User Tag List

Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Showing results 1 to 15 of 18

Thread: " The Picture " ( Topic Battle Verse )

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16

    " The Picture " ( Topic Battle Verse )

    ( The whole point of this, is to write something about the picture. To be extremly deep and creative with what you write. It helps expand your mind and create better topics... Just read and find out for yourself, you will enjoy this, )




    http://ccins.camosun.bc.ca/~jbritton/stars.jpg




    ~ The Creators Thoughts ~

    ( God )

    Hatred Left so distant, as Love pressed with eternal persistance
    Havoc left unknown, A presesnt state were death is a mear infant
    This universe holds a difference, Were shapes are not objects but emotion
    Devotion left in creation, causing beuty to spread through the open
    Oceans known as space, Continuos growth to the lacking of herbicides
    So roots sprout to trees, stems creating leaves accepted and certified
    Its a fertilized and fluorished forest, Held together with slumberous sounds
    A chorus with shapes as planets, and details hold no weight nor compounds
    Here speech freely floats, with a mass production of meaningful quotes
    Travel at its maximum, as matter and emtiness continuously seem to elope...

    ~ The Societies Beliefs ~

    ( The people )

    Where one standing culture, and our pride multiplies along with understanding
    High and mighty were standing, as god prepared our departure and landing
    Our induction was free, a revolution of a positive position God was granting
    That the past, and at this present day he holds the promise of no demanding
    Were provided with tectonic planets, and defences of great walls of granite
    Unconditional love and eternal knowledge,so if a problem comes we can pan-it
    Sites holding instanst holistic inflation, creating cycle of postitive motivation
    Rotation passing all beliefs, Overseeing the past to proclaim a new generation...

    ~ The Outsiders ~

    ( The Two Visitors )

    A diffrent species we are, but they dont monger and create a stereotypicle reputation
    instead they took us in there thresh hold, honored as visitors with appriciation
    For not being blatant of there demension, or disrespecting the culture and inventions
    Of a freely spoken community of planets, welcomed to bond with best of intentions
    There against the malefic,and refract there thoughts as beliefs knowing there not realistic
    This is a universe of perfection, to others this aspect of life is known as balistic
    But this is our new station, new home that incourages space to everyones voids
    It escalates our happyness, and we'll live and die here knowing this as our convoy...

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    - Replied Open Mics -
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...14#post1266614
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119934

    - Replied To and Need Favors returned please -
    Mag - Thanks alot Mag
    Dev - Thanks Dev
    Sarcasm - Thanks for checking it for me...
    Freeman - Thanks Free, favor has been returned...
    Emotion - Thanks motion
    Last edited by High Class; March 17th, 2004 at 11:08 PM

  3. #3
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    N.E.England
    Posts
    8,020
    Battle Record
    34-10
    Awards OM WOTM SS HOF SS HW Champion OM HOF 25+ Wins
    well then.... first thing is i liked you scheme,,, you ha a nice balance there, with smooth transitions,, mostly... there was one rhyme that felt bit forced, but thats fuck all.... concept wise i also liked it... liked the idea of the 3 verses, some quite meaningful shit here.... your vocab was on point, but i read that many.... everyone seems to use the same group of words nowadays, well mainly..... but yeah i really liked this.... i thought the first verse was the best, butthe all followed suit nicely..... good work.... wasny keen on the rhyme where you used standing 3 times, well thereabouts, jus in a different tense....
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ^ Thank you for the returned favor and good opinion, thx... ^


    UPPIN, this is nice so please read...

  5. #5
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,918
    Battle Record
    13-3
    Ok,lets start off with the bad and work our way through..
    Ok when I first read it..the first verse..
    The flow threw me off..you went a syllable to much a couple of lines..
    Cut down on the large vocab..its sometimes sacrifices content..
    hhhhmmmmmmm..not much else to say that was bad..

    On to the good...ok...by the way..that picture was dope whoever found it..
    The imagry was fucking dope..such creativity was put in this..
    It was a great transition through the 3 verses..
    It almost as if you went down in standards..
    First you go from God, then to the people..then to outsiders..
    Just very nicely done..
    You did put alot of emotion into this..
    The quality was very nice here..

    Ok, so work on the flow, don't force, cut down bar lengths somewhat..
    Only advice I have for you..not much else to say..
    Lots of potential..nice piece..
    WordPerfect

  6. #6
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    2,700
    Battle Record
    4-1
    im not sure it matters about going over a couple of syllables a couple of times... as long as you keep the flow in your head correctly whilst spitting... doesn't need to be a perfect science... i dug this overall... it was very quiet and slow feeling.. kinda introspective... i checked the pic first... and im wondering how i would've felt if i had not..

    well the multis were average... the vocab was above average... the structure was above average... and overall the piece was above average...

    keep it up...
    Hence Forward

  7. #7
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ^ Thank you soo much you 2... That means alot hearing that from other good writers, thank you for checking it out, and I will return favors... So if you need one, just ask please... ^

  8. #8
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Home
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,767
    Battle Record
    44-6
    Damn, that was really dope. all 3 of them. my fav is prolly first. I rally liked the flow in that one considering it was filled wit inner rhymes and multies. really nice vocab also. but the meaning of this verse is really something. its something that we should all really think about, very nice. keep writing man.

    hit mines wen you see it. thanx

    peace

  9. #9
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ^ I will once I see it after I get back from school, and thanks alot hommie ^

    UPPIN

  10. #10
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Posts
    1,828
    Battle Record
    24-11
    The flow in the first verse.. Wasnt bad.. But.. It wasnt as good as the second and last verse' flow..

    Erm..

    This whole idea of a picture topic.. Honestly.. I love that idea.. Ima have to kick your ass in one someday.. .. Will have to kick your ass in a normal topical first though.. ..

    Thought that you could of made the transitions smoother in some places.. But that is just scraping the bottom of the critisizm barrel now..

    The concepts in each verse.. Damn.. Some deep and meaningful shit..

    Having the 3 verses helped in this.. Which I think it rarely does to have more than 1 verse.. But it didnt effect it that much..

    Nice drop..

    Find another good picture for me.. ..

    Hit up something in my sig that you havent already..

    Pz..

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  11. #11
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ^ LOL, thanks alot, and favor has been returned... LOL ^


    UPPIN

  12. #12
    Banned Penskills's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    ..::::..::..::::..
    Posts
    2,550
    Battle Record
    8-87
    This was pretty good...Your flow was nice..your wordplay was nice..
    I never break anything down unless.................................
    Anywho..I just came by to check this..peace..nice work..

  13. #13
    Ok.
    The flow in the first verse wasnt as good as the second and last verses flow.
    The picture topic idea is pretty cool.
    Could of made the transitions smoother.
    The three verses fitted nicely together.
    Quite meaningful words.
    Nice drop.

    Hit this up, please.
    I took the time, so please return the favour.
    You reply to everything else.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=120103
    Thank you.

    Pz.

  14. #14
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ^ thanks for checking it out, and I will return the favor for you... ^

    UPPIN

  15. #15
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    ~ NC ~
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,648
    Battle Record
    11-16
    ............................Uppin................. .............

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 19
    Last Post: November 25th, 2005, 09:13 PM
  2. Walk the Night alone "Topical Battle verse"
    By ILLunatic in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: April 14th, 2004, 04:30 AM
  3. Topical Battle ( Picture Topic )
    By High Class in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: March 15th, 2004, 11:26 AM
  4. Replies: 5
    Last Post: December 8th, 2003, 10:49 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •