From the Inside

[Fresh]

This force set upon me is a face yet to be revealed,
My future isnt even bleak.. I only see an empty field,
I feel like I'm being stalked by an evil entity,*
Something inside of me is starting to reveal this enemy,
All of my wrongs in life are starting to commemorate,
I'm a broken soul because of these thoughts I cant seem to renovate,
When I'm happy I realize these compelling memorys always regenerate,
I chose happiness over family.. My conscience is about to detonate,
Nothing can change what I've done.. So I subconsciously meditate,
Always lookin forward to the future when I still live in the past,
Can't fix the mistakes.. Can only forget by having a blast,

HooK
Who's this person making all of my rights turn to wrongs,
I can only truly escape by being truthfull in songs,
But when its all over my fucking misery always prolongs,
Even god doesnt know.. But deep inside I know where my spirit belongs...

Somebody other then who I am is causing all this commotion,
Maybe I'd understand my pain if I saw his devotion,
Now I can never forget my past like it was a flawless emotion,
I'll be going from depressed to dead.. So glad I got this promotion,
This feeling is my opponnent... I must dispose of the cause,
But now that I've seen the big picture I stop n pause,
I've discovered my foe.. Now it's time to take action,
Enjoy only the aftermath because of my imbued reactions,
They say look your enemy in the eye so you both see clearer inside,
So I finally fucking looked into the mirror and died............

[Fresh]

Links

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=142023
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post1637035

[Fresh]

Forgot about the * part

Im not going to tell you what it means straight up.. But metaphorically it, and the other underlined part have to do with each other, but after they go together the outcome of them going together means the same thing as a certain part in the song.. But very metaphorically.. Most of you wont understand, unless your very deep thinkers.. Thanks for reading..
Pz.

[Fresh]

Up........

[Fresh]

Somebody leave feedback please.

[Fresh]

Leave links..

This piece shouldnt be gettin slept on

[Fresh]

Up........

[Common]

This was decent but Im not really one who likes these types of drop you know.. Because having a hook in text is pretty much pointless. You had an okay rhyme scheme and some decent lines but keep elevating.

[Fresh]

Thanks for the feed, but you really dont understand a song thats as complex as this.. thanks for trying though.

[Fresh]

Up... Leave links I'll hit them back................

[Endeva.]

i thought this was pretty basic, you didnt really capture any emotion.... try an get sonething different into youyr drops... so people tihnk.. 'yeah his was dope'... i wasnt seeing anything like that.... pretty standard stuff.... keep at it

[Endeva.]

i see your in his forum... so could yo check my latest drop... thnx

[Fresh]

Thanks for the crit... Much appreciated.. Now that I see my flaws, can someone please tell me they understand my emotions..

[Lingwistik]

haha, i get the metophor, ok, loook

for those people who dont know what enititymeans, its what's percieved or known of actually has its own physical existence, and its either living or non living, and in this case of the song, its living, ok

now, what hes sayin is inside of me, the part thats bold, the entity is related to inside of me, so therefor, what his inner feelings and his innerself that people percieve is actually in itself physically in existance, alive, because in the part of which he said, also means the same thing a s a prt of the song, which is the end, he said he looks at his enemy in the mirror, which is himslef, and when you look in the enemy's eyes, he then sees whats inside clearer, so he looked in the mirror, saw that the inner self he percieved was actually in existence, and at that moment, he saqw what he actually thought of himself, and, therefore, was so suprised by it, he died


so, was i right?


anyway, other than that metaphor, it was pretty basic, i mean, dev said it

just work on it more man, it wasnt a horrible piece, just basic, so, keep eorkin at it playa, and it will come

peace

[Fresh]

You got it exactly bro.. Thanks alot.. It means alot too me when someone understands my feeling in this kinda song.. Thanks for the crit too, Ill take everything into consideration for my next piece..

And lingwistik, Ill hit up some of your shit.

Pz.