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Thread: Better Days

  1. #1
    Ny.ce
    Guest

    Better Days

    BETTER DAYS

    ONCE I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING I DREAD TO FOLLOW THROUGH IN MY DAYS
    BECAUSE OF HATRED THAT IV'E SEEN IN MY EYES SHIT JUST FADES
    WAY LIKE LIFES JUST A DREAM MORE LIKE A SCEAME WITH LIMITED
    POSIBILTYS JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO RECIVE THE GIFT I AINT ASKIN FOR MORE PENNYS BECAUSE IM NOT A GOLD DIGGER I JUST WANT TO LET THE WORLD KNOW WE CAN DO BETTER
    .


    FIRST POEM IV'E EVER WROTE, LET ME KNOW WHATS UP..
    Last edited by Ny.ce; October 8th, 2005 at 12:10 AM

  2. #2
    SikTrik
    Guest
    igh...this was more of a short verse then a poem...u need 2 come a lil more complex with ur thoiughts..or bring more emotion to every word...( so it can be simple.just touching..or rlly out there ya feel)...shorten up the lines a little bit, and really write with some creativity..bring ur own life into it..be personal if you have 2....or just really kno ur topic, it will help..or if ur writing right of the top of ur head, just slow down and come with it....all i say is show a lil more compassion and rlly own the piece ya kno...write with all you got..and up the length a lil bit..and it will all come 2gether..other then that...we will give you a break 4 ur first poem..but i think with some practice ull drop harder next time..


    HEY IF YOU COULD...DROP A FEW FEEDBACKS..4 MY POEMS IN MY SIG..THAT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED

    THANK YOU

    OUT

  3. #3
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    yah. Thanks Dawg I'll Try My Best. Thanks For The Feed Back Also Dawg...

  4. #4
    Certified Like A COW Varentao's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
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    A thick pool of coconut scented cow manure.
    Posts
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    One massive lump that you seemed to want to get out. No real constipation here, though there'd be plenty of cleaning to do after.

    I'd put it in some structure first and go from there.
    I'm too secure to have a signature.

    Oh.

  5. #5
    Ny.ce
    Guest
    Okay. I'm Not The Best At Poetry But I Will Get Better. Thanks Everybody For The Tips.

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