Beaten by your Words

[HaZy]

Beaten by your Words


Sit n silence while I trace my image with my toes in the icy water
i sit on the edge of the river n see my reflection distorted by ripples of hate
i embrace myself at the thought of my past
some of the words that hit me hard spun me in circles so fast
Words of despair...syllables hitting my tear stricken face
a handful of your words hit harder than a fistful of anger
punched me harder than your hand to my face
took my breathe faster than a death in the family
erupted more tears ....
i lay at your feet with my body battered
i give myself to you
id bleed for you i beg for you to forgive me
im sorry for all i have done
for ever making you mad
for all i said
i said i loved you n i meant it
you took my dollars worth of love n spent it
im down praying for the lord to forgive me for puttin anger in this man
for the words that hurt worse than his hand
uncontrollable sobbing....headaches throbbing...
baby im sorry for all i said.....
only way he wil; forgive me like the past is to relinquish myself to him in bed...
between the sheets the threads evaporate all I've done all I've said
many beatings later my body convulses and goes through a faze of hunger
I can take the abuse no longer
I starve myself of his essence
I withdrawal and pack my things
locked in boxes all the memories
burned in flames of black.....
when i look ....
i feel the words roll from your tongue....travel through air ....hit the surface of my being and peel away the flesh
I shudder
I shake
my self worth that was it?
how could you take it?
peel it from my layers n swallow it with your lust
a test or trust?...
im nothing without you i need to feed on your love
all you do is love me
make me yours
a battered woman I kno nothing
you gave me something
scars over years that will never heal
with you ...my fate....will eventually seal
i need the hurt i feel the pain...distraught....my lord my savior i have been taught
my father my son
i kneel to you...
have your way

[HaZy]

well crap...i must suck...lol

[Foreshadow]

Damn I had no idea this was about the lord until the end. If it was about him you did a nice job keeping it covered up until the end and thats nice. I really liked this poem a lot though the emotion was your best asset in this piece I think. The imagery wasn't to soild, it had a couple of bumps along the way but you can fix that. I thought that some of your lines were to cluttered and missing something but overall this was a good drop.

[young hov]

this the 1st poem i've read from you and I liked this alout just wasn't feeling the structure but the wording vocab were good you were creative you had some good lines like that words that hurt more than his hand .....that was a very good line keep it up

[HaZy]

thanks a bunch!

[Untold.]

Yes... This was a very deep piece.

For one, the piece starts off as you in an abusive relationship, then you quit, then spiral down into obsession and then you realize its more than a want, a need... That was great. But like Believer said, the imagery was bumpy. Could have given more insight and less "here and theres". Though the imagery had its faults, the rest of the piece is moving and does show that everyone needs God, if that is whom you are speaking of. Really good piece. I did, indeed, enjoy this read.

Please leave some feed on the link in my sig... Thanx.