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Thread: Behind The Wheel

  1. #1
    .Genocide.
    Guest

    Behind The Wheel

    Behind The Wheel



    For the past two years Jeff's been starving for acceptance,
    Now he's finally invited to a party....how could he reject it?
    So he said yes...he'd arrive Saturday night at eight,
    Unbeknownst to him....it'd be a date that'd decide his fate.
    But no time to waste....because the day of the party is here,
    He approaches the door and is greeted with a cup of Bacardi and beer.
    He's partially weird...but, there's no time for thinking, he's bored,
    So instead of listening to his instinct, he begins drinking some more.
    Never blinking..what for?..he's gotta prove himself with this keg,
    So he continues to chug until he loses feeling in his legs.
    His liver's squealing, and his head?..it's only getting lighter,
    That's when he's informed......he's the designated driver.
    Hesitates to hop in the Viper...but finally starts the ignition,
    And pulls out of the driveway despite his hidden intuition.
    The roads glisten...icy and wet...he suddenly takes a turn,
    But he loses control over the car and it begins to swerve.
    Okay at first...but he hears backseat screams of his alleged friends,
    When he glances ahead and realizes they're steadily nearing a ledge.
    Close to the edge, he veers quick as the gears shift,
    Vision blurred..and cloudy.....tears drip as he nears the cliff.
    Tires pop and he hears 'em rip..the car flips, so much commotion,
    Unable to steer, he loses grip as they plunge into the ocean.
    The doors won't open.. gasping for air he shatters the glass,
    But only to discover that the rest have already passed.


    The sole survivor....and he's heard that time will heal,
    But he lives with the cold truth...he was behind the wheel.



    Link1
    Link2
    Last edited by .Genocide.; January 20th, 2005 at 12:27 PM

  2. #2
    I'm Bakk!
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    WestCoast
    Age
    34
    Posts
    775
    Battle Record
    17-9
    Nice work, Imagery was nice vocab was there and flow was on point well written piece!!!

  3. #3
    The True Psycho of RB
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    My Own Mind
    Age
    40
    Posts
    3,164
    Battle Record
    1-0
    good verse, flow was really nice in parts ok in others.
    structure and vocab was decent.
    a good emotional story, overall a nice verse.

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    2 Links.

  5. #5
    This was a good piece, it didnt start too well, but it got pretty good towards the end, lost it again and brought it back at the very end. I really liked the last bar, and even better that its seperated from the piece...

    Solid work, nice emotion and imagery, keep droppin like this man

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166208
    Peep that for me,

  6. #6
    Awaken
    Guest
    ^^as said above, this didn't start too well but it kept me reading more towards the end. ''behind the wheel''was the perfect choice for a title, and you played this to the fullest. The flow wasn't bad and it wasn't good, some parts need to be worked on. The wordplay and vocab was there at most parts, the rhyme scheme was basic most of the time but it grew towards the climax. Other than those downfalls, this was a great read, BTW can u plz return the feedback on my piece? thanks... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=166009

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