"Say you love me" by Paroxysm

[Laureate]

When I can't swallow anymore,
I spit phlegm laced with a bête noire taste.
And you call it nasty.
When my arms are heavy,
I prick my fingertips and lets the apples fall to the ground.
And you call it disturbing.
When blistering wind slices through my hair and my cheeks become rose red,
I take the sun out of my pocket and slide it across my face.
And you call me ugly.
When my tongue grows so long that it hangs around my throat like a pink necklace,
I use my broken dreams to lacerate through the muscles and tastebuds.
And you mock my lisp.
When I run a marathon through the swamp to get your loyalty and dedication,
I reek like the carcass of a dead cat on a humid summer's day.
And you wont come near me.
When I collapse on the dirt ground from exhaustion,
I puncture my lungs in an attempt to recieve air.
And you watch from a far.
When my eyelids close forever,
I clutch my heart to signal that I've left.
And you say you love me.

[King]

this piece is true on so many levels...the "unappreciative" theme is reoccuring in life...although the piece depicts it in a much more extreme way, it definately captured the feeling and mindset of someone who works hard to show their love and recieve love in return, however is completely unappreciated until its perhaps too late...
...LRP...

[Taeisbeast.]

Nice stuff right hurr...i like it dawg..good shit

[Neruda II]

Yup.

Remember that I give good feedback kids.

[ALEXE]

When I can't swallow anymore,
I spit phlegm laced with a bête noire taste.
And you call it nasty.
*lmao, I'm probly thinkin at something else...*

When my arms are heavy,
I prick my fingertips and lets the apples fall to the ground.
And you call it disturbing.
*pretty dope but also weird... what apples you talking about?*

When blistering wind slices through my hair and my cheeks become rose red,
I take the sun out of my pocket and slide it across my face.
And you call me ugly.
*lmao, the meta was really well thought but the one that tells you all those things makes me laugh, i liked this part*

When my tongue grows so long that it hangs around my throat like a pink necklace,
I use my broken dreams to lacerate through the muscles and tastebuds.
And you mock my lisp.
*damn, this just reached that level that deserves more attention, really well displayed, good vocab and good structure*

When I run a marathon through the swamp to get your loyalty and dedication,
I reek like the carcass of a dead cat on a humid summer's day.
And you wont come near me.
*roflmao hahahahaha :lol: this is tight, it should be sad but I just laugh foolishly... sorry... great imagery, great concept overall*

When I collapse on the dirt ground from exhaustion,
I puncture my lungs in an attempt to recieve air.
And you watch from a far.
*should've give you mouth to mouth or smthn... this seems like something personal... or not... again great imagery*

When my eyelids close forever,
I clutch my heart to signal that I've left.
And you say you love me.
*didn't expect this, really well written and thought out, really deep and personal
beautiful poem, enjoyed reading this
respect, Paroxysm, thx for posting this Laureate
Peace
1*

[Neruda II]

*sigh*

Yeah, that's what every poet likes to hear.

Very immature.


Anyone else?

[ALEXE]

*sigh*

Yeah, that's what every poet likes to hear.

Very immature.


Anyone else?

what was that about ? who's immature ?

EDIT: my bad, my bad, just saw U was playing
props

[Neruda II]

Up, I guess...