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Thread: ¤|-.Destiny's Own Fate.-|¤.

  1. #1
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest

    ¤|-.Destiny's Own Fate.-|¤.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=181154

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180985





    Destiny's Own Fate


    I feel lost an disorted, Accidentally wonder'd off to far in the forest
    Ended up at a small cabin, An stayed there from dark intill morning
    Woke up an started my journey, went back an retraced all my steps
    Imbracing in breath,.. The heat the from the sun is flamming my flesh
    Insanity leavin insane in my head.. But I was in no condition to camp
    Had visions of wrath, Comprehensions went in dimensions of traps
    I woke up diffirent then last, Siittn here listening to magicians in black
    All reminiscin the past, One asked, Were on earth would u like to go
    Suddenly they all rised and spoke, Chatters of voices uprised in tone
    I was so surprised I chocked, I quietly cleared my throat, An paused
    Frozed an thought, I took a second to think,... Then I told them gone
    All of the sudden the moment stopped,... An the room started to spin
    I got noxious an sick, So exaughsted I threw up toxic an vomited spit
    Finally the nonsense started to quit, an the room went back to normal
    So it appeared to be,... But this one was darker like a blacken portal
    I must be trapped in a virtual, Or this dark room hasn't one living soul
    Its empty an frigid cold, I could yell echo an get back kicks an clothes
    As I site here alone I remember one of the mages repeating this word
    Thee who is heard,....Is not ever allowed to return or be on this Earth
    Thinkin the worse, I started to realize this might be a dream or a curse
    But It seems to real to be fake, In other word they're revealing my fate
    One simple question turned my life around,..... And killed my in space

  2. #2
    -Broken Swordz-
    Guest
    This was a good drop....Nice Multis and flow. Actually a good story too. At first i was like what the fuck.... but as i kept reading i got the storyline. Ending was dope to.

    Favorite lines

    All of the sudden the moment stopped,... An the room started to spin
    I got noxious an sick, So exaughsted I threw up toxic an vomited spit

    ^^Nice

    Finally the nonsense started to quit, an the room went back to normal
    So it appeared to be,... But this one was darker like a blacken portal

    ^^Also nice


    [...8.5/10, good drop...]

  3. #3
    The True Psycho of RB
    Join Date
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    This was a tight verse it was different cause the topic was orginal and fresh i think you could have added more to the piece if you were going to turn it into a song but as it is its still dope.
    The structure and vocab were fine youve got a nice flow and kept it pretty consistent throughout the piece the imagery and imagination in the verse really shined through.

    Return the favour.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=180994

  4. #4
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #1

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

  5. #5
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #2

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

  6. #6
    '--'Taser.--.
    Guest
    icic...

    Critique ( if i may...)

    # Flows smoothly, this is a positive.. all flows and shit have to get this or da listener will trip out in the first 10 seocnds of the song then leave.. props for this..
    # Structure was great , I can tell your not an herb or anything
    # Lyrics Not bad, can have a liuttle work.. I like almost all the lines though so nice job on this

  7. #7
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #3

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

  8. #8
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #4

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    This was an ill piece in my own opinion....nice, Keep droppin

  10. #10
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #5

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

  11. #11
    taht shit was fuckin fire, consistency is key and u hit that, nice job

  12. #12
    Banned AL CAPONE's Avatar
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    Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//Aim for tha head/ when u say im gon getem nigga//cass lit they ass just to let them know u aint playin witem
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    yo that was hot yo that is a step close to perfection it would have been betta if it had a betta flow and delivery just work on those two things and itll be close to it i liked everthin about it overall verse rate- 8.0/10

    PLZ VOTE ON MY BATTLE ON BOTTOM OF SIG THNX YO

  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! silent j's Avatar
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    yo that wasreally tight drop man forsure like props that was good hit up my links under my sig

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    current battles


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  14. #14
    Newbie ~Verbal Assault~'s Avatar
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    \dat was ill everything flowed and shit nice job
    you appeal to the mums, dads, and kids out there,
    But that's nothen, because im their fucken nightmare!

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  15. #15
    ¤|-.Alpha.-|¤
    Guest
    Bump #6

    Thanks for the crit, Lets get some more feed tho.

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