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Thread: The calm before the storm...

  1. #1
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    The calm before the storm...

    The Calm Before the Storm...

    The wind dies down and eventually stops completely
    Not a sound or motion except for dark clouds gliding nearer
    People cower in their homes, glued to the TV
    As weather reports warn of winds getting fiercer
    Outside all is calm, lightning shoots in the distance
    The rumbling of thunder echos off of the lake
    Gentle waves ripple as they wash onto the sand
    As boats tied to the dock, bob as if having no weight

    A single rain drop decends featherlike from the night
    Collides with a window, and trickles zig zaging down the side
    The wind starts to whistle, as if giving a signal
    And millions of rain drops bombard the earth in reply
    A lightning bolt cracks as the waves grow violent
    The flash strikes a tree, Its designated assignment
    Branches are burnt, as they crash to the grass
    Familys head to their cellars, to seek safe confinement
    The water level is rising, like it wants to meet the lightning
    Familys turn on their radios, and quiet children's crying
    Thuds can be heard from objects striking the houses
    Piercing winds shatter windows without even trying

    Twenty minutes pass, and finally good news comes
    As the radio announcer confirms the storm is done
    People emerge from their houses and look upon devestation
    All around them are signs, of the utter decimation
    The harshness has passed, but evidence remains behind
    Splintered trees litter the ground, along with fallen power lines
    A few caved in rooftops, from once might trees
    Only torn soil, where strong roots used to be
    The rain lightens up, and so do the clouds
    As hard hit leafs, start to drift down
    And off in the distance, the storm lights up the sky
    And soft rumbles of thunder, seems to say its goodbyes
    Last edited by Laureate; August 8th, 2004 at 07:25 PM
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  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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  3. #3
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
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    Damn Lyric this was really good. You had alot of detailed description which made the topic nice. The image-ry was so good its like I was viewing everything first hand and I was telling the story great job.

  4. #4
    *Daughter of 00* DthsMissingAngel's Avatar
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    Wow, this is something that had very extensive imagery. It reminds me of a storm that I was in once. This was really good. Could have used a lil more emotion, but this is more of a story than a poem. Flow was great and structure was good. Overall, I liked it. Keep up.

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  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Figure's Avatar
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    I liked the rhyme scheme switch from the first to the second verse. It worked real well with the images you provide, and flowed very nicely.
    This was my fav. part:
    "A single rain drop decends featherlike from the night
    Collides with a window, and trickles zig zaging down the side
    The wind starts to whistle, as if giving a signal
    And millions of rain drops bombard the earth in reply"
    ^^ Dope all in all
    Good work, Pz.

  6. #6
    Mister. Andrew..'s Avatar
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    Very nicely done. Alot of imagery. Went well with the topic. I would of went the same way. Good structure. Not much emotion. But all around it was a nice peice.
    Back.

  7. #7
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    i liked this piece, the outstanding aspect here was your imagry, really got what you were trying to get out well, the ending capped it off good, i liked those last couple lines there they fit in pretty well, good piece, good lil' story in here

  8. #8
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    lyric, again you demonstrate your abiltiy to write in this peice. Was a very direct drop from what I gathered, didn't seem to have any underlying meaning, although, this did not need it. You hit the topci dead on and keep up all the way through, some splashes of nice imagery and solid language held this peice together. Emotion, well I really felt more of the fear that such a storm stirsup, not sure if that was from past experience, or provoked on your part. Since I know you to emerse your pieces with emotion, I give you the benifit of the doubt. Technically I think you could have done more with the structure, but as a writter myself, I know an artist does not like to force his work many feel that matching line lengths is a drawback from thier artisitc expression, well in some cases that is true, but not all. I suggest you give it a shot first, then scratch it, if you feel it pulls away from where you wanted the peice to go. This all went together well, seemed kind of rushed in parts, but not enough to be picked up by the reader. Very nice read, I was almost waiting for some kind of death toll, or other dark happening, but was please to get to the end without a stomach knot. Keep up the good work, and don't the lack of 'Love' discourage you, as you are an up an coming writter on this site, established to many.

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  9. #9
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Wow thanks guys...I was told to write a poem that was of a different style for a crew mission. So I decided to focus more on imagry than emotion instead of the other way around like I usually do. Hopefully next time I'll be able to combine them. Thanks for the critiques everyone...much appreciated
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  10. #10
    this buds for you Thrust's Avatar
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    yea, that was a good plan you got there, just keep it up man, you're a very promising writer.

  11. #11
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    thank you
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  12. #12
    I'm Only Here 4 ME Fuck U TheUnderRated's Avatar
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    This was ok...imagry was ok...emotion sucked ass....story was blah....you can do better
    INSANE JOKA LYRICIST

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! bornspokenword's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyric
    Wow thanks guys...I was told to write a poem that was of a different style for a crew mission. So I decided to focus more on imagry than emotion instead of the other way around like I usually do. Hopefully next time I'll be able to combine them. Thanks for the critiques everyone...much appreciated
    well, I'll definately be reading the next one then...
    definately descriptive, a writer's best friend...

    "A single rain drop decends featherlike from the night
    Collides with a window, and trickles zig zaging down the side"
    werds...
    better than worse isn't mediocre, it's humble .SoftFocus. veteran verse
    ...Writings...

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  14. #14
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Thank you
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  15. #15
    Word is Bond Sublime D's Avatar
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    very good...straigthforward meaning i think....very well written...a few typos detract from it...but that's just polish..which you can always apply more of..what's important is that the imagery was vcery powerful in this piece....and your message was quite clearly stated and you're diction was very nice, and your syntax was beautiful...and you used several literary devices in your superb structure and i was certainly impressed...beign that this is your first piece that i've read i think....

    8.9/10
    Bittersweet

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