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Thread: Walk of Life

  1. October 8th, 2005, 10:35 AM #1
    Prince Escobar
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    Walk of Life

    The slippery slope to elevation, i tread with a heavy heart
    convictions set in stone, my hopes ready to depart
    i unsteadily walk as a loner, rain dampening my dreams
    i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams
    you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops
    as my eyelashes brush together, easing my cheeks, cooling and soft
    losing my thoughts, my grip on a blurred line relaxes in power
    this never passing shower of life, drenches my soul
    soaking in discord i take risks to enter the end of the road
    daring to die, cerulean torrent swallowing haste
    as i lose my footing and lie in a puddle of dissapointment...
    fallen from disgrace
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  2. October 8th, 2005, 12:50 PM #2
    HaZy
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    i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams
    you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops

    beautiful lines

    it reminds me of precios moments characters

    how there opague faces are always slanted upwards looking to the sky for answers
    yet they always have such a sad feeling to them
    like perhaps they never recieved the answers

    which in part would bring the tears to their eyes

    wonderful piece excellent structure and overall the only not so gloating thing i could say is:

    i didnt picture something like this coming from a person like you (being as the only impression ive had is negative)
    regardless
    wonderful poem prince
    hazy
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  3. October 8th, 2005, 01:15 PM #3
    Varentao
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    as i lose my footing and lie in a puddle of dissapointment...
    fallen from disgrace

    The second from last line was over done in my opinion. Dunt think the word dissapoitment was good to use and the line seemed stretched out and full to the brim.

    Otherwise, it read well, good flow and structure. With maybe a couple other lines slightly over-stretched with certain words. Though i can't put my finger on them.
    I'm too secure to have a signature.

    Oh.
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  4. October 8th, 2005, 01:36 PM #4
    Prince Escobar
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    ^Funny...i got the same impression when i first read it but couldn't decide what to change, guess my instinct was right, thanks V for the feedback, appreciate it greatly, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  5. October 8th, 2005, 01:36 PM #5
    Pharoah.
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    flowed well and structure was nice. some lines were
    streetched a lil, like varento said

    yet they always have such a sad feeling to them
    like perhaps they never recieved the answers

    that was my fave line

    peep my poem time keels over
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    Poetry

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    Last Word
    Twizteds Bodyguards


    Quotes HOF


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    Originally Posted by Vamp.
    this is perhaps the gayest thread...ALIVE....
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  6. October 8th, 2005, 04:35 PM #6
    *Jazzmine*
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    wow this was short also like something else i had came across. thiz shit was tight and i enjoyed it mainly cuz it was like reading some 1's mind and feelings from them selves just written down. vocab was nice, keep up your work
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  7. October 8th, 2005, 04:46 PM #7
    Prince Escobar
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    Thanks Jazz, and Pharoah thanks for NOT reading it, that wasnt even one of my lines you quoted....elevation is key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  8. October 8th, 2005, 04:51 PM #8
    *Jazzmine*
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    yeah you are welcome hit my om up when id rop it today titled "why i hate my grandma?" featuring my cousin
    holla back prince
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  9. October 9th, 2005, 02:10 PM #9
    Prince Escobar
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    UpPpPpPp
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  10. October 9th, 2005, 02:42 PM #10
    Demon Pyrokronix
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    This was actually pretty dope, with the emotion and imagery strong throughout.

    "The slippery slope to elevation, i tread with a heavy heart
    convictions set in stone, my hopes ready to depart
    i unsteadily walk as a loner, rain dampening my dreams
    i look to the sky for an answer, and i see the weathered seams"

    That was really good writing, the vocabularly in it, imagery and flow were all excellent.

    "you had better believe, i say in my mind, eyes pooling with drops
    as my eyelashes brush together, easing my cheeks, cooling and soft"

    That was slightly stretched though, just a little.

    Very nice job Bloom, very nice job indeed.
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  11. October 9th, 2005, 04:33 PM #11
    Prince Escobar
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    i have no clue how u got Bloom....
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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  12. October 10th, 2005, 05:44 PM #12
    Fiasco
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    Man fuck the half ass shitty replies on this one.

    The rhyme scheme was cool but the real credit of this piece is how u managed compressing such great imagery in such a small and short piece, really ill job man. I truely enjoyed this one, definitely the best poem dropped this month, nominated.
    -Fiasco
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  13. October 10th, 2005, 08:24 PM #13
    !.VeRbZ.!
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    nice peice felt the imagery creativity was fine......complexity was good cud of been better but good ...keep it up ill be looking for more peices from u....oh yeah and i also liked how the title matched the peice...and go hit up ma peice honestly its intitled Brotherly Love
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  14. October 11th, 2005, 11:37 AM #14
    Prince Escobar
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    ^I Hope you're banned, elevation is key, 1luv.
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.
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