Yeah this peice really had a lot of meaning.
You used some really nice imagery that told a compelling story
I really like the outro in the peice especially the heavens door bar
but you had really solid multies all the way through well still not sacrificing meaning for words.
As alwasy Ace your consistent and this is definetly up to your standard
my quesiton is what is the story behind writing this is any?
ps. i also liked the structure and how it could be poem or a song
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I fucking jsut wrote a reply but my comp fucked up
Whta it said is that
this is an very emotional piece with very consistent well made structure
I really like youyr outro and the heavens door bar.(good multie) i also like the new charts bar.
Very solid piece
You had reallly good imagery and told a pretty compelling story.
what if any is the sotry behind the piece concercing your girl?
i jsut wondered that lol
As alwasy ace you drop solid stuff keep going
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oh sorry im retarted though it dindt send hahahahaha sorry for freepost jsut dont wanna look stupid though its too late
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haha, yo its cool man. and yea, there really is a story behind this. i wrote this for my girl. like a lot of other people mentioned in this thread, they made their girls cry a few times. well personally, i made my girl cry so much times it makes me cry. lol. its the truth. and i never feel like my apologies help at all either. so in this song i express how sorry i am in the best way that i can and know how to. along with that, i tell her how much i believe in our love and how far we will go and how much i love her. i think that about sums this up. im glad you liked this though. i appreciate it man. stay coo.
peACE
Damn man, very nice piece...
Flow was perfect - best thing about your piece.
Easy to read and understand which was also really good.
It was very emotional.
Imagery was there too.
It was really dope... Keep it up man....
9/10
^thanks man. i'm hoping to get this on the top ten of this month. =)
this was nothing more than a exceptional drop...had you hangin for a sec didn't I, from beginning to end it was great, had complexity in the wordplay, and I loved the flow that this piece kept through out, not to mention the topic was something everyone should be able to relate to, had good meaning, thanx for the reply on my drop....keep uppin and I'll keep readin for sure....got me hooked G...
I made her cry today, it broke my heart in two halves
The very first time my perfection had fell into cracks
Compelled a new draft that imprinted a note to my soul
It was the same day that I felt my hope wouldn’t grow
Fav line had to be the beginning, just a strong opening and the rest followed suit..
One!!
^thanks man i appreciate it. cmon peepz drop feed, especially if i left some on yours. drop links and i'll hit yours up. im showing this to my girl today.
Originally Posted by ILLunatic
couldnt agree more with ILL here man.....u came dope and that opener was off the hook.....ur emotion like ILL sed was strong and deep......Vocab was good and flow was flowing all the way thru i also like the concept nice piece man now bk 2 my command mission lol
ILL summed it up really nice drop
Very deep piece and a lot of emotion was released. Vocabulary was nice and it was a good read. An overall nice piece, keep it up.
The Takeover
^lol. for some reason your feedback sounded like a rap. thanks a lot peepz^^
^^Rofl....just reread it and it kind of does...haha...pretty cool coincidence.
The Takeover
this peice was without a doubt ExcellenT! the emotion in this peice stood out very very well, and it kept the reader wanting to hear more and more and it ended extremely perfect.....the structure was great....it never dragged on or made me think 'is this gonna end anytime soon'......the word usage was right on point, it has all the right words in all te right places....
from a girls stand point.... if/when you show this to yah girl she should be able to feel as though what ou have written is absolutely true.... that your so sorry for what you have done and that you realize that it is wrong....it should also prove that even though you make mistakes you truely love her with all your heart...
......this was an excellent peice....well done
........fave part.......
I vowed to never hurt you, but those words fell through
As I held you to tell you to compel truth before I felt you
But in return, I burned the concern about my passion
I had you cry for the lies and times I felt dissatisfaction
In fractions, I broke our hearts into pieces with each
I'm displeased to beseech the times we reached defeat
But here they are, the parts of our heart that fell apart
And even after the shards, our love was forever,
from the start…
^i love how that started the whole thing because its an attention grabber
keep droppin
return tha favor
....bless
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Thanks i appreciate it a lot^. does this have what it takes to be nominated?
Pretty good piece man.. could definately feel the emotion put into the writing.. Flow was smooth, never went off, definately good man.. Multi`s were plentiful and helped the flow.. Alot of good lines and you expressed the emotion clearly.. I loved how you opened up the second verse w/ "I made her cry today.."; That`s great.. Chorus was good and the intro and outro were both very strong.. good job on this man, keep dropping.
But for her sake, I kept it all a secret and didn’t tell you
Crying deeply inside because I emotionally felt bruised
I was compelled too, but didn’t and I hate myself for it
I regret these moments but I’m relieved you explored it
And so I sorted the imports of thorns that I capsized in
I trapped lies in but now let go of the pain I applied with
^^ My favorite lines.. great flow, multi`s, good job.
Check This -- > http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=127898 , appreciate it.
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