Stars and Gripes

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Thread: Stars and Gripes

  1. #1
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Stars and Gripes

    Da NFamous
    Stars and Gripes


    I pledge allegiance to the legion of doom
    A nation that fights paraplegic countries
    Calling to arms the limb less
    In this cold world forever ready to fight
    We try to cleanse the flag
    while in the process red and blue bled on the white
    i steady my procession of thought
    the lessons of this nation
    where adolescents are swelling their stomachs
    adept at the art of procreation
    I stand tall and march to the bars of life
    hardened by the fall from grace
    this tainted halo placed above my wounded heart
    our commander in chief panders your intelligence
    and wins praise from the amber waves of mass ignorance
    flags flown at half mast and our pastimes are beautiful
    Juiced giants stand defiant singing America the usual
    Rather than start, on the madness of march
    it saddens me, that we are bound by laws other then that of gravity
    God's grip has slipped, no longer grabbing the free
    Now its average to see illicit activity on a reel
    Prisoners of warfare tortured while we're eating a meal
    Stripped of our stars i need a solution
    disillusioned my state of mind has decided
    to suceed from the union
    and bleed red white and nuetral, giving up our father's fight
    These colors do run, all that remains in my eyes
    ..are stars and gripes
    1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  2. #2
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    Elevation is key...1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  3. #3

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    i read this in the battle you had...definately enjoyed it...it was funny because when i read the topic i thought of exactly the same thing...and i was glad you didnt kill the concept...i thought everything was solid and consistent, no weak points, nothing brought it down...if you did this as a slam it would be a hit, as long as you delivered it right...nice piece...you should look at mine
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180322
    ...LRP...
    The Last Level

  4. #4
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    ^Thanks for the positivity man, i'll check you poem out soon, elevation is the key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  5. #5
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    This was a nice piece. I completely disagree. I don't want to debate, but the fact that the piece made me think, and even with it conflicting with my personal beliefs drew me in more. I love to read oposite oppinions of my own and the fact that this was a poem was a bonus. Good job.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  6. #6
    well... you know what I think as far as structure gos, you also know i like this a lot.
    I think you need to touch it up by making some words bigger in the shorter sentences or making them compound or take some words out in the longer ones, maybe a little of both methods. Great poem though, really clever.

  7. #7
    Twas' Dope.
    Real opinionated contradicting stuff.

    Hit me up on aim bro,if you want me to discuss this with you.

  8. #8
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    ^Thanks chem my man you know im loving the support

    Wicked-Im glad you could enjoy it even though our opinions differ, that says a lot about your open mindedness and my poem i think, thanks for that

    Luke-Thanks the most for your aim comments, means a lot that you found it so enjoyable

    elevation remains key...1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  9. #9
    you never ready Fiasco's Avatar
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    This is really hot Nfamous, strong images in this here poem, i really liked how you were able to make me feel your words, good wording too. One of my new favorite poems lol and good luck with your IE battle as well nice work
    -Fiasco
    Po'Ethics.

  10. #10
    |-.Alpha.-|
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    Nice Fav Parts:.

    flags flown at half mast and our pastimes are beautiful
    Juiced giants stand defiant singing America the usual

  11. #11

    Re: Stars and Gripes

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