniffed out by dogs, ya'll niggas know the laws of the ghetto, broads steppin around in stellettos.
    I play heavy metal but in know way do I mean guitars, and I spit Paydays, by that I mean Bars.
    But it's time to leave work so I gotta end it, critique my shit, is it bad or splendid.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    From the soil where them rappers be gettin they lingo from

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ThatBoiQ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Oakland Califooya
    Age
    39
    Posts
    58
    C'mon now... I wanna get some feedback. lemme know what I need to work on.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    From the soil where them rappers be gettin they lingo from

  3. #3
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    it ain't that bad, but it ain't splendid either. i think all you're trying to do was rhyme.
    nothins wrong with that tho. so good job in that sense. the vocab could use
    sum work. the topic needs sum advancement. the multies were nice, but like i
    said, all u were trying to do is rhyme so it'd be sad if they weren't. at least you had
    fun. keep it up. its only ur 6 post, i'll be on the look out for more.
    hit mines up~thanx

    pz

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    This was alright here....structure could be fixed up a bit though...some of your lines were stretched out....try keeping them around the same length so it helps support the flow in your pieces.....Vocab could be up'd.....you had some alright multies in this...but keep at it.

  5. #5
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    N.E.England
    Posts
    8,020
    Battle Record
    34-10
    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    ^^ its a record, it took credz 2 minutes to read n reply...lol... i wasnt feeling this you need to work on ya scheme far to basic.... also the transition needs ironed out.... but some of the content was ok..... keep at it... work on the scheme.....
    ......take a look at time in return...k...
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ThatBoiQ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Oakland Califooya
    Age
    39
    Posts
    58
    Thanx for the feeds. Respect for the realness of them all.

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
    From the soil where them rappers be gettin they lingo from

Similar Threads

  1. Otha Side Of Me
    By DaProfit in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: October 24th, 2005, 06:45 AM
  2. The Otha Man
    By ~*c0c0amam1*~ in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: August 19th, 2005, 08:22 PM
  3. some Otha shit
    By Whitelightning in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: August 14th, 2003, 09:31 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •