dope shit twizted
dope shit twizted
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Why'd they riot in the UK just to take some stuff?
While the houses of parliament still remained untouched.
- Mikill Pane
that was tight that wsa sick verse the best i ever herd
thanks yall =)
pretty damn phsycotic
anyone ver talk to twisted?
hes a psycho.
Well...
Nice shock value...you can never have too much, I think.
Real good story...I'm not as creeped out by it as others are, that kinda shit doesn't bother me...I have sicker things bouncing around my head.
Nice narrative...good way to present the story...
Just felt that your rhyme scheme in the first few lines was real nice...you were using simple words (a problem I found you never corrected) but you made them flow...you multi'd up, you used a much more complex scheme...
Then, for some fuckin reason...I imagine you started paying more attention to your story than you did to your beat...or the beat you should have in your head at least...
Cuz you completely blew off the nice rhyme scheme and jumped over to the typical boring as fuck, only rhyming the very last word of each line. And that really hurt, cuz you didn't keep your lines short, dude.
YOU HAVE TO INCORPORATE FLOW, MAN!!!
Don't listen to these fuckin idiots propping you on bullshit "mad multi's"...
You didn't have any but in the first few lines!!! They're dumbasses who couldn't write a decent rhyme with a gun pointed to their head.
And your vocab was simple, simple, simple...that's usually not a gripe, but in this case...with this topic...I think some more complex words woulda helped...
For instance, you coulda spelled "embalming" properly...perhaps "rigor mortis" coulda been used someplace..."muscular atrophy"...
You know...more dead, cold...terms.
Anyway...I'm not here to rip you, just here to help clear shit up...
You tell a great, sick story, man...that's rare to find.
But you're technical writing needs improvement.
Peace
That girl would be a hella dope fuck^
Also, I don't care born to kill. I'll learn how to write soon enough, at least im not almost 40 and complaining about it. =)
You're pretty fuckin stupid to be ripping me when all I did was give you advice on how to write better.
Fuck you, weakling.
nice twizted, 8/10, u 1 sick fuck man!
fuck yizzuuuu. I dont care yo =) thanks.
Dope drop, really had some sickening imagery, definately written well. I liked your choice of adjectives, descibed the whole scene out perfectly. The story itself, very dark and it moved really fast, You could have slowed it down a bit and put some more emotion into certain segments. Overall good drop pretty well layed out, and the slight twist at the end was something unique.I just thought it was a good drop alltogether
Twizted lol...
Born was only critiquing you, giving you really good
advice. Take it and you will be dope. Don't take it
and you will remain average...
this is what's wrong with you teenagers think ya'll
know it all...Learned how to take advice from others.
Anyways as of this piece the story set-Up was sick,
but this piece could have been in Open Mic of the month
in my eyes IF YOU had better vocabulary and
word usage. Better rhyme scheme and imagery.
Your emotion and imagery was actually there
but it could have been better,.. I see potential
just learned how to take advice when it is given.
Work on your vocabulary as well as word usage.
add multies.
as for everyone else that was praising this piece
saying it was dope SHUT UP AND LEARN HOW TO
DISTINGUISH FROM WHATS DOPE AND WHAT'S NOT
...not to take anything away from Twizted..
Stay dropping and elevating.
Very nice story line peace...
Last edited by Illus'; October 18th, 2005 at 10:25 PM
no shit twizted lol..that was some funny as shit...ive seen ur shit b4, everything you drop is sick lyrics wise and just everthing, but this was like ur Tru Calling lol....you would think every post u write comes out like this, lol...no but 4real it had a little bit of everything, gruesome lines,funny lines...WTF lines lmao...just like woa twizted how the..wait wat did u say LINES lmao...just it was all good....THEN THERE WAS THE END...DIDNT SEE THAT COMING....CRAZY SHIT ...CRAZY CRAZY
LMAO..NICE DROP
keep ups
hit my sig link!..thanx
thanks 36 and 27 year old. Also everyone else. =)
Us teenagers love to believe we are geniuses.
But nah, I have a low self of steam. Don't let my keyboard fool you
crazy shit in this one i really like it man this is a great piece, beautiful imagery I really have to give this one a 10/10, but it reminded me of like texas chainsaw massecre or something.......
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