thanx for the feed, i thought this was aright and id have to agree with G-man that i like when people write on a Political level. keep write'n
thanx for the feed, i thought this was aright and id have to agree with G-man that i like when people write on a Political level. keep write'n
this was kool... had some funny lines, the boner one.. had some simple ones, the osama thing.. but overall its was a nice piece with some relevant points about bush, a decent flow some nie lines, stick wit it.... u got potential make more pieces like this.. hit this up man
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=170305
Good Luck. You're Gonna Need It.
i mnot much for political aspects, seein as i dont have much of a postiton on political happenings but,this piece was ill,nice vocab,nice wordplay,tight imagery,all in all nice piece.~1~
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i liked it dawg....it was tight...aight, but, i think u should maybe consider usin more colorful words...i mean, if u cant handle 'em cuz ur one of the weak and squimmish .... thas aight...but yeah, its good vocab and flow and shit....keep elevatin...
I really liked the flow of this the first few lines were great!
nice subject matter even though it is kind of playyed out.i think you could of had better vocab but overall ok peace
some parts the flow switched up..the lines were kinda short,but you said what you needed to say... nothing great but it was GOOD
overall 6/10
She said I could sleep on the couch
By 2 am, I was diggin her out
yo this was a nice drop
good vocab .... flow sumtimez a lil off point but its iight
..... & structure nice
sum linez were funny dawg
gd piece ... keep droppin'
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ya do real shit , ya get real results
ya do fake shit , ya get fake results
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this dude got sum gd songs on his soundclick ...
Name : dimense
thread...
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this was an ok drop, a little simple at times, and i think although you did have some good ways of putting it, the metaphoar could have been a bit beter done, i can see a place for you on rb but you need to elevate a little and workl on the flow, nonetheless, a dope drop
yo i can relate to ya man dat was hot yo but the metaphorical stuff could hav been developed to be out there to show the hard facts bout how u feel bout bush and tha rest of ur topic u dropped it hot tho
Last edited by Tha DraGoN; February 12th, 2005 at 10:50 PM
yeah its mad hot, i like how u mixed it up a bit with the politics, overall pretty good, u kept on topic to, didnt stray off
good piece....i like how u made a rap bout U.S House....Great Job
A political topic none the less, but you seemed to develop your concept and idea well. It was short, but it was good and I liked the read, you didnt' seem to use too much vocab in there, so that would be my advice to you, is to upp the vocab a bit.
Good drop.
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sup fool,this one of the best political rhymes i seen on here so far,i liked the wording and rhyme and overall u nailed this one to the table pretty well.dodge.
worst line......
Bush should be the house's owner
instead he thinks of war and gets a boner
this kind of jokey filler not really suited for a pollitical piece unless your whole verse is intended to be funny or provoke a laugh, i DID laugh when i read this but only because of how simple it was and the fact it didnt really have any impact. This statement was possibly the best flowing line of ur verse but i felt it didnt really work because it stands out compared to everything else. YOu started a second verse with a big impression but the rest of the structure was kind of weak in my opinion.
best line.......
so how did he become person of the year
when so many mothers shed a tear
I felt this line was the most appropriate and was hoping your lines that followed would be as great. It is an honest interpretation of society and summarizes the problematic schemes that the media uses to bend the truth or reality of serious issues. I felt this line related well to the overall theme of your piece.
line i disliked the most
for the loss of their sons
because of low oil funds
I think this is a weak follow up to a great line, it literally is opinion and i feel that it took away from the previous line which had so much impact on me. I almost didnt even finish reading your verse because the entire first verse was pretty weak. Structurally, the set up failed to connect the meaning and took away from the impact of your verse. I understand this is an old post(2005) so i was a little more lenient due to the fact that text verses were a lot different back then, however i felt it was too elementary and didnt have a strong enough message. The title was what drew me to read the verse, however i can say truthfully it was wayyyy to basic for a political piece. I suggest writing an outline and rethink your structure to make sure every line blends well and flows into the other to make a stronger message be felt. overall id say it was 4.5/10, but i have high standards.
Tips: plan out a general message and try to stick with it, dont pick random events and make statements that dont really relate. Keep it up though if you still around!!?!??!?
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