My weekend (fuckin wierd shit)

[EyeBite]

saturday:
ok, i woke up in the mornin it was about 10
i said to myself, it gonna be a bad day again
these bornin days really need to stop, i need fun
i got dressed , ate breakfast and grabbed my gun
then i walked out my door then i started to run
i felt a chill shiver down my spine
suddenly i turned around to see why
this really happened i aint liein
their was this shadowy figure walkin
all around me i could just hear talkin
everything started to spin like i was singled out
i was like the fuck is this all about
i tried to shout, but couldnt open my mouth
the figure got closer every ticking moment
he started to slither toward me, this was fuckin scary
he lefted up his cloak and he whoel body was hairy
his eyes glowed red from the shadow under his hat
then the lady next to me, yelled what the fuck is that!
that fuckin person is as hairy as a cat
the shadow swirled around and dissapeared
now every nerve in my body were feared
i didnt feel good, i started to feel sick
finnally got home and sat down and slept
but i just thought i missed work now i'm in debt
damn...........
Sunday:
ok...i woke up around midnight sharp
i heard a huge bang, and a loud crack
i checked the front and then the back
everything was clear exept for a broken shutter
then i noticed that i have a broken gutter
this was starting to turn out to be a terrible week end
i saw a flash of the shadowy figure in my mind
seriously i couldnt even speak again
then i realized that wasnt a vision that was real
this dude was gettin annoyin like the dude on a game
your visitors think your ticket price is a steal
i had enough this was sum weird shit
he appeard right before my eyes and i yelled shavve ya beird bitch
i shot at him it went into him like a knife into a potatoe
i shot holes into the hairy loser like fuckin play doe
he fell backwars and smashed through the door
and he layed still on the kitchen floor
he was dead fo shore, blood puddle right next to him
he wasnt that p[owerful, i over threw him
this shit must seem fucked up
but this was a dream so shut the fuck up

[EyeBite]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219929
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=223840

[Lay Doubt.]

oh wow. this shit was fucking horrible. the vocabulary was weak, the rhyme scheme was repetitive and basic as fuck. basically, this made absolutely no sense and seemed like something a third grader could top. very poorly written. ridiculously garbage piece. 0/10

[NuM-WuN]

hmm this piece seemed pretty below average...vocab and rhyme scheme was too basic, basic flow and structure as well..seemed like an old school piece..the imagery was good but i'm sure with better vocab it woulda been better..also you shouldve added some inner & outter multies to make the flow n rhyme scheme more exciting..but overall this pice wasn't to great..keep elevating n writing..

[EyeBite]

i agree, i'm just experimenting with different styles, lol thanks for the feed

[sILLable]

oh wow. this shit was fucking horrible. the vocabulary was weak, the rhyme scheme was repetitive and basic as fuck. basically, this made absolutely no sense and seemed like something a third grader could top. very poorly written. ridiculously garbage piece. 0/10

couldnt explain it better my self..ive seen better from you~1~

[EyeBite]

yea i no, i'm juist experimenting, i got sum great threads comin up

[EyeBite]

hurrya this drop sucks, of course, its a new style i was experimenting, that im not gonna tryagain LOLOLOLOL

[The Vortex]

this was starting to turn out to be a terrible week end
i saw a flash of the shadowy figure in my mind
seriously i couldnt even speak again
then i realized that wasnt a vision that was real

that was coo

some of its actualy not that bad from a poetic angle.. a lot of the rhymes were too basic and the flow could be tighter

a decentish attempt at sum drama.. its just those rhymes need to be upped in quality..

keep at it fosho bring the drama

pz

[Lock-Down]

yo to me u had good stuff in their, saturday was better than sunday cause on saturday u stayed on that topic but on sunday u went all over the place but i think u could do better aight.